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Crivins! What Dickensian list would be complete without eligible bachelor Group Captain Alexander Oxlade-Chambelain & esteemed industrialist Sir Raphael Mead?

Watch out for Samual (aka 'Sammy') Lee: universally despised butcher's boy, now persuing a career in Sheep Worrying...

Marlon Harewood: penniless travelling salseman & evangelising advocate of 'Harewood's Beautifying Tonic'.

Hardman double-act Jack & Joel Lynch: Professional Persuassive Recruitment Consultants (PPRC) for the armed forces.

Master Isaiah Rankin. Wastrel offspring of a master cobbler, who discovered the evils of strong liquer during his apprenticeship. Quickly found himself sleeping on a girder beneath Westminster Bridge: occassionally crawling out to offer a shaky shoe shine to city gents - in a desperate bid to...