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They've got a funny way of showing it...

He's the best player in the Championship? Who said that? One of the brightest youngsters, for sure, but not one of the best players. He needs to be able to cross to become a better player. But still, 10 goals and 7 assists in league and cup last year isn't to be sniffed at for a 19 year old...

Blimey, you actually did come back with something worse than "your mum". Wilf not in the Olympic squad? Oh well - that gravy train is best avoided, it always has been a bit farcical and I've said that from the start. Had he played it would have trebled his value to nigh-on £45m. I feel sorry...

Witty. I love your range of images and putdowns. Is a "your mum" cuss next on the agenda? I don't mind a bit of banter, but your levels are befitting of a 7 year old. Let us worry about Wilf, you can worry about cappedthirtyeighttimesforspainandbestplayerinthechampionshipbarnone Vicente.

I see. Glad to see the old favourite attendance figures being wheeled out as some kind of barometer of success in a time when many clubs' attendances are falling. Stadium? Meh. It'll do, it's got a pitch in the middle. Playing squad? Time will tell. 'Fading' indeed. Excuse me whilst I get into...

Fading in what sense? Or is this another high horse lark. Thought as much.

Yes, thanks. Do I not give the impression that I do? What hoops do I have to jump through to prove that I do? Do I need to construct a laboured and poorly articulated point about your new stadium or have a giggle at your club's transfer policy? What do I need to do to show this? The ladder's...

Wowzers. Can I get you a ladder?

I see. I'm not entirely sure belittling a scheme to get schoolchildren watching the club is entirely fair game, but there you go. However, some might argue it's child abuse. After our end to the season, I'd say it probably was.

What's your point? Is there one to make? When did everyone become an accountant and/or marketing expert? Good grief.