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Was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill People were giving me weird looks, so i started jogging instead ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I recently had to quit my skiing career It was going down hill too fast...

I was driving through a village today and saw a sign which read 'Max Speed 20' I thought "Happy birthday Max. Have a great day"

Just been to the shop to buy oxo cubes, couldn't find them anywhere They must've been out of stock

I'm not saying staff at my local Sainsbury's are inept, but i've used self checkout twice and i've already been named Employee of the Month

I went up to a personal trainer in the gym today and told him i really wanted to impress a girl i'm after. I asked him which machine i should use. "ATM" he replied

Dame Ellen Mcarthur's latest round the world attempt has been foiled She was overtaken by a Jap on a garage door

What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes? Dnosaur

I was in a public toilet when a voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?" I thought it a bit strange but didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not bad thanks" After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?" I answered, somewhat reluctantly...

A Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car?" asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act." "Oh yeah?" says the cop. "Let's see you do it." So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and...

Haha brilliant. Not too much at all. It's a joke at the end of the day

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' 'Well,' says the vet, 'let's have a look at him' So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, 'I'm going to have to put him down.' 'What? Because he's...

Haha these jokes are funny keep em coming. Here's another... I had a fight with a man on some moving stairs today We started arguing at the bottom, and things just escalated from there

A lorry carrying onions has overturned on the motorway Police are urging motorists to find a hard shoulder to cry on

My Korean mate was going to cook his wife a surprise birthday dinner But someone let the cat out of the bag

I'm bored and could really do with a giggle, so if you have any jokes please share. Here's 1 to start the ball rolling... A man goes to work and shouts "VODKA, TEQUILA, SAMBUCA" His boss hears this and says "Oi! I call the shots round here"