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I had a funny and embarassing thing the other day. I came out of the cinema in London town having sat through bloody Resident Evil in shit 5D or summink, and went to unlock my bike. I was in the Leicester Square area and looking to take myself off to the footie for my weekly Monday-night game...

I just went past Paddy Ashdown at lunchtime. I was walking with a female colleague, and as he went by i muttered "Pandy Pantsdown". My colleague, whilst gently scratching her thigh, said "No, it's just an itch." She's slightly hard of hearing.

His eyebrows were the right way up then too, before turning upside down. When he was on This Is Your Life they wheeled out his two babies (real babies and not nuts) and they suffered from the same smileybrow syndrome.

Been reported before, but i had a drink with Terry Sue Patt in a mexican bar in Islington on my birthday about 10 years ago. I recognised him in the toilet, didn't look at his cocker, and asked if he were Benny Green from Grange Hill. Nice bloke, bought me a pint. I'd already had a few.