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You forgot to mention that his name absolutely WREAKS of FLAIR

Wash your mouth out son. You mark my words Kazenga is set to be the GREATEST thing to ever happen to this football club

Batigol maybe a super FLAIRNIAC GOD but he recognises the supreme FLAIR talent of Kazenga and wishes to be a part of the revolution he is set to kickstart. I also heard that PELE offered super Kazenga his sofa if he ever needed to crash and Juan Roman Riquelme BEGGED him to sleep with his sister

So FLAIR he doesn't need HAIR

OK. Kazenga Lua Lua is undoubtedly THE most FLAIR player in all of the FLAIR league of lower division football. He is SO FLAIR that Gabriel Batistuta would PAY to clean his boots just to get a whiff of this KING OF FLAIR

That's the spirit. If we don't sign up super Kazenga forthwith then I will never forgive this club. He is going to DESTROY League One and is already a shoe in for player of the season if you ask me

Argus says the boy Kazenga would be keen to stay at Brighton. Well that's good enough for me. He has a f***ing awesome name and his brother was pretty good so I'm sold. Shame the transfer window is actually closed but why should that matter? SIGN HIM UP NOW