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wear a gas mask, for two hours, with one of arthur mullards steaming duggie hurds in it for a chance of a gobble off of the bird from dempsey and makepiece?

yeah. would you walk around trafalgar sq bollock naked, save for a mexican hat on, whilst singing aloud "i cant stand it with bandit" for a free season ticket for life

without a shadow of a doubt. at half-time on the pitch at a wembley cup final, would you pull your knob up and play your spuds like a cello to win the eurovision song contest

or give steven hawking a frenchie for the chance to represent your country at the world cup?

yeah, every bit helps. would you suck on andrew lloyd webbers salty back wheels for a chance to run over the finishing line backwards and beat usain bolt in the olympic 100m final, thus creating a new world record of 6.14 seconds which will probably never get beaten

would you let roberto carlos kick your starfish in with a pair of winkle-pickers on, for the chance to live the life of scott tracey and be in charge of thunderbird one for a whole month?

would you stick a packet of extra strong mints up your bum pipe for the chance to kick neil harris in the plum?

would you get fingered by an elephant to smash piers morgan and alistair campbell in the face?

would you have a half sliced scotch bonnet chilli rubbed over your sphincter pipe for a nosh off melinda messenger?

would you suck a pint of tramps piss through albert steptoes skid-stained gunties for a chance to be invisible for the day?

yes, his name's ashley

robbie from eastenders acne or karl malden's helmet nose?

suck a sumo wrestlers knackersack or lick stavros from kojacks bell end?

would you rather have cyril from 'thats life's' eyes or jack from 'on the buses' choppers?

:clap2:qualla. chew on frank cannons arse grapes or lick between rik wallers armpit folds?

to go unbeaten at home all season, would you wear lou beales pants on your head to said games and shout 'gawd blimey arfur' everytime we get in the oppositions half?

would be better if it was live. for £10000 of dixons vouchers, would you lick ann widdicombes mott out then go round your nans and kiss her on the lips? (tongues optional)

yep. to marry jennifer anniston would you eat your dinner off john mcriricks skiddy gunties whilst ethel from eastenders gave you a nosh?

in a heartbeat. for free nando's for life would you lick mike gattings cricket box after he'd been at the crease all day in the west indies?

of course, it could do with a trim!