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1945, D mob day in London and everyone is out in uniform enjoying themselves. A serviceman is drinking and chatting with a servicewoman. He says," let's go out for some fresh air," and she agrees. Once outside they start getting intimate when she says, " hold on", points to her hat and says, "...

Why have elephants got big ears? Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.

Why are pirates called pirates? THEY JUST ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (said loudly in a piratey type voice.)

Two pieces of black tarmac were causing trouble in a pub. As the landlord went over to have a word, a pink piece came in and they went quiet and sat in the corner. The black pieces told the landlord to watch out for the pink piece because he was a cycle path.

What's round white and giggles? A tickled onion.