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Did everyone like Wayne Rooneys last new hair cut he was sporting at the the England Game ? Apparently it happened as a result of a missunderstanding when Playboy Mag offered Collen £100,000 to shave her twat!

Mary had a little lamb. it was full of fun on frollics. It followed her to school one day so she kicked it the bolllocks

Bill said to ben, flob ba lob bob lab a bob. Ben said, if you really loved me you would swallow it

Bloke went to the doctor and said doc, i got a cricket ball stuck up my arse, How that ? the doctor replied, don't you f***ing start he said

Police arrested two boys yesterday, one was eating fireworks and the other was drinking battery acid. They charged one and the let the other on off

A big hole appeared at the bottom of Edward street last night. Police say they are looking into it.

Someone broke into the police station last night and stole the toilets, Police say they got nothing to go on.

What you call a woman who can suck a golf ball through a hosepipe ? Darling

Two old ladies laying on a beach when a streaker ran passed, one had a stroke, and the other one missed.

What does an Essex girl say after sex ? do you all play for the same team ?

Paddys wife had twins, bought a shotgun to look for the other father.

What do you call a bloke with 3 wooden heads, Edward Woodward

Guy tapped on my window at the traffic light and asked if i could give him a lift, sure i said, your young, you you look great the worlds your oyster.

Walked in the butchers shop with a bucket the other day, said can i have a pound a fillet please? he said i 'll have a pound you don't ?

Went to the railway station the other day and asked for a return ticket. Where to he asked ? back here you pratt i told him

Was on a bus the other day wen a tall blond walked passed, knew she was tall as i was on the top deck

Bloke was in to a bar and says ouch, It was iron bar

What do you call a boomerang that don't come back ? A stick

What green and smells of pork ??? Kermit's fingers

whats pink and wrinkled and hangs out your underpants ? Your mum