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Two midgets Greg and Dave in hotel bar discussing how they never get laid. Suddenly two leggy blondes come up for a drink, and plucking up the courage they start chatting to them. A couple of hours later, things are going well for them both and they move things up to the midgets joining...

A snail slivered into a pub and said 'a pint of fosters please'. The landlord said 'you're not old enough' and kicked him out. 2 years later he cam back in and said 'what did you do that for?'