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I e-mailed the club about Villa tickets last Monday as instructed to do so via the official club website, if I was experiencing problems applying online. I used to be a season ticket holder for 4 years and unfortunately am no longer one due to work and personal circumstances. I was a member of...

NOTE: Pay attention to the first two judges before reading the reaction of the third judge Judge #3 was an inexperienced food critic named Frank, who was visiting from America . Frank: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a Curry Cook-off. The original person called...

In light of our National football teams recent success, the BBC will be showing a World Cup 2010 preview tomorrow night at 10.30pm Except for viewers in Scotland and Wales who will be watching "Out of Africa"

Only went for an hour though as I started to feel sick. They have this new machine there that does everything............ Kit Kats, Mar bars, Dairy Milk, Snickers.

A doctor in Dublin wanted to get off work and go fishing, so he approached his assistant "Murphy, I am going fishing tomorrow and don't want to close the clinic. I want you to take care of the clinic and take care of all me patients". "Yes, sir!" answers Murphy. The doctor goes...

With all the doom and gloom at the moment, I have found these letters sent to Viz Magazine from members of the public, they made me chuckle, so I hope you enjoy them too...... Last week I attended an AA meeting, and to my horror, each person present stood up and openly admitted to being...

A husband and wife are travelling by car from Brisbane to Melbourne. After almost ten hours on the road, they're too tired to continue And they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When...

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University. On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one...

I play alot of golf and hear different terms for types of shots played, here are a few.... can anyone add to this? A Sally Gunnell - not pretty but a good runner A Paris Hilton - an expensive hole A Dennis Wise - a nasty 5 footer A Diegio Maradonna - a very nasty 5 footer A Salman...

The Silent Fart An elderly couple was attending church services. About halfway through, she leaned over and whispered to her husband, 'I just let out a long silent fart. What do you think I should do? He replied, 'Put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

I was playing golf earlier today and got stung on the neck by a wasp....:angry: Yes it did smart before anyone asks. One guy playing in front of my group very kindly applied some Anthasan cream to ease the stinging and also gave me a clarityn tablet. This promptly started a debate with others...

A chicken farmer went to a local bar... He sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!' 'What a coincidence,' the farmer says, 'This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating.' 'This is a...

A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything? He says, 'Yes, just caffeine.' 'Have you ever been in the service?" 'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.' The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward...

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!' That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night' She said, 'Aye, did ye...

It's a bit of fun... WORLD'S EASIEST QUIZ >> (Passing requires 4 correct answers) >> Please answer all questions before scrolling down for the answers. >> >> >> >> 1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last? >> >> 2) Which country makes Panama hats? >> >> 3) From which animal do we get catgut...

I have just taken delivery of a new Skoda, the clutch is a bit sticky, but the engine is well sweet. I was driving down the road when someone crashed into me , there was pieces of jelly and sponge cake everywhere!! FFS:p

I am experiencing problems with my Laptop running excel. Each time I enter information it's fine for about five or six lines and then it keeps freezing and coming up with compatibilty mode (not responding) it then gives me three options, Restart, close or wait for response. If I click wait it...

I reckon with a predicted sell out and taking into consideration people working, the weather etc, tonight's crowd will be 7622. Lets get behind the team and beat the Pikey's.:ascarf:

A Professor was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing that this was not the most riveting subject, the Professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your...

Here are 12 of the finest (unintentional) Double-entendres ever aired on British TV and radio. Enjoy. 1. Pat Glenn, weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria . I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!" 2. New Zealand Rugby Commentator - "Andrew Mehrtens...