Ordinary pond weed - groenlandia - sold in pet shops
If you're near Southwick I'll give you a bit of free weed
I do hope you're going to kermit to this new project
I do hope alls well with you
Tadpoles are voracious meat eaters. Shove a bit in and you'll see.
25 years ago I found some bullfrog tadpoles in a garden centre. Since this thread is here I'll share the story via the poem I wrote about it.
Quite a few came into the country then. We made sure they didn't escape into the wild, it wouldn't have been a good idea.
THE BRITISH BULLFROG
Six inch sperm in garden centre
Strange, zygotic waggle dance
Disembodied, black placenta
Hitched a ride on foreign plants.
Uninvited and unwanted.
Poet says ‘I’ll take them home!’
Four enormous bullfrog tadpoles
In my pond and free to roam.
Press release from the Home Office:
It’s a witch hunt, there’s no doubt.
‘Catch these immigrant amphibians!
They’re illegal – stamp them out!
They’ll wipe out our native species!’
(Don’t tell me: they’re weird, they smell,
Nick our jobs and shag our pond life
And they’re on the dole as well.)
Crashing down, the eco-jackboot.
‘No, they can’t stay in your pond!
You’ll be fined at least a thousand
If you let these things abscond!’
Semen-like, they squirm in protest.
‘Freedom for the Southwick 4!’
But I know the awful verdict:
Custody for evermore.
Few months in an old aquarium
Then this macro-spunk grows legs
Diet of red meat and chicken –
Turn their snouts up at ants’ eggs…
One year more and they are sorted.
Asylum from Home Office doom.
Summer: big pit in the garden.
Winter: in our living room.
Now their diet is worms and crickets
(Big worms and big crickets, sure.)
Grow two inches every year
And we love them – sod the law!
Soon they’ll want some bigger victims
And the poet has a plan
Vengeance on the great oppressor
From our huge pit bullfrog clan….
Cats kill frogs – I’ve seen them do it
As a kid that lesson learned
Saw the corpse and shook with anger -
Soon the tables will be turned!
Pampered Kitty meets the posse.
Bullfrogs think ‘Mmm..nice and fat
One rich owner – what’s the flavour?
Yes! Our favourite! Kit-E-Kat!
Feline diet makes them bigger
Hungrier and sharper still
Militant amphibian army
Huge of mouth and iron of will.
Every kind of eco fascist
Down their throats the same old way
As they croak ‘No deportations!
British Bullfrogs – here to stay!’
(They ended up about 6 inches across and lived their lives out in the back garden. We still miss the croaking. )
On a serious note, we had frogspawn in abundance in a small Brook next to our allotment.
But for the last 2 years, there has not been a sign of them or frogs.
Any suggestions
Preston Park / Fiveways
