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[Humour] Joke de Jour



shingle

shingle

Well-known member
Jan 18, 2004
3,141
Lewes
Recently, there was a football match between the animals and the insects. At half time the animals were 3-0 up. At the start of the 2nd half the insects brought on their star player, a centipede called Dave. At the end of the match the insects had won 7-3 with Dave the centipede scoring all 7 goals. At the end of the game the captain of the animals team came up to the centipede and said, why didn't you start the game to which Dave the centipede replied.

It took me till half time to get me boots on.
BOOM :giggle:
 




jcdenton08

jcdenton08

Enemy of the People
NSC Patron
Oct 17, 2008
10,722
shingle said:
Recently, there was a football match between the animals and the insects. At half time the animals were 3-0 up. At the start of the 2nd half the insects brought on their star player, a centipede called Dave. At the end of the match the insects had won 7-3 with Dave the centipede scoring all 7 goals. At the end of the game the captain of the animals team came up to the centipede and said, why didn't you start the game to which Dave the centipede replied.

It took me till half time to get me boots on.
BOOM :giggle:
Click to expand...
I find this story very unlikely.

And Dave, while clearly a talented footballer, showed a severe lack of preparation in his pre-match routine by not putting his boots on sooner.

Something seems off about this.
 


The Wookiee

The Wookiee

Back From The Dead
Nov 10, 2003
14,870
Worthing
The animals must be really crap to have only scored 3 goals against a team that aren’t big enough to even kick a ball !
 


Is it PotG?

Is it PotG?

Thrifty non-licker
Feb 20, 2017
23,410
Sussex by the Sea
I think an idea for the future might be a product endorsed by football legend Jamie Redknapp.

Slip-on Skechers would save Dave a lot of time in his preparation.
 


Stat Brother

Stat Brother

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 11, 2003
73,833
West west west Sussex
jcdenton08 said:
I find this story very unlikely.
Click to expand...
I find this story about 50 years old - and it wasn't funny then either.

Imagine not being funny when all we had for entertainment was coal.
 




M

METALMICKY

Well-known member
Jan 30, 2004
6,091
jcdenton08 said:
I find this story very unlikely.

And Dave, while clearly a talented footballer, showed a severe lack of preparation in his pre-match routine by not putting his boots on sooner.

Something seems off about this.
Click to expand...
Indeed. It's a schoolboy error. And in an era of super light slipper like boots surely there were slip on boots available
 




Cotton Socks

Cotton Socks

Skint Supporter
Feb 20, 2017
1,735
What size was the ball and the animals? Clearly going to be a difference in goal scoring ability between a size 5 football and a table tennis ball, depending on the animals.
 




South Stand Bonfire

South Stand Bonfire

Who lit that match then?
NSC Patron
Jan 24, 2009
2,202
Shoreham-a-la-mer
If it took him so long to lace up his boots, why didn’t Dave start changing earlier?

Changing the subject slightly, I was in a pub once and a tortoise crawled up to the bar and ordered a pint. The barman said he didn’t serve tortoises, picked him up, walked to the front door and threw him out as far as he could. Six months later, the same tortoise walked into the same pub, walked up to the barman and said “Why did you do that?”
 


















Questions

Questions

Habitual User
Oct 18, 2006
24,896
Worthing
South Stand Bonfire said:
If it took him so long to lace up his boots, why didn’t Dave start changing earlier?

Changing the subject slightly, I was in a pub once and a tortoise crawled up to the bar and ordered a pint. The barman said he didn’t serve tortoises, picked him up, walked to the front door and threw him out as far as he could. Six months later, the same tortoise walked into the same pub, walked up to the barman and said “Why did you do that?”
Click to expand...
Because he’d been told that’s why… Admittedly the barman was very much over zealous
 


Baldseagull

Baldseagull

Well-known member
Jan 26, 2012
10,959
Crawley
shingle said:
Recently, there was a football match between the animals and the insects. At half time the animals were 3-0 up. At the start of the 2nd half the insects brought on their star player, a centipede called Dave. At the end of the match the insects had won 7-3 with Dave the centipede scoring all 7 goals. At the end of the game the captain of the animals team came up to the centipede and said, why didn't you start the game to which Dave the centipede replied.

It took me till half time to get me boots on.
BOOM :giggle:
Click to expand...
No mention of the earwig with number 0 on his shirt. Crowd loved him, and were signing earwig o, earwig o, earwig o.
 


B

Bodian

Well-known member
May 3, 2012
11,884
Cumbria
shingle said:
Recently, there was a football match between the animals and the insects. At half time the animals were 3-0 up. At the start of the 2nd half the insects brought on their star player, a centipede called Dave. At the end of the match the insects had won 7-3 with Dave the centipede scoring all 7 goals. At the end of the game the captain of the animals team came up to the centipede and said, why didn't you start the game to which Dave the centipede replied.

It took me till half time to get me boots on.
BOOM :giggle:
Click to expand...
Although he may have scored all the goals, he wasn't the one that the fans were chanting for was he.

Oh no - that was Ear Wig, who wore the number 0 shirt.
 








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