Limericks

[Acker79]

I stumbled on this thread:

LimerickDB: Top 150

Some of my favourites:

There was an old man
From Peru, whose lim'ricks all
Look'd like haiku. He

Said with a laugh "I
Cut them in half, the pay is
Much better for two."


Rob, an odd fellow, designs
Poems of equal-length lines
And he limericks with flair
As his forethought and care
Ensure a word count of 3 9s

(27 characters in each line, 27 words in the limerick)



There once was a small juicy orange,
...f***.


The limerick's structure somewhat
necessitates *eloquent* smut.
If you haven't the time
to learn meter and rhyme,
then don't write them, you ignorant slut.


A daring young woman named Alice
used a dynamite stick as a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And bits of her anus in Dallas.

 

[Marc1901]

well thats not gay much ?

 

[Ecosse Exile]

There was a wee singer called Gately,
Who hasnt been singing much lately,
After a bottle of rum,
and a cock up his bum,
His trip to the sun ended fatally.

Ill get me coat

 

[sod1]

There was a wee singer called Gately,
Who hasnt been singing much lately,
After a bottle of rum,
and a cock up his bum,
His trip to the sun ended fatally.

Ill get me coat

 

[Pretty pink fairy]

There was a wee singer called Gately,
Who hasnt been singing much lately,
After a bottle of rum,
and a cock up his bum,
His trip to the sun ended fatally.

Ill get me coat

 

[Lady Whistledown]

From the depths of the crypt at St. Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles
Said the vicar, "Good gracious!
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles?"

 

[Lady Whistledown]

There was a young sailor named Bates
Who danced the fandango on skates.
But a fall on his cutlass
Has rendered him nutless,
And practically useless on dates

 

[dougdeep]

An awfully nice fellow from Hove,
had a very fine coat which he wove.
The collar was mink,
and the cuffs were bright pink,
and the rest was a nice shade of mauve.

 

[Pretty pink fairy]

An awfully nice fellow from Hove,
had a very fine coat which he wove.
The collar was mink,
and the cuffs were bright pink,
and the rest was a nice shade of mauve.

to much time spent in public toilets there doug

 

[Lady Whistledown]

There was an old man from Devizes
Who had bollocks of two different sizes
The left was so small
It was no use at all
While the other won numerous prizes

 

[Hiney]

The was an old man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Blades of grass
Grew round his arse
And his balls were covered in weeds

 

[Ecosse Exile]

From the depths of the crypt at St. Giles
Came a scream that resounded for miles
Said the vicar, "Good gracious!
Has Father Ignatius
Forgotten the Bishop has piles?"

 

[dougdeep]

to much time spent in public toilets there doug

That's crap, a limerick has 5 lines, or can't you count that high?

 

[Acker79]

That's crap, a limerick has 5 lines, or can't you count that high?

There once was a girl from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two

 

[smalldino]

an orange gimp at selhurst i saw
With the ALBION and palarse at war
and we went on the hunt
for that soft palarse ****
but we only found his mother, the whore

 

[sod1]

There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, “You’re a tight one.”
She said, “Pardon my soul,
but you’re in the wrong hole.
There’s plenty of room in the right one.”

 

[siclean]

there was a manager called slade..
whos about as useful as a blunt razorblade
comes to brighton thinking he can take us up
couldnt even get us in 2nd round of one coat johnstone cup
overweight bald and without a clue
another has been manager destined for the dole queue !!!

 

[Cadiz Seagull]

One night, while mixing rose madder,
Titian's model ascended a ladder.
Her position, to Titian,
Suggested coition,
So he nipped up the ladder and adder

 

[Martinf]

There once was a women from Taunton
Who had one big tit and one shorten
But to make up for that
She had a ruddy great crack
And a fart like a 650 Norton

 

[1066familyman]

The was an old man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Blades of grass
Grew round his arse
And his balls were covered in weeds

I know a slightly different version. It goes :

There was a young man from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Within an hour his knob was a flower
And his arsehole was covered in weeds.