[Humour] It is Friday, sunny, life is bereft of fun, tell a joke, have a beer.....

[Happy Exile]

Molten tar - wonderful smell. But never too sure why it should be so - is it something in it, some sort of chemical reaction? Not sure.

I don't know the answer, but when I tried to tar my drive it looked rubbish. Can't blame anyone else though, it's my own stupid asphalt.

 

[Baker lite]

I once dated a one legged girl who worked in a brewery, she was in charge of the hops….



Coat.

 

[Grassman]

Just been banned from the all you can eat buffet. As if I haven’t got enough on my plate.

 

[A mex eyecan]

I once dated a one legged girl who worked in a brewery, she was in charge of the hops….



Coat.

i knew her sister. The one who had one boob at the front and one boob on her back.
She wasn’t much to look at but boy she was lovely to dance with …

 

[Sirnormangall]

This was the first joke I was ever told. It remains hilarious today, but probably not for the original reasons. Remember, I was five when I was told it.

A young lady was out walking with her three dogs.

They were called Bum, Tits and Willy.

Unfortunately while in the park she lost the dogs.

She found a policeman, luckily, and said:

Have you seen my Bum, Tits and Willy?

The policeman said: No, but I'd like to!

I laughed out loud at that. My wife read it and thinks I’ve peaked too early on the vino - and she’s probably right ( she normally is).

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I laughed out loud at that. My wife read it and thinks I’ve peaked too early on the vino - and she’s probably right ( she normally is).

Considering the context, and even without, it is a cracker

(Best not read this thread with a mouthfull of wine )

 

[1066familyman]

Just back from the shops.

I meant to buy 6 cans of Sprite, but picked 7up instead.

 

[Barrow Boy]

Had some great sex the other day, the wife said she felt a bit horny, so I bent her over the freezer and took her roughly from behind. As I said, great sex, but probably best not to go back to that particular branch of Sainsburys for a while though!

 

[Brok]

I just met a Chinese drug dealer, he asked "Have you seen my cocaine?"

I said "No, not since 'The Italian Job'.

 

[sydney]

i ran into the back of a car this morning on the way to work , the guy got out and he was only about 3 ft tall ..." i'm not happy " he said ....."well which one are you then ...?" i replied.

 

[Eric the meek]

A woman had two dachshunds, a male and a female. They were always at it, shagging away like there was no tomorrow.

It got to such a stage that she decided to take them to the vet. When she got there, she got them out (and the dachshunds) and sure enough they began another session.

The vet said, 'no problem. Just keep the male downstairs and the female upstairs'.

'What good will that do?' the woman replied.

The vet replied 'Have you ever seen a dachshund with a hard-on get up the stairs?'

 

[Brok]

I've put all my dogging gear up for sale on Ebay

No bids yet, but 14 watchers...

 

[Questions]

A man walks into a pub

 

[Saladpack Seagull]

What's the difference between a dead squirrel in the road and a dead Palace fan in the road? There are skid-marks in front of the squirrel.........