GT49er
Well-known member
Quite right. And it's not clever to mock people asking for help, either.
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[Help] Help needed - child with anger problems
- Thread starter Normal Rob
- Start date
Quite right. And it's not clever to mock people asking for help, either.
Seagull
Yes I eat anything
Hi Rob,
Some good advice on here. There's probably a reason she is angry and it would be good to find out what that is.
1) Speak with her and ask her in a non-confrontational space i.e. when she's not angry
2) Ask the school (I agree probably without her) - her form teacher for example. Is anything going on at school?
3) Check her overall health with GP, in case there is another factor of which you are not aware.
Possible helpful services:
Place2Be https://www.place2be.org.uk/ is a children's mental health charity providing help in schools
NHS on anger: https://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/controlling-anger.aspx
Moodjuice: http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/Anger.asp a self help guide
Young Minds https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help...MIr5yj49v_1gIVjrXtCh13CQIbEAAYASAAEgKNrfD_BwE there's a free download here of a document for parents dealing with anger
Hope this helps.
Some good advice on here. There's probably a reason she is angry and it would be good to find out what that is.
1) Speak with her and ask her in a non-confrontational space i.e. when she's not angry
2) Ask the school (I agree probably without her) - her form teacher for example. Is anything going on at school?
3) Check her overall health with GP, in case there is another factor of which you are not aware.
Possible helpful services:
Place2Be https://www.place2be.org.uk/ is a children's mental health charity providing help in schools
NHS on anger: https://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/controlling-anger.aspx
Moodjuice: http://www.moodjuice.scot.nhs.uk/Anger.asp a self help guide
Young Minds https://youngminds.org.uk/find-help...MIr5yj49v_1gIVjrXtCh13CQIbEAAYASAAEgKNrfD_BwE there's a free download here of a document for parents dealing with anger
Hope this helps.
Normal Rob
Well-known member
- Thread starter
- #23
I'm a dad. NSC is a kind of Dadsnet isn't it?
btnbelle
New member
- Apr 26, 2017
- 1,438
Middle children can feel left out, even when your doing your absolute best to treat all your children the same. Neither being the eldest or youngest, can leave them seeking attention with negative behaviour.
Try talking to her openly, without judgement. Ask her how she feels, and how she feels towards the people the anger is aimed at. Reassurance from her her family that she is loved along with quality time doing the things she enjoys. When she displays anger make it clear in a calm and kind way that it is not acceptable and agree what the consequence will be.
Try talking to her openly, without judgement. Ask her how she feels, and how she feels towards the people the anger is aimed at. Reassurance from her her family that she is loved along with quality time doing the things she enjoys. When she displays anger make it clear in a calm and kind way that it is not acceptable and agree what the consequence will be.
Bold Seagull
strong and stable with me, or...
The low brow always manage to reveal themselves on these type of threads.
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Thunder Bolt
Silly old bat
Street angel, home devil.
She feels safe and secure with your love, so any frustrations she has she can take out on you. I would say it's ok to be angry but it's what you do with that anger that's important.
The anger can be positive and motivating, but can also be destructive, and I would tell her that. Ask her if she would like to write down her feelings. It's also possible that at 9, she too could be pre-puberty, as girls start so much younger now.
Normal Rob
Well-known member
- Thread starter
- #27
things had been going ok until this morning. My girl had been seeing the support worker at school, and we've had a home visit also. It brought up some unexpected things. It seems as though the death of my father on Christmas eve 5 years ago hit her harder than we thought. All 3 of my kids were there when i got the call from the police (it was totally unexpected) and then, obviously were around when we had both my mum and brother to stay with us for the following week. She remembers the day, and him, better than i thought. This, alongside her alienation through being a strong tomboy, plus being coeliac and always having to eat differently from other children (please, if you have kids parties, always try to find out if there are kids with dietry requirements attending, it's not nice for a child to have to just sit and watch as the other kids get cakes and sweets etc) have clearly contributed to her issues.
But, as i said, it was all going well until this morning. I was getting all 3 ready for school and was just finishing the packed lunches but i could not find her water bottle. This was my fault obviously. It started to spiral out of control and i knew it. But i failed to stop it and instead i got angry myself. I lost my temper and screamed at her and in return was bitten, kicked and then punched in the face. It was all i could do to not strike back. I got them to the car and literally hurled her in. I knew that she would not put her belt on, and if i did it she would just undo it repeatedly, so i'm sorry to say i just drove off, knowing that she would put it on herself out of fear if i did so. The cold weather of late has led to her having a split lip, which re-opened this morning in her rage and now she is saying that she is going to get school to report me to the police so that i get arrested and taken away. I hope the school know me well enough to know that i could never hurt her deliberately. It's not been a good morning.
Apologies for spilling all on here.
But, as i said, it was all going well until this morning. I was getting all 3 ready for school and was just finishing the packed lunches but i could not find her water bottle. This was my fault obviously. It started to spiral out of control and i knew it. But i failed to stop it and instead i got angry myself. I lost my temper and screamed at her and in return was bitten, kicked and then punched in the face. It was all i could do to not strike back. I got them to the car and literally hurled her in. I knew that she would not put her belt on, and if i did it she would just undo it repeatedly, so i'm sorry to say i just drove off, knowing that she would put it on herself out of fear if i did so. The cold weather of late has led to her having a split lip, which re-opened this morning in her rage and now she is saying that she is going to get school to report me to the police so that i get arrested and taken away. I hope the school know me well enough to know that i could never hurt her deliberately. It's not been a good morning.
Apologies for spilling all on here.
Pevenseagull
Anti-greed coalition
- Jul 20, 2003
- 19,610
Any pets?
Not being glib, but a family I know have an 8/9 year old who was getting a bit stroppy and they got a rabbit and guniea pig and within a couple of weeks they calmed right down.
Not being glib, but a family I know have an 8/9 year old who was getting a bit stroppy and they got a rabbit and guniea pig and within a couple of weeks they calmed right down.
Didn't see this thread a few months ago. I feel for you because we had a lot of the same issues with my daughter - we had violent outbursts at home and at school. What has been a life saver for us is her discovering rugby, she can channel all her aggression on the pitch but in a disciplined way (she also did boxing for a while too).
It has literally been a life-changer for us (although it does mean that I've had to give up an inordinate amount of time taking her to games and training to be a coach so I can work with her).
I also like the suggestion of the pet. Again, acquiring a dog has helped her calm down, she has something else to focus on in the house.
But everyone's different, it's worked brilliantly for us (not that it's sorted out every problem) but I appreciate It may not be for everyone.
Good luck with it ... and I'm sure the school will be understanding about this morning
It has literally been a life-changer for us (although it does mean that I've had to give up an inordinate amount of time taking her to games and training to be a coach so I can work with her).
I also like the suggestion of the pet. Again, acquiring a dog has helped her calm down, she has something else to focus on in the house.
But everyone's different, it's worked brilliantly for us (not that it's sorted out every problem) but I appreciate It may not be for everyone.
Good luck with it ... and I'm sure the school will be understanding about this morning
Don’t know you but I’m full of admiration with the way you are seeking help and being so open. Whatever you do don’t meet fire with fire, it will result in an explosion. Clearly something other than the lost bottle has triggered this behaviour and who knows the answer might help with the long term solution. Did someone at school take her bottle? Does she feel she has failed because she has lost it? Or is it something else like bullying at school? The school might be able to provide the answers.
I feel for you and wish you good luck
.
Have I got you confused with a bellend?
Thunder Bolt
Silly old bat
I'm a great believer in sport helping troubled youngsters, if they can find something they like doing. It can channel their agression, and encourage team work.
midnight_rendezvous
Well-known member
Hi Rob, sorry to hear the problems you are having.
I’d just like to share with you a strategy my school uses and one that I found particularly useful when dealing with a seven year old boy who had similar anger issues and, on any given day, could send tables and chairs hurling across the room at me and other pupils. It was pretty terrifying to see just how angry he could be but by using something called emotion coaching we slowly but surely started to see little improvements. It’s not a magic wand but it worked well.
The gist of it is to teach children to recognise how they feel, why they feel it and how to self regulate. It sounds pretty ‘wooly’ but stick with me. Emotion Coaching starts by recognising your child’s feelings, acknowledgeing them and then setting behavioural boundaries i.e. “I can see you are feeling angry, it’s ok to feel angry but it’s not ok to hit or punch”. While it takes time to teach a child about feelings and appropriate behaviors, it is time well spent.
You can find more on http://www.parentingcounts.org/information/timeline/five-steps-of-emotion-coaching/
It may sound a bit meh but it really helped me with a few children suffering from anger and anxiety. Hope it helps.
I’d just like to share with you a strategy my school uses and one that I found particularly useful when dealing with a seven year old boy who had similar anger issues and, on any given day, could send tables and chairs hurling across the room at me and other pupils. It was pretty terrifying to see just how angry he could be but by using something called emotion coaching we slowly but surely started to see little improvements. It’s not a magic wand but it worked well.
The gist of it is to teach children to recognise how they feel, why they feel it and how to self regulate. It sounds pretty ‘wooly’ but stick with me. Emotion Coaching starts by recognising your child’s feelings, acknowledgeing them and then setting behavioural boundaries i.e. “I can see you are feeling angry, it’s ok to feel angry but it’s not ok to hit or punch”. While it takes time to teach a child about feelings and appropriate behaviors, it is time well spent.
You can find more on http://www.parentingcounts.org/information/timeline/five-steps-of-emotion-coaching/
It may sound a bit meh but it really helped me with a few children suffering from anger and anxiety. Hope it helps.
Had this with one of our kids and went to Drs but it all takes so long to get referred etc. Went private in the end and if you can afford it I'd recommend Louise Shuttleworth: https://www.louiseshuttleworthpsychotherapy.com as she did wonders for our family.
In the short term trying to distract the child works miracles.
In the short term trying to distract the child works miracles.
Wow. Good that you've found out and can try to address it.
Because other parents aren't sorting that out, could you not take a really fancy packed lunch, so she joins in?
Oh jesus. You have a support worker at the school, maybe contact them and tell them about your daughters lip and the threat she made just in case she says anything?
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Arthritic Toe
Well-known member
My younger daughter had very similar issues although it always came out at home - she was a model student at school. She would have terrible tantrums scream and shout and fling things about. She seemed to grow out of it as she got to 13/14 years old, but all it had really done was changed - it turned into self-harming which is a horrible thing. Following good counselling though she genuinely seems to be able to manage her anger now. She's 18 and at university now. I guess what I'm saying is to remain very vigilant, as she gets older, to make sure she isn't just internalising her anger. All the best.
Lush
Mods' Pet
Obviously professional help is good but is there a relative or friend of the family who could treat her to a milkshake and a chat occasionally? Maybe they have a shared interest? Your daughter then has a chance to let go of what's going on in her head. They can make it clear that so long as she's not at risk, then everything is confidential.
Shropshire Seagull
Well-known member
Kids eh ?
Yet another great example of NSC helping its own.
My difficult [younger of two] daughter is 22 now and lives in a flat - she's physically attacked me and Mrs SS in the past - she was diagnosed borderline Asperger's when she was 7 and went through 6 primary schools as most teachers had no idea how to "manage" her. Fantastic secondary school had staff who knew how to deal and things did improve - medication was essential - referral to CAMHS was not particularly helpful either.
Good luck ....
Yet another great example of NSC helping its own.
My difficult [younger of two] daughter is 22 now and lives in a flat - she's physically attacked me and Mrs SS in the past - she was diagnosed borderline Asperger's when she was 7 and went through 6 primary schools as most teachers had no idea how to "manage" her. Fantastic secondary school had staff who knew how to deal and things did improve - medication was essential - referral to CAMHS was not particularly helpful either.
Good luck ....