Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊

o/t Sharing a joke



Triggaaar

Well-known member
Oct 24, 2005
49,989
Goldstone
You don't buy books from a library.
Ok, so swap 'buy' to 'borrow'.
What are you buying a book in a library for when you can loan it for free?
See above.
You: I'd like to borrow the book on small penises
Librarian: I can't locate it at the moment
Yes, that's the one.
Rubbish - nowhere does the librarian or the user name the book title in the script.
Yes they do.
Oh ok - the librarian is a mind-reader and so too is the user?
User? WTF is a user? Why are you being dense?
 


rigton70

Well-known member
Jul 5, 2003
940
1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine


The top 15 jokes at Edinburgh Fringe.
 




GT49er

Well-known member
Feb 1, 2009
46,473
Gloucester
1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine


The top 15 jokes at Edinburgh Fringe.
At least two of which found their way on to here earlier. Plagiarism rules!
 








Stato

Well-known member
Dec 21, 2011
6,528
Rubbish - nowhere does the librarian or the user name the book title in the script.

Oh ok - the librarian is a mind-reader and so too is the user? Now that make sense.

So the lines should be:

A mind-reader walks into a library.
The librarian says "fu**k off - the book's not in yet".
User: "I'll come back another time".

Surely the traditional NSC version should be:

A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book about very small penises,
The librarian replies 'It isn't in yet,' and he says:
"In that case, wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich."
 






portlock seagull

Why? Why us?
Jul 28, 2003
16,979
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers
 












Albion in the north

Well-known member
Jul 13, 2012
1,507
Ooop North
Wife: "do you see that drunk man over there?"
Husband: "Yes, do you know him?"
Wife: "Yes, 10 years ago he asked me to marry him and I turned him down"
Husband: "And he's still celebrating?"
 




catfish

North Stand Brighton Boy
Dec 17, 2010
7,677
Worthing
In Jamaica a steak & kidney pie costs £2.70, a chicken & mushroom £2.50 & an apple pie £2.

In Trinidad & Tobago it's £3, £2.80 & £2.20.

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean.
 












Lindfield by the Pond

Well-known member
Jan 10, 2009
1,886
Lindfield (near the pond)
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers
Was that the grandfather that was a fighter pilot ace in WW2? The one that shot down countless planes, many of which were German?
 



Paying the bills

Latest Discussions

Paying the bills

Paying the bills

Paying the bills

Albion and Premier League latest from Sky Sports


Top
Link Here