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Bell Cheeses at work









AmexRuislip

Trainee Spy 🕵️‍♂️
Feb 2, 2014
33,727
Ruislip
Good afternoon everyone,

Not posted for a while, having mainly forgotten I had a login. But having read through every page of this thread as a guest, I have now felt compelled to get this off my chest.

Firstly, I work for myself, so I'm afraid to say that the only cheese around here is me. So I'd like to bring up 'out of work emails'. You know, the instant message that pops back into your inbox to say 'Sorry, am out of the office now until next wednesday, but if you urgently need to contact us, please email on sales@bellcheese.com'.

So why, WHY, do people feel the need to post what they're actually doing?! I got one yesterday saying 'Will be out the office now until next week, as I'm off to Viva Las Vegas baby to spend all my money' if that isn't serious cheeseness then I don't know what is, I don't give an owls nad what you're doing. Frankly, I hope you lose all your money, your passport and your plane ticket and you never bother me again.

The next one I received (which having seen some of the comments on here about pregnant women at work, I'm sure will agitate some people) was 'Sorry am out of the office now, I've just given birth to an amazing baby boy called (some twatish name I can't remember) weighing 7 pounds, mother and baby are doing well'. **** off, just **** OFF. I don't care and neither does anyone else, other than your family and no doubt the other cooing women in your office. I don't need to know this pointless bit of TWADDLE.

And whilst I'm at it, another thing which I know has been covered, but people who speak in a put on accent or another language. Received an email from someone yesterday regarding a quote that I'd sent saying 'Gracias'. ******* Gracias, you're not Spanish, your name is Steve mate. I felt like walking to his place of work and smashing his keyboard over his CJTC head.


Cue an [MENTION=1416]Ernest[/MENTION] thread possibly :wink:
 


Bigtomfu

New member
Jul 25, 2003
4,416
Harrow
Can't believe I forgot to post this earlier.

A 'junior' member of staff (she's not in age and has merely never progressed from her position in 15 years with the company) on one of our smaller teams announced she was reluctantly leaving with great fanfare via an 'ALL STAFF' email that reached approx. 1,000 members of staff in London, and approx. 500 in the U.K. and Channel Islands, FIVE WEEKS before she was actually due to leave - no doubt to seriously MILK it for all it's worth.

In my office that's a cardinal sin to start with as we all receive enough tossy emails without our inboxes being CLOGGED with unnecessary GUFF.

To give you an idea of the type of lady we're talking about here whenever I read this thread and 'CRISPS' is mentioned this woman pops into my head.

Her self imposed five week leaving carnival came to a close with the customary open invite work drinks at the local whereby she reserved the prime area, put her card behind the bar, spent all afternoon DOLLING herself up and left especially early to capture the prime spot for herself and waited....

And waited....

And waited....

The thing is so many people in the office stop in there on the way to the tube or just in general that there's nearly always c50 or so people from the office there at any given time, more on a Thursday which this was.

I was mooching past around 6.30, she'd been there since 5 expectantly, and there were 3 people with her.

The worst part was the next day/morning. She made a HUGE fuss about coming in late hungover and dressed like some BEHEMOTH bee in a stripy yellow and black top bumbling around and eating everything in sight like a bear emerging early from hibernation.

Around 11 am her husband and daughter came in to help her take all her accumulated CRAP home with her.

Their offspring resembling the behavioural characteristics of a child raised by Wolves running a mock under desks as the husband plodded around and observed her feral activities without so much as a bye or leave for the client conversations and actual work she was disturbing.

This carried on for about an hour before their little caravan SODDED off into the night and the entire office sighed collective relief with no one none the wiser about what the f*ck she did.

What a BC.
 




The_NitramJohn

New member
Feb 18, 2012
41
Does using works stairwell to do your daily exercise routine count? [emoji41]

*photos deleted at request of poster*

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 
Last edited by a moderator:




brightn'ove

cringe
Apr 12, 2011
9,136
London
Some bellcheesery and some venting here.

Basically, the company I work for don't seem capable of sacking anyone unless they fail a drug/alcohol test, and loads of people have realised that you can be completely incompetent and get away with it. One guy in particular is the best example of this.

He has worked for the company for 15 odd years and has been moved around numerous different sectors because they seemingly can't get rid of him. The job he is currently in is completely redundant, yet he earns a good 45-50k for occasionally turning up. He is 'ill' 3 days out of 5 and 'works' in our other office a lot, so nobody ever knows if he is in or not (he usually isn't). Whenever he does get involved in something, everything instantly turns to shit.

Not to mention the fact that he is one of those people that refers to everyone as "Mr/Mrs (surname)" which is ****ing irritating. He also says "etcetera etcetera" at the end of EVERY sentence.

He sends round e-mails at 6.30am or 10pm that are utterly pointless, linking the whole of our team to something we have been working on for months with 'FYI'. My personal favourite was 'don't know if you noticed guys, but we have a new website', which we had all been involved in for 6 months +.

I don't know how true this story is (from a reliable source) but I am told that last year he strolled into the office with a Nutribullet and was drinking 5 smoothies with kale, spinach, carrots, berries 'etcetera etcetera'. Naturally, he was shitting non-stop, as you would when consuming that amount of fruit and veg in a short time period, but apparently he couldn't work out why he was shitting constantly.. He got signed off work for TWO MONTHS because he was 'waiting for test results from the doctor' :ffsparr: Even now he is off with a bad back one week, the shits the next, a three-week bout of flu the next.. Where is the point when a company is allowed to say 'right, you're taking the piss mate'?

That man is not a bell cheese. He is a bloody genius.
 




clarkey

Well-known member
Jan 3, 2006
3,498
Does using works stairwell to do your daily exercise routine count? [emoji41]

Firstly, capturing a BC in full flow is hugely commendable and appreciated by us all.

Does your work place have showering facilities? And have the appropriate H&S authorities been notified? This man needs a disciplinary one way or another.
 




Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
61,673
Location Location
Does using works stairwell to do your daily exercise routine count? [emoji41]

That, sir, is 24 carat WEAPONS GRADE bellcheesery.

Top marks on the photographic evidence too. Sometimes these things have to be seen to be believed.
 
Last edited by a moderator:




karlos278

New member
Jul 28, 2009
8
Coming from the person in this photo (quick work), I must say this is bellcheesery at it's finest, but it is very cold, windy and wet outsi
 


Bob'n'weave

Well-known member
Nov 18, 2016
1,970
Nr Lewes
Does using works stairwell to do your daily exercise routine count? [emoji41]



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Top shelf BC in action, well captured. Send pics to your 'Elf and Safety nazis who will no doubt string him up for blocking emergency fire exits etc. *Choking victims lying in a clusterf*ck of broken wheelchairs and elastic BC exercise chords*.

This guy is class, new level of BC.
 
Last edited by a moderator:


The Clamp

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Jan 11, 2016
24,272
West is BEST
Can't believe I forgot to post this earlier.

A 'junior' member of staff (she's not in age and has merely never progressed from her position in 15 years with the company) on one of our smaller teams announced she was reluctantly leaving with great fanfare via an 'ALL STAFF' email that reached approx. 1,000 members of staff in London, and approx. 500 in the U.K. and Channel Islands, FIVE WEEKS before she was actually due to leave - no doubt to seriously MILK it for all it's worth.

In my office that's a cardinal sin to start with as we all receive enough tossy emails without our inboxes being CLOGGED with unnecessary GUFF.

To give you an idea of the type of lady we're talking about here whenever I read this thread and 'CRISPS' is mentioned this woman pops into my head.

Her self imposed five week leaving carnival came to a close with the customary open invite work drinks at the local whereby she reserved the prime area, put her card behind the bar, spent all afternoon DOLLING herself up and left especially early to capture the prime spot for herself and waited....

And waited....

And waited....

The thing is so many people in the office stop in there on the way to the tube or just in general that there's nearly always c50 or so people from the office there at any given time, more on a Thursday which this was.

I was mooching past around 6.30, she'd been there since 5 expectantly, and there were 3 people with her.

The worst part was the next day/morning. She made a HUGE fuss about coming in late hungover and dressed like some BEHEMOTH bee in a stripy yellow and black top bumbling around and eating everything in sight like a bear emerging early from hibernation.

Around 11 am her husband and daughter came in to help her take all her accumulated CRAP home with her.

Their offspring resembling the behavioural characteristics of a child raised by Wolves running a mock under desks as the husband plodded around and observed her feral activities without so much as a bye or leave for the client conversations and actual work she was disturbing.

This carried on for about an hour before their little caravan SODDED off into the night and the entire office sighed collective relief with no one none the wiser about what the f*ck she did.

What a BC.


I'm so sorry but I cannot let that go. It's "By your leave" and means to seek permission, usually to leave a room or an area/exit a meeting.
 




The_NitramJohn

New member
Feb 18, 2012
41
Coming from the person in this photo (quick work), I must say this is bellcheesery at it's finest, but it is very cold, windy and wet outsi

Oops!

Did wonder if you may be on here!
As you actually saw me speaking to my Father, any delusions as an undercover spy, have gone for a burton LOL!

The more seagulls fans here, the merrier!
Get sick & tired of hearing about Chelsea, Liverpool, Man U etc, all the time!
 


Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patreon
May 8, 2007
12,749
Toronto
Coming from the person in this photo (quick work), I must say this is bellcheesery at it's finest, but it is very cold, windy and wet outsi

Oops!

Did wonder if you may be on here!
As you actually saw me speaking to my Father, any delusions as an undercover spy, have gone for s burton LOL!

The more seagulls fans here, the merrier!
Get sick & tired of hearing about Chelsea, Liverpool, Man U etc, all the time!

Well this is an amusing turn of events

:lolol:
 


The Clamp

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Jan 11, 2016
24,272
West is BEST
RE: Exercise bod.

I may be mistaken but I don't see a towel anywhere to hand. Bit manky rubbing your sweaty back all over the bannister and then leaving it? Apologies if you do wipe..
 


karlos278

New member
Jul 28, 2009
8
I take full responsibility for the strong levels of BC on display - perhaps exercising in an 'almost' unused stairwell was not the wisest decision.
 




jakarta

Well-known member
May 25, 2007
15,616
Sullington
Can't believe I forgot to post this earlier.

A 'junior' member of staff (she's not in age and has merely never progressed from her position in 15 years with the company) on one of our smaller teams announced she was reluctantly leaving with great fanfare via an 'ALL STAFF' email that reached approx. 1,000 members of staff in London, and approx. 500 in the U.K. and Channel Islands, FIVE WEEKS before she was actually due to leave - no doubt to seriously MILK it for all it's worth.

In my office that's a cardinal sin to start with as we all receive enough tossy emails without our inboxes being CLOGGED with unnecessary GUFF.

To give you an idea of the type of lady we're talking about here whenever I read this thread and 'CRISPS' is mentioned this woman pops into my head.

Her self imposed five week leaving carnival came to a close with the customary open invite work drinks at the local whereby she reserved the prime area, put her card behind the bar, spent all afternoon DOLLING herself up and left especially early to capture the prime spot for herself and waited....

And waited....

And waited....

The thing is so many people in the office stop in there on the way to the tube or just in general that there's nearly always c50 or so people from the office there at any given time, more on a Thursday which this was.

I was mooching past around 6.30, she'd been there since 5 expectantly, and there were 3 people with her.

The worst part was the next day/morning. She made a HUGE fuss about coming in late hungover and dressed like some BEHEMOTH bee in a stripy yellow and black top bumbling around and eating everything in sight like a bear emerging early from hibernation.

Around 11 am her husband and daughter came in to help her take all her accumulated CRAP home with her.

Their offspring resembling the behavioural characteristics of a child raised by Wolves running a mock under desks as the husband plodded around and observed her feral activities without so much as a bye or leave for the client conversations and actual work she was disturbing.

This carried on for about an hour before their little caravan SODDED off into the night and the entire office sighed collective relief with no one none the wiser about what the f*ck she did.

What a BC.


Marvellous Scenes, well reported - presume not too many people contributed to her leaving pressie?
 





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