[Brighton] Being called ' Mate'. When is it ok?

B-right-on said:

Personally the only time I dont think its acceptable is when a parent calls their kid 'mate'. No he/she isnt your 'mate' they are your child and teach them some respect for parents and others. Cannot stand that. Starts there and then you get them treating teachers as mates and then the law and thats a downward spirial from there. Call a lot of people 'mate' I meet but never ever my kids. Love them to bits, but they arent my 'mate', their my kids and that is a lot more to me than a 'mate'.

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Rogero said:

Fine when it is a mate saying it. But is it ok for shopworkers, bar staff and waiters to call you it. Should a waiter say it ? Well. I don't like it.
How do you feel?

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LlcoolJ said:

Each to their own. My son is the most polite, respectful kid you could ever want to meet (ask his teachers, cricket coaches, other kids' parents etc) and I call him "mate" all the time. Because he's also my best mate.

He's also learnt that words do not define meaning but the use of them does.

Maybe at ten years old he gets that better than you do? Or maybe I'm still waiting for the downward spiral to kick in.

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Brighton Mod said:

I reckon its a Brighton thing, when I joined the army in the early eighties many didnt quite get it, apart from the fact that the Scottish, Welsh, Irish, West Country, Midlands, Geordies, East anglians etc all thought I was from London.
I no longer live in Brighton and now the word used is fella, its not and neither is mate a first person name but a third person term. Such as tu and vous in French, if it offends anyone, just communicate that to the sender of the term, simples.

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BadFish said:

I call mine mate too, I don't think it makes them any less respectful. I agree that they take this meaning as a affectionate term rather than actually thinking I am their mate.

My old man used to call me batman when I was a kid (no, I don't know why either) and I never once thought I was batman.

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Sussex Nomad said:

Mate is a great get out when you forget a name, but I call everyone mate, except girlies and I hate it when they say mate (whole new story), it happens, don't get upset mate.

Edit: I have more time for people calling me mate when they knock me sideways in a rush hour train than some woman that just looks at you like a piece of sh!t.

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Postman Pat said:

I always call my son 'mate', he's a pretty decent and respectful kid. He's nearly 18, and I'm pretty sure he isn't stealing cars or dealing drugs. Not sure when this downward spiral kicks in.

I'm worried now, I call the grandkids 'pickle' are they going to think they are pickles?

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Mustafa said:

You most likely don't like it because of a socially learned feeling of superiority you have over shopworkers, bar staff and waiters.

When someone calls another person 'mate' they are expressing a desire to form a bond with a fellow human being, in a very British way. It's usually a very positive social interaction, so it's a shame that you dislike it, or that you feel you are superior to them, purely on the basis that they are people working in these types of jobs.

If they were working in professions that you respected more, then you would surely not feel such contempt towards them calling you 'mate'.

I think you should reflect on this, and consider that we are all equal despite the professions that we have. Perhaps them calling you 'mate' is a compliment that you are worthy of their empathy.. and maybe consider calling them 'mate' back. It might make them feel good.

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