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[Misc] Great things about your other half.



El Presidente

The ONLY Gay in Brighton
Helpful Moderator
Jul 5, 2003
39,689
Pattknull med Haksprut
Following on from the 'annoying habits' thread, here's some NSC love for our partners. Some of you have met my wife and it's common knowledge that I'm batting way above my average with her.

I had a knee reconstruction operation three weeks ago which has left me unable to walk without crutches since then. I'm in a full leg brace and not allowed to bear any weight on the affected knee.

This has constrained me far worse than I'd envisaged, and my wife has to help me dress, shower, I cannot cook, drive or even sit in the front of car as I'm lanky. This is quite embarrassing in many regards, as we all consider ourselves to be independent and losing that does cause some self-reflection, but also an appreciation that this is a temporary matter and for others it is more long term. So far so good, I'm appreciative of all the help she's given, but I think most of us would expect our partners to do the same.

I'm also taking medications following the operation, which have as a side affect stopped me going for a POO on a regular basis, and when I do it's big, smelly and hard, a bit like Neil Ruddock but in turd form.

To save some self worth I've managed to hop to the toilet whenever needed, and developed a sit down and wipe technique that whilst time consuming, seemed to work, and have permitted an element of self dignity.

Last week however the wheels fell off. Feeling the urge to have a sit down adventure after five days egg bound, I made my way to the toilet, dropped a depth charge, wiped, flushed and then managed to stand up, only to be faced by a jobbie that can best be described as a brownberg, 9/10 below the water and could possible sink the Titanic if it was in open water.

I then flushed again, again and again, but this was a non-moving number two, and was taking no encouragement to shift. I then, very embarrassed, had to call my wife and explain the situation, being on crutches I couldn't do much more myself.

It's fairly humiliating to have to show your PLOP to the woman you love, she tried flushing a few times herself but to no avail. She then showed her true love by popping down to the kitchen and cutting the plop with a pair of chopsticks* a couple of times (whilst wearing rubber gloves and trying not to gag on the fumes). This woeked successfully and the brown flotilla then was able to sail around the U-bend to its proper destination.

I can only describe her act as one of true love, cutting up your partner's Douglas Hurds into more manageable chunks is not part of the contrat when you walk up the aisle together, but I've concluded that she'd definitely a keeper.

Here's to TOP TOP BIRDS






*although I was slightly nervous when she cooked chicken fried rice later that day and served it with chopsticks.
 




Guinness Boy

Tofu eating wokerati
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patreon
Jul 23, 2003
33,821
Up and Coming Sunny Portslade
:lolol:

A good old fashioned EP poo thread cunningly disguised as unconditional love. Top work.

Buy her some flowers when you're mobile. And a Chinese take away.
 




Beanstalk

Well-known member
Apr 5, 2017
2,454
London
Following on from the 'annoying habits' thread, here's some NSC love for our partners. Some of you have met my wife and it's common knowledge that I'm batting way above my average with her.

I had a knee reconstruction operation three weeks ago which has left me unable to walk without crutches since then. I'm in a full leg brace and not allowed to bear any weight on the affected knee.

This has constrained me far worse than I'd envisaged, and my wife has to help me dress, shower, I cannot cook, drive or even sit in the front of car as I'm lanky. This is quite embarrassing in many regards, as we all consider ourselves to be independent and losing that does cause some self-reflection, but also an appreciation that this is a temporary matter and for others it is more long term. So far so good, I'm appreciative of all the help she's given, but I think most of us would expect our partners to do the same.

I'm also taking medications following the operation, which have as a side affect stopped me going for a POO on a regular basis, and when I do it's big, smelly and hard, a bit like Neil Ruddock but in turd form.

To save some self worth I've managed to hop to the toilet whenever needed, and developed a sit down and wipe technique that whilst time consuming, seemed to work, and have permitted an element of self dignity.

Last week however the wheels fell off. Feeling the urge to have a sit down adventure after five days egg bound, I made my way to the toilet, dropped a depth charge, wiped, flushed and then managed to stand up, only to be faced by a jobbie that can best be described as a brownberg, 9/10 below the water and could possible sink the Titanic if it was in open water.

I then flushed again, again and again, but this was a non-moving number two, and was taking no encouragement to shift. I then, very embarrassed, had to call my wife and explain the situation, being on crutches I couldn't do much more myself.

It's fairly humiliating to have to show your PLOP to the woman you love, she tried flushing a few times herself but to no avail. She then showed her true love by popping down to the kitchen and cutting the plop with a pair of chopsticks* a couple of times (whilst wearing rubber gloves and trying not to gag on the fumes). This woeked successfully and the brown flotilla then was able to sail around the U-bend to its proper destination.

I can only describe her act as one of true love, cutting up your partner's Douglas Hurds into more manageable chunks is not part of the contrat when you walk up the aisle together, but I've concluded that she'd definitely a keeper.

Here's to TOP TOP BIRDS






*although I was slightly nervous when she cooked chicken fried rice later that day and served it with chopsticks.

Would highly recommend watching the new series of Netflix's American Vandal with her.

Sounds right up your street in light of your post!
 




El Presidente

The ONLY Gay in Brighton
Helpful Moderator
Jul 5, 2003
39,689
Pattknull med Haksprut
Since the original event, I have resorted to using the CIGAR CUTTER when in the boardroom, and so far, all is good.
 


LlcoolJ

Mama said knock you out.
Oct 14, 2009
12,982
Sheffield
Oh God, this reminded me of that post by Hiney where his Mrs puked down his back. :laugh::laugh::laugh:
 


PILTDOWN MAN

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Sep 15, 2004
18,607
Hurst Green
Since the original event, I have resorted to using the CIGAR CUTTER when in the boardroom, and so far, all is good.

Going to be hard (so to speak) to take you seriously next time you're on TV
 












happypig

Staring at the rude boys
May 23, 2009
7,935
Eastbourne
she tidies up after me when I leave my crap lying about.
she doesn't moan or ask "how much have you spent on penknives/torches this month"
she looks after me when I am ill
she is happy for me to take early retirement even though it means making economies
 




Surf's Up

Well-known member
Jul 17, 2011
10,147
Here
Following on from the 'annoying habits' thread, here's some NSC love for our partners. Some of you have met my wife and it's common knowledge that I'm batting way above my average with her.

I had a knee reconstruction operation three weeks ago which has left me unable to walk without crutches since then. I'm in a full leg brace and not allowed to bear any weight on the affected knee.

This has constrained me far worse than I'd envisaged, and my wife has to help me dress, shower, I cannot cook, drive or even sit in the front of car as I'm lanky. This is quite embarrassing in many regards, as we all consider ourselves to be independent and losing that does cause some self-reflection, but also an appreciation that this is a temporary matter and for others it is more long term. So far so good, I'm appreciative of all the help she's given, but I think most of us would expect our partners to do the same.

I'm also taking medications following the operation, which have as a side affect stopped me going for a POO on a regular basis, and when I do it's big, smelly and hard, a bit like Neil Ruddock but in turd form.

To save some self worth I've managed to hop to the toilet whenever needed, and developed a sit down and wipe technique that whilst time consuming, seemed to work, and have permitted an element of self dignity.

Last week however the wheels fell off. Feeling the urge to have a sit down adventure after five days egg bound, I made my way to the toilet, dropped a depth charge, wiped, flushed and then managed to stand up, only to be faced by a jobbie that can best be described as a brownberg, 9/10 below the water and could possible sink the Titanic if it was in open water.

I then flushed again, again and again, but this was a non-moving number two, and was taking no encouragement to shift. I then, very embarrassed, had to call my wife and explain the situation, being on crutches I couldn't do much more myself.

It's fairly humiliating to have to show your PLOP to the woman you love, she tried flushing a few times herself but to no avail. She then showed her true love by popping down to the kitchen and cutting the plop with a pair of chopsticks* a couple of times (whilst wearing rubber gloves and trying not to gag on the fumes). This woeked successfully and the brown flotilla then was able to sail around the U-bend to its proper destination.

I can only describe her act as one of true love, cutting up your partner's Douglas Hurds into more manageable chunks is not part of the contrat when you walk up the aisle together, but I've concluded that she'd definitely a keeper.

Here's to TOP TOP BIRDS






*although I was slightly nervous when she cooked chicken fried rice later that day and served it with chopsticks.

That reminds me of when I too was recovering from surgery and, like you, had been unable to have a bowel movement for 4 days and I was starting to feel decidedly unwell. A quick phone call to my GP who authorised a prescription for some high powered movement inducing suppositories and my other half had me pinned down on the bed as she inserted a suppository up my jacksie. Neither of us were prepared for what happened next.......within a nano second of the suppository being properly lodged in my rectum there was a massive rumbling, I screamed at my wife to get out of the way as I made a desperate dash to the toilet with the effects of the suppository already beginning to emerge from my bum. Like you, what eventually came it was absolutely massive, rock solid (with hindsight I was actually quite proud to have birthed such a monster) and with the most appalling stench and it was the sheer size and mass of the thing that prevented a very messy accident on the way to the toilet. But she witnessed the whole event calmly, has not referred to it since at parties and informal gatherings and most astonishingly and I believe she still loves me!!!
 






LlcoolJ

Mama said knock you out.
Oct 14, 2009
12,982
Sheffield
My wife is batshit mental and constantly stresses me out. However, the plus sides more than make up for it.

She's my best friend, she's an amazing mum, her cooking is fantastic, she's incredibly honest, kind and loyal and I'll leave the most important bit out.....but just wow (even after 14 years).
 




father_and_son

Well-known member
Jan 23, 2012
4,646
Under the Police Box
Have to say.... even though I have posted in the other thread... my better half is an absolute rock and an amazing person and I almost certainly wouldn't be here if it had not been for her support through some dark times.
 









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