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Bell Cheeses at work



Iggle Piggle

Iggle Piggle

Well-known member
Sep 3, 2010
5,337
It's April Fools day! I love April fools day, all those HILARIOUS people who come up with jokes that are so amusing I've bought in my needle and thread to sow my sides back up after they explode through laughter.

Today, however, has seen some genuine amusement when the girl opposite fell for the joke that Zayn from One Direction (who I wouldn't recognise if I fell over him, proving that I am getting old) has been replaced by Robbie Williams.
 




Simster

Simster

"the man's an arse"
Jul 7, 2003
54,211
Surrey
Iggle Piggle said:
It's April Fools day! I love April fools day, all those HILARIOUS people who come up with jokes that are so amusing I've bought in my needle and thread to sow my sides back up after they explode through laughter.

Today, however, has seen some genuine amusement when the girl opposite fell for the joke that Zayn from One Direction (who I wouldn't recognise if I fell over him, proving that I am getting old) has been replaced by Robbie Williams.
Click to expand...

We had a colleague come back today after two days off. We told him he'd missed the big announcement that our out-of-hours support payments were being halved from the next tax year onwards. He has been FUMING for an hour and a half and phoned his wife about it. We thought we'd let him know he'd been had about ten minutes ago, as he was just putting on his jacket ready to march into our boss's office. It's been terrific entertainment for the other 5 people in our team though.
 
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Iggle Piggle

Iggle Piggle

Well-known member
Sep 3, 2010
5,337
Simster said:
We had a colleague come back today after two todays off. We told him he'd missed the big announcement that our out of hours support payments were being halved from the next tax year onwards. He has been FUMING for an hour and a half and phoned his wife about it. We thought we'd let him know he'd been had about ten minutes ago, as he was just putting on his jacket ready to march into our boss's office. It's been terrific entertainment for the other 5 people in our team though.
Click to expand...

That is brilliant. This offering from my gaff, however, makes me want to punch someone in the face and walk out the office door. Company name redacted to protect the humourless.

We are pleased to announce the launch of a new offering – the xx Oppressive Opportunity Limiter – which has been developed as our first “Smart Cites” initiative in this country. As many people will be aware, “Smart Cities” is a growing market in many parts of the world, and uses digital technologies to enhance performance and wellbeing, to reduce costs and resource consumption, and to engage more effectively and actively with its citizens. Key 'smart' sectors include transport, energy, health care, water and waste.

Today – 1st April – we are launching this new initiative that will revolutionise all traffic lights across London (and other major UK cities), making them safer by protecting pedestrians, cyclists and other road users. Once the xx Oppressive Opportunity Limiter is fitted, any cyclist who attempts to pass a red traffic light, will be hit with a mild electric shock simultaneously through their handlebars and saddle. Tests show that having been shocked three times, cyclists start to learn to follow the rules of the road, and passing through a red light drops by an incredible 47 percent.

This is a fantastic example of how xx is investing in the local community, and enhancing the safety of our country. When asked, the Mayor of London commented “A poor silly fad? No – it is a fantastic innovation. Poorly lad – as if!”

Together we will make it happen.

April Solof
 


Simster

Simster

"the man's an arse"
Jul 7, 2003
54,211
Surrey
Jesus Christ [MENTION=17261]Iggle Piggle[/MENTION], that is probably the shittest April Fool I've ever heard of. Neither remotely believable. Nor FUNNY. :nono:
 






B

Brian Fantana

Well-known member
Oct 8, 2006
7,249
In the field
Iggle Piggle said:
That is brilliant. This offering from my gaff, however, makes me want to punch someone in the face and walk out the office door. Company name redacted to protect the humourless.

We are pleased to announce the launch of a new offering – the xx Oppressive Opportunity Limiter – which has been developed as our first “Smart Cites” initiative in this country. As many people will be aware, “Smart Cities” is a growing market in many parts of the world, and uses digital technologies to enhance performance and wellbeing, to reduce costs and resource consumption, and to engage more effectively and actively with its citizens. Key 'smart' sectors include transport, energy, health care, water and waste.

Today – 1st April – we are launching this new initiative that will revolutionise all traffic lights across London (and other major UK cities), making them safer by protecting pedestrians, cyclists and other road users. Once the xx Oppressive Opportunity Limiter is fitted, any cyclist who attempts to pass a red traffic light, will be hit with a mild electric shock simultaneously through their handlebars and saddle. Tests show that having been shocked three times, cyclists start to learn to follow the rules of the road, and passing through a red light drops by an incredible 47 percent.

This is a fantastic example of how xx is investing in the local community, and enhancing the safety of our country. When asked, the Mayor of London commented “A poor silly fad? No – it is a fantastic innovation. Poorly lad – as if!”

Together we will make it happen.

April Solof
Click to expand...

Shit the bed. That is utterly GASH.
 




B

Brian Fantana

Well-known member
Oct 8, 2006
7,249
In the field
Rodney Thomas said:
Anyone? It's been a slow (and boring) day...
Click to expand...

Pretty quiet one here, too.

The only midly annoying thing has been one of the men in our team BUSTLING around all morning very loudly, specifically aiming to show that he is incredibly BUSY. This performance is punctuated by annoyling-audible sighs and looks round to see if anyone has noticed or will comment on his gargantuan workload. The reason? He's off on holiday and wants to give the impression that the office is going to fall apart at the seams whilst he's away.
 




TWOCHOICEStom

TWOCHOICEStom

Well-known member
Sep 22, 2007
10,578
Brighton
Anyone else got the "shall we stick a bit of music on?" MONSTER at their office? It's the one who loves that playlist of shitty pop, r&b and hip hop songs from 2002. That one.
The one that goes home shortly after deciding we should all listen to the delights of Missy Elliot and Ja ****ing Rule....

I'm quite tolerant to a bit of music at the office, really I am. But when I forget my (lifesaving) Bose QC-15s, the balance between being polite "I'm cool with that" kinda guy and being a miserable ******** is very fine.

Upon realising the person has left, I turn the music off, only for someone else (who sits 10m away from the speakers) to come over, act all surprised that SOMEHOW the music has stopped. Start it playing. Turn it UP. Then have the audacity to say "Tom, is that too loud for you sat there?". "Yeah a bit actually". "Okay!" and return it to the same volume it was before!!!!

I might stick on a bit of Napalm Death. That'll show em.
 


Nibble

Nibble

New member
Jan 3, 2007
19,238
Having to spend this sunny day inside at the computer on my own with R6 my only company. I'm supposed to be working on a book, so far I've written two pages, put a wash on, cleaned the lounge, lit a fire, been food shopping, had a hot chocolate in Starbucks while staring at MILF. Had a look around Oxfam, changed the bed sheets, put a new string on my bow, had an hour long shower and made a game pie. I've had a look around and can't see any bell cheeses so I'm assuming I am the bell cheese.
 


Dr Q

Dr Q

Well-known member
Jul 29, 2004
1,793
Ilkley
Um, do I now qualify for Bell Cheese status, I took my dogs to work last week!!

In my defence I'd picked them up from kennels in the morning after a business trip, and it started to get to hot in the car for them. So I brought them into the office. Our CEO is very anti-dog, but thankfully my group of 12 have just moved to another building down the road in parkland, and a number of them own dogs too. The dogs had a quick run round the work rooms and got fussed by everyone, and then came and sat in my own office with me for the rest of the day.

All in all, everyone seemed happy with it, and there were no mishaps other than somones ryvita being nicked off a desk. However, I will wait for the great and the good of NSC to decide my bell cheesy'ness!!!
 




TWOCHOICEStom

TWOCHOICEStom

Well-known member
Sep 22, 2007
10,578
Brighton
Dr Q said:
Um, do I now qualify for Bell Cheese status, I took my dogs to work last week!!

In my defence I'd picked them up from kennels in the morning after a business trip, and it started to get to hot in the car for them. So I brought them into the office. Our CEO is very anti-dog, but thankfully my group of 12 have just moved to another building down the road in parkland, and a number of them own dogs too. The dogs had a quick run round the work rooms and got fussed by everyone, and then came and sat in my own office with me for the rest of the day.

All in all, everyone seemed happy with it, and there were no mishaps other than somones ryvita being nicked off a desk. However, I will wait for the great and the good of NSC to decide my bell cheesy'ness!!!
Click to expand...

I think that's a deciding factor.
 


Badger

Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
12,782
Toronto
Dr Q said:
Um, do I now qualify for Bell Cheese status, I took my dogs to work last week!!

In my defence I'd picked them up from kennels in the morning after a business trip, and it started to get to hot in the car for them. So I brought them into the office. Our CEO is very anti-dog, but thankfully my group of 12 have just moved to another building down the road in parkland, and a number of them own dogs too. The dogs had a quick run round the work rooms and got fussed by everyone, and then came and sat in my own office with me for the rest of the day.

All in all, everyone seemed happy with it, and there were no mishaps other than somones ryvita being nicked off a desk. However, I will wait for the great and the good of NSC to decide my bell cheesy'ness!!!
Click to expand...

A one off is just about bearable but I still wouldn't be happy with it. The reason everyone SEEMED happy is because the ones who weren't happy would have just grinned and beared it, sitting in the corner waiting for it to be over. I've been doing this for the 6 months I've been in my office, I just know that I'm going to come in really tired one day and just SNAP, making my feelings quite clear towards the C*** who brings in the pain-in-the-arse, squeaking, barking, pissing little runt dog.

Meanwhile I'm awaiting the return from the pub of the guy who sits next to me. He'll have had 3 pints and driven back (it's a 5 minute walk) and spend the afternoon with beer breath, burping, slurring his words and suddenly being very chatty.
 


Rodney Thomas

Rodney Thomas

Well-known member
May 2, 2012
1,574
Ελλάδα
Brian Fantana said:
The only midly annoying thing has been one of the men in our team BUSTLING around all morning very loudly, specifically aiming to show that he is incredibly BUSY. This performance is punctuated by annoyling-audible sighs and looks round to see if anyone has noticed or will comment on his gargantuan workload. The reason? He's off on holiday and wants to give the impression that the office is going to fall apart at the seams whilst he's away.
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Dear lord... He'll end the day with some overly loud comment about 'putting the out of office on' or leave latter than everyone else making a big show of having to stay behind!
 




Rodney Thomas

Rodney Thomas

Well-known member
May 2, 2012
1,574
Ελλάδα
Badger said:
Meanwhile I'm awaiting the return from the pub of the guy who sits next to me. He'll have had 3 pints and driven back (it's a 5 minute walk) and spend the afternoon with beer breath, burping, slurring his words and suddenly being very chatty.
Click to expand...

I can never understand how people get away with this now-a-days... but similar things have been mentioned a few times on this thread!
 


B

Brian Fantana

Well-known member
Oct 8, 2006
7,249
In the field
Rodney Thomas said:
Dear lord... He'll end the day with some overly loud comment about 'putting the out of office on' or leave latter than everyone else making a big show of having to stay behind!
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You underestimate his bellendery. He's already put the out of office on, adding a caveat to it to say that although he's in the office today, he's unavailable as he's 'handing over' before he goes away.
 


spring hall convert

spring hall convert

Well-known member
Nov 3, 2009
9,608
Brighton
Brian Fantana said:
Pretty quiet one here, too.

The only midly annoying thing has been one of the men in our team BUSTLING around all morning very loudly, specifically aiming to show that he is incredibly BUSY. This performance is punctuated by annoyling-audible sighs and looks round to see if anyone has noticed or will comment on his gargantuan workload. The reason? He's off on holiday and wants to give the impression that the office is going to fall apart at the seams whilst he's away.
Click to expand...

We've got one of those.

He's the worst person I've ever worked with, when I first joined the team I'm on, his public front was so good he had everyone fooled but I slowly started to notice outside of the obvious front, he expended more energy on actively avoiding work than doing it. In some ways that's quite useful because when he does actually do something he normally ends up doing half the job and leaving someone else in the shit or just ****ing it up. He's quite frankly delusional about his own abilities, if it were up to me rather than our likable but lacksadaisical boss, he would have been managed out a long time ago.

Out of the 5 people on our team we've been down to 2 this week, me and a new girl who's actually really good. I've made it a point of principle to ensure that the full workload was taken care of (quite easy really, we're hardly overworked) so that he couldn't do his knight in shining armour act this morning.

He clearly knew that we had been short-staffed (what is it with people that keep up on work grapvine when they are on holiday?) and right on cue as he came in started making noises about how much work was left for him to do. I took great delight in informing him there was none and he was utterly dispensible. He hasn't spoken to me since, I'm hoping this is a permanent thing.

(Work politics)
 










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