OzMike
Well-known member
Why do elephants have big ears.....................................noddy won't pay the ransom.
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Has any one got any good/bad jokes?
- Thread starter BhaRebel
- Start date
Bolton va va
Active member
- Nov 20, 2012
- 374
I visited a zoo that only had one animal.....a dog.
It was a shih tzu.
It was a shih tzu.
My wife has always said I sleep with a smile on my face and a hard on. She wonders what exactly I'm dreaming about.
Cheeky Monkey
Well-known member
- Jul 17, 2003
- 23,035
Wife came in and asked why the laptop was sticky.
It's not what you think, It's ice cream.
How did you get ice cream on it?
Ever tried eating a cornet whilst masturbating?
It's not what you think, It's ice cream.
How did you get ice cream on it?
Ever tried eating a cornet whilst masturbating?
Cheeky Monkey
Well-known member
- Jul 17, 2003
- 23,035
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.
LANGDON SEAGULL
Well-known member
I've got a stepladder at home. My real ladder left when I was 5
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Is it PotG?
Thrifty non-licker
I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button
I was in a local restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver
I was in a local restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver
Frankie
Put him in the curry
BMW problems 
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[yt]nYsTw3PQKYA[/yt]
Mo Gosfield
Well-known member
- Aug 11, 2010
- 6,284
A man goes to the doctor and says...." I've got a rather strange affliction "....When I wake up in the morning I can't stop singing ' Delilah ' and when I go to bed at night I just keep singing ' the Green Green Grass of Home '
" Thats simple " said the doctor...." You've got Tom Jones Syndrome "
The man asked...." Is it rare ? "
The doctor replied..." Its not Unusual "
" Thats simple " said the doctor...." You've got Tom Jones Syndrome "
The man asked...." Is it rare ? "
The doctor replied..." Its not Unusual "
Biscuit Barrel
Well-known member
What does DNA stand for? National Association of Dyslexics.
Biscuit Barrel
Well-known member
Q: Why was the teacher boss eyed?
A: Because she couldn't control her pupils.
A: Because she couldn't control her pupils.
The Large One
Who's Next?
A Roman centurion goes into a bar and sticks two fingers up at the barman, and says 'five pints, please...'
Brownstuff
Well-known member
Two condoms walking down the road pass a gay bar
One says to the other 'Do you fancy going in there to get shit-faced'
One says to the other 'Do you fancy going in there to get shit-faced'
"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'" "So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.'
Baker lite
Banned
What's this?
A Palestinian at a bus stop...
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
There's a Polish bloke next door. Every night he stands at the top of our street singing, "I want to know what love is."
Bloody Foreigner.
Bloody Foreigner.
Have you been watching Sky Sports News?
Knocky's Nose
Mon nez est en Valenciennes..
Elderly couple in Church...
Husband chuckles and whispers to wife "I've just done quite a long silent fart.. what should I do?"
Wife replies : "put some new batteries in your hearing aid.."
Husband chuckles and whispers to wife "I've just done quite a long silent fart.. what should I do?"
Wife replies : "put some new batteries in your hearing aid.."
AlastairWatts
Active member
Jurgen Klinsmann goes back to Tottenham to see everyone before they pull the old ground down. Spurs are playing Arsenal. As he’s in the dressing room he says to the team ‘Look guys, I fancy a run out so you go off to the pub and I’ll take care of the game’. After a discussion, they agree. After ten minutes or so, they check their ‘phones - Tottenham 1 (Klinsmann, 10 mins) Arsenal 0. ‘Oh, he’s OK they say’, so have a few more beers and wander back to the ground. When they get there, they find Klinsmann sitting in the dressing room, head in hands. ‘I’ve let you down boys' he says so they check their phones again - Tottenham 1 (Klinsmann, 10 mins) Arsenal 1 (Ozil, 89 mins). ‘But Jurgen, you got a draw’. ‘Yes’, he says,’ but I got sent off in the twelfth minute….
