Prince Monolulu
Everything in Moderation
Sh1te, no wonder my daughter always rolls her eyes when each Christmas I exclaim ' Ooh, is it a CD' ?
Damn.
Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊
Dad jokes
- Thread starter Herr Tubthumper
- Start date
Sh1te, no wonder my daughter always rolls her eyes when each Christmas I exclaim ' Ooh, is it a CD' ?
Damn.
Dick Knights Mumm
Take me Home Falmer Road
It is expected. Mine is to shake it (no matter what shape it is) near my ear and say "well it's not a jigsaw puzzle".
It is your duty man.
Lush
Mods' Pet
While I always shake it really hard and say "Is it a puppy?"
Mum jokes are way crueller.
- Jan 3, 2012
- 16,589
In response to "put the kettle on".... "It won't suit me."
Ps - that's me to my own children.
Ps - that's me to my own children.
gripper stebson
Well-known member
- Jul 27, 2004
- 6,657
I took off my rear view mirror last week and to be honest I've never looked back.
Barrel of Fun
Abort, retry, fail
Would you like me to put the kettle on?
I don't think it'll fit.
I don't think it'll fit.
AmexRuislip
Trainee Spy 🕵️♂️
What did the late tomato say to the early tomato? I'll ketch up
- Thread starter
- #31
I remember being in Boots at Gatwick airport once and a girl next to me was looking at some exfoliating gloves and her dad said "they won't keep you warm"
skipper734
Registered ruffian
What's the difference between a Buffalo and a Bison?............................................................You can't wash your hands in a Buffalo.
spongy
Well-known member
My old man has always trotted out the "I went to school with him" line.
A typical conversation will be
Me:"I'll be over soonish, gonna stop in the pub and have half a pint"
Dad:"I went to school with him"
Me:"what?"
Dad:"I went to school with him"
Me:"who?"
Dad:"Arthur Pint"
Me:"Jesus wept, will it ever end?" *bangs phone against head repeatedly*
Dad:"not as long as the word "half" exists no"
Bless him.
A typical conversation will be
Me:"I'll be over soonish, gonna stop in the pub and have half a pint"
Dad:"I went to school with him"
Me:"what?"
Dad:"I went to school with him"
Me:"who?"
Dad:"Arthur Pint"
Me:"Jesus wept, will it ever end?" *bangs phone against head repeatedly*
Dad:"not as long as the word "half" exists no"
Bless him.
Sompting_Seagull
Well-known member
'Soon be Christmas' is one of my dad's favourite sayings, he's already started again this year.
Dick Knights Mumm
Take me Home Falmer Road
That is far superior. A new joke. At my age. Splendid.
OzMike
Well-known member
I was quite well known in the Brighton area having lived there for so long and when out with the kids people always used to wave, nod etc.
They always asked 'who's that?', so I would tell them.
One day, out with my son, a car went past and beeped.
My son said 'who's that?' to which I replied 'tooting car man', I used to get away with it till he got educated.
He came home from school after learning about Pharaohs and told me off.
They always asked 'who's that?', so I would tell them.
One day, out with my son, a car went past and beeped.
My son said 'who's that?' to which I replied 'tooting car man', I used to get away with it till he got educated.
He came home from school after learning about Pharaohs and told me off.
OzMike
Well-known member
Q. What is round, white and giggles?
A. A tickled onion.
One of my favourites.
A. A tickled onion.
One of my favourites.
When my eldest was little I used to claim the ice cream van was the injection van. After i eventually relented and bought him an ice cream, when he saw his Mum he said" did you know the injection van also does ice creams?".
Tony Towner's Fridge
Well-known member
I always use the old chestnut
Q:'Dad can you give me a lift?'
A:'You look great, go for it , the wWorld's your oyster.'
guaranteed to annoy any kid after about 200 utterences.
TNBA
TTF
Q:'Dad can you give me a lift?'
A:'You look great, go for it , the wWorld's your oyster.'
guaranteed to annoy any kid after about 200 utterences.
TNBA
TTF