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Bell Cheeses at work
- Thread starter Iggle Piggle
- Start date
Sirnormangall
Well-known member
- Sep 21, 2017
- 2,967
This weather is particularly disastrous for those in management who may have to “work from home” today as well as their usual Friday.
I did [emoji106][emoji3][emoji16][emoji8]
Brownstuff
Well-known member
The usual suspects swerved work today because of the snow
The same people who think it is their right to take a minimum 2 weeks sick days leave each year even when they are not actually ill
The same people who think it is their right to take a minimum 2 weeks sick days leave each year even when they are not actually ill
Baldseagull
Well-known member
Perhaps they need a few days off here and there, to prevent them from killing the Bellcheese in the office?
Our office BC has taken nearly two weeks off in her PROBATION period so far, which buggered everyone else’s shifts about I might add. Grrr.
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Barham's tash
Well-known member
I hope you’re not thinking the armed forces will be any different from this?
Well it will have guns so you could at least attempt some kind of revenge/tidy up under the auspices of ‘friendly fire’ which might help.
That is QUALITY ranting. The button pushing aspect in particular astounds me considering she’s been adept at pushing yours since arriving.
That’s Sir is EXCELLENT. I shall have to steal it I think....
Recently I have taken a particular dislike to Project Managers and their peculiar lexicon. The thing is I’m one of more than 100,000 employees in a huge global organisation and EVERY project I am asked to participate in has typically say 15/20 people working on it at any one time one of whom is a PM.
Now ALL the PMs work in the Global Transformation team but everyone else comes from the business and are all typically Subject Matter Experts (SMEs for the uninitiated - yes it is a WANKY term).
The PMs seem to use language that is purely relevant to them that literally no one else ever gets to grips with, understands or needs to yet they absolutely INSIST on still using it despite everyone else in every call/meeting needing things to be clarified EVERY time.
Words like tollgate, initiation, creepage and critical phase analysis are used for what I and plenty of others have come to believe are there purely for self aggrandisement and role justification purposes - what a load of bellcheesery right there....
(Cue TONNES OF PMs coming out and pillorying me from this thread...)
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You’re welcome to use it [emoji23][emoji23]
Re the PMs, it’s the universal language of TOSS. We have exactly the same (even bigger firm).......dreadful contractor/consultant PMs employed by the ‘Global Transformation Team’ spewing out drivel 24/7, putting countless ‘hothouses’ (meetings) in the diary which are ALWAYS at least 2 hours long and have EVERYONE invited because a) they can’t run a meeting b) can’t make a decision c) have no real work to do so have to pad their days out to justify their ridiculous daily rates and d) know f-all about anything so extend the invite to anyone who might have a passing interest.
As a result, EVERY meeting results in no decisions, no actions, no progress and a resolve to organise yet another 2 hour ******* meeting.......
The life-sucking, salary-thieving useless ******* *******.
Lower West Stander
Well-known member
I had to go to a 4pm meeting yesterday and was nervously looking out of the window at the London weather hoping it would be over quickly....
Unfortunately one of the participants decided he wanted to review what the terms of the meeting were. There then followed 30 minutes when absolutely nothing happened other people talking crap about what crap we should be talking about. And of course, no terms actually changed.
Result? Me getting home at 8pm and the knob who started the discussion nice and warm in his posh Chiswick pad at 630.
Grrr!!!!!!
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Unfortunately one of the participants decided he wanted to review what the terms of the meeting were. There then followed 30 minutes when absolutely nothing happened other people talking crap about what crap we should be talking about. And of course, no terms actually changed.
Result? Me getting home at 8pm and the knob who started the discussion nice and warm in his posh Chiswick pad at 630.
Grrr!!!!!!
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happypig
Staring at the rude boys
An elderly relative of mine used to suffer with mild anal incontinence and he referred to it as "Creepage round the back"
Talking of meetings, we had a manager who wanted to show how dedicated he was so he arranged a meeting for 4pm on a Friday. He also tried to cement his place as Number One Arse Licker by inviting HIS manager. It backfired spectacularly when the T2 replied to all proposing a new time/venue of "Let's do it at 2, in the pub"
blue'n'white
Well-known member
That is out of the top drawer of idiocy - has he got Snopake all over his computer screen too ?
Barham's tash
Well-known member
With the ‘potential’ for travel disruption due to snow tomorrow/Fri have canvassed my team about what people intend to do - wfh/come in etc
In my head had a list of three people out of a team of 14 who I expected to do the following:
1. Claim they HAD to wfh JUST in case - they all still live inside the M25.
2. Skive off at the FIRST sign of a snowflake today because in their heads my email today about tomorrow/Fri justifies applying same rules to today should they show choose.
The first three replies in my inbox within two minutes of my email hitting theirs were from those individuals. If only there was some way to monetise such obvious clairvoyance?!
On the flip side the human beings with brains rather than blancmanges made their own executive decision and simply told me what they were doing because they’d checked the weather themselves - good behaviours, they will go far!
Also what was notable was all of the people with justifiable reasons to skive didn’t take the proverbial.
Hate skiving bell cheeses worse than anything else. (Let’s be honest it’s always the same ones right?!)
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In my head had a list of three people out of a team of 14 who I expected to do the following:
1. Claim they HAD to wfh JUST in case - they all still live inside the M25.
2. Skive off at the FIRST sign of a snowflake today because in their heads my email today about tomorrow/Fri justifies applying same rules to today should they show choose.
The first three replies in my inbox within two minutes of my email hitting theirs were from those individuals. If only there was some way to monetise such obvious clairvoyance?!
On the flip side the human beings with brains rather than blancmanges made their own executive decision and simply told me what they were doing because they’d checked the weather themselves - good behaviours, they will go far!
Also what was notable was all of the people with justifiable reasons to skive didn’t take the proverbial.
Hate skiving bell cheeses worse than anything else. (Let’s be honest it’s always the same ones right?!)
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I automatically decline any meeting that starts at 4pm. Life Leeches, anyone who suggests them.
Beach Hut
Brighton Bhuna Boy
Iggle Piggle
Well-known member
- Sep 3, 2010
- 5,318
- Thread starter
- #3,096
I should declare my hand before I start. My job title involves the words 'Project Manager' albeit I work in an organisation that operates like a small business in reality and doesn't operate 'normally' . I have to say I agree with every word you say. BS terminology isn't helpful to anyone getting anything delivered. Successful teams in my experience talk in simple language - which often includes telling each other to **** off regularly where I work.
Of most interest to me was tollgate and critical phase analysis which are new entries (Creepage I understand though as - "Tell them to F off. We're not doing it') I'm probably the wrong person to talk to though. I run a PPP meeting every Friday lunch. Pub. Peroni. Pen. It's surprisingly productive.
happypig
Staring at the rude boys
An old boss of mine used to be amenable to working from home on the proviso that we started work at the time we would have left; took me 45 mins to get there so I would start at 7.15 instead of 8.
He gained 45 mins extra for nothing at the start of the day, I gained 45 mins at the end and I saved fuel.
.....and most importantly, didn't have to deal with BELLENDS in the office
Apparently it's national RSI day today. I have avoided it by immediately deleting the email about it, thus saving needless scrolling and clicking.
On the flip side to the above post about people working from home on snowy days, there's always one in my team who insists that they have to work from the office, even if they don't turn up until midday, then have to leave at 3 because "it'll be a struggle to get home". The three hours that they are in would then be full of attempts at bloody martyrdom "well some of us made it in".