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[Football] So... surely it's high time to decide who is/was our slowest ever player...



Kosh

'The' Yaztromo
Jimmy Case at the end of his career... he didn't actually need to move out of the centre circle mind!

Interesting to read the takes herein re those class older players who seemingly could dictate a game with zero legs... Ray Wilkins of Orient era springs to mind. What is difficult to understand is how a younger pro can be soooo slow. God alone knows how slow Kemy will be at 41 (I think Case made it that far), or indeed how ponderous Ross Johnson is now... George Parris was bad enough!

Paul Byrne was another very slow winger... so slow he actually benefitted from the opposition falling over themselves as they tore beyond his wake.
 






Whitechapel

Famous Last Words
Jul 19, 2014
4,056
Not in Whitechapel
Marcus Painter? I cant remember the game but it was our first season at the Amex and he was chasing a ball down the left wing.

Poor guy. Never stood a chance.

West Ham away always sticks in my mind. Painter was getting sodomised by Vaz Te time and time again which prompted the bloke sitting behind me to shout "For f*cks sake Painter, you run like a torso."

To this day I'm not sure if he was just too drunk to prononuce Tortoise/Turtle or if he was saying that Painter ran like he had no limbs. Either way it makes me laugh every time I think of it.
 






Kosh

'The' Yaztromo
Ian Baird - both slow and chronically unfit. He looked like we'd asked the coach driver to play. Pint, pie, cig, goal. And then drive the lads to Blackpool for some quality late evening 'ladies night' action down the pink pussycat.

Pickled onions, bowls filled with quavers and roasted peanuts... pints for £1.75.

Beautiful.
 


Kosh

'The' Yaztromo
My Albion slow XI:

Wayne Henderson
Marcos Painter
Ross Johnson
Gary Hobson
Robbie Pethick
Gary Dicker
George Parris
Paul Byrne
Darren Currie
Ian Baird
Ritchie Barker.
 






The Antikythera Mechanism

The oldest known computer
NSC Patreon
Aug 7, 2003
7,759
Fred Emney has to be in with a shout

television-emney-enterprises-fred-emney-brighton-and-hove-albion-goldstone-G4H07Y.jpg
 








Wellesley

Well-known member
Jul 24, 2013
4,973
Dean Hammond would have been an excellent player if he could have accelerated beyond walking pace.
 


seagullwedgee

Well-known member
Aug 9, 2005
2,981
I raise you a Federico Turienzo,

McGhee bought him to Withdean having seen one video. When he got here, we ACTUALLY had to teach him to run. True story.
 








Moshe Gariani

Well-known member
Mar 10, 2005
12,068
So funny that Joe Gatting gets described by a load of overweight middle aged men as "slow"... :)

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk
 


edna krabappel

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Jul 7, 2003
47,228
Not sure if Russell Osman had any pace in his Ipswich Town prime, but he'd certainly lost it by the time he arrived at the Goldstone.

May I suggest Frank Stapleton, however, after his mate Liam Brady brought him to the Albion for no apparent reason? The polar ice cap in Greenland is receding faster than big Frank ever moved for us.
 








Kosh

'The' Yaztromo
So funny that Joe Gatting gets described by a load of overweight middle aged men as "slow"... :)

Sent from my SM-G900F using Tapatalk

Hey Joe,

I think it's funnier that you were actually slower than those same middle aged men. As for me, I'm neither overweight nor middle aged, but I am right when I say that you were incredibly, incredibly ****ing slow.

;)
 



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