[Help] Dealing with Anorexia

8049 · Mar 14, 2018

Hi
I am hoping the collective wisdom, knowledge and experience of NSC can offer some advice.

My 14 year old daughter has been diagnosed with anorexia and depression. She is being helped by the local authority eating disorder clinic and is not (yet) hospitalised. We're not making a lot of progress and she is still not acknowledging that she is ill and so, is still resisting eating. She is still losing weight and getting close to being hospitalised.

I think she is getting all the treatment and support that is available but my wife and I are really struggling. We are doing everything that we're being asked to in terms of how we engage with her around food and her accompanying tantrums but it is really hard to see our daughter crumbling before our eyes - ounce by ounce, tear by tear. Friends are being very supportive but we just don't know how to deal with the unrelenting stress, pressure and sadness. We're functioning but we know this is going to last a long time (or end in her dying from it) and need to work out how we're going to survive as well.

Although I hope no-one on NSC has had to deal with it, I expect someone has. Any advice, resources, guidance you can give would be greatly appreciated.

dazzer6666 · Mar 14, 2018

Sorry to hear - really feel for you. It’s a very nasty illness. Happy to discuss, will PM you.

Herr Tubthumper · Mar 14, 2018

I can’t offer anything but my best wishes with what is a very difficult situation. Good luck.

timbha · Mar 14, 2018

I really feel for you and it’s essential that it doesn’t split the family. So many helpful people on here to talk to so let NSC be part of your therapy. Good luck.

Cheeky Monkey · Mar 14, 2018

Sorry to hear, been through it as a single father with my daughter in recent years and it's so difficult. Am rushing around today so can't do this justice, but am happy to discuss further. My daughter is back to a healthy weight, but she will always have issues around food.

Biscuit Barrel · Mar 14, 2018

All I can offer is my best wishes to you and your family. I have suffered with mental illness and the only advise I can give is stay positive and keep fighting every day. I was in a very dark place for a number of years and have made a near full recovery. Nothing last forever and I am sure your daughter will come through this eventually. Good luck.

Eric Youngs Contact Lense · Mar 14, 2018

I think its brilliant that you've reached out for help in this way. I don't have experience to draw on, but I have worked with patient groups on other illnesses and this is exactly the sort of help that they can offer. I am sure there will be relevant groups that you can contact (and assume/hope that you probably have been given some details through the medical staff looking after your daughter). The well-being of parents and carers in these situations is so important so getting support for yourselves sounds like a really important and positive thing to do. Heart felt strength and best wishes to you all..

Gilliver's Travels · Mar 14, 2018

A few years back, a niece of mine was diagnosed with anorexia, to the point of being hospitalised on occasions. Happily, she did eventually recover, went back to work and has since had two healthy children.

Looking back, one thing is absolutely crystal clear: the key to her recovery was the unlimited love and support of her family, particularly her husband. Reading through your post, it is evident that your daughter will be lacking nothing whatsoever in that respect. Very best of luck, to all of you.

OzMike · Mar 14, 2018

I really hope she turns it around.
It is really hard dealing with a situation which, to all intents and purposes, looks like it will end badly and is out of your control.
As a parent that feeling of helplessness is dire, after all we are there for their protection.
We experienced a dilemma with our eldest daughter and just when we had almost resigned ourselves to the inevitable, she realised where she would end up if things didn't change.
That was 2 years ago now and she is doing great and just to see her smile everyday is immense.
It would seem that in some cases there has to be a limit, however extreme it may be, when realisation may kick in.
I hope she experiences this soon for all your sakes.

Napier's Knee · Mar 14, 2018

One thing I do know is that you are going to have to look after yourself and your wife too, so lean on us here in NSC, and if you just need to unload stuff or talk confidentially to someone you don't know but who is a member of the albion Family, PM me, right? Your daughter needs you so you need to take care of yourself. I've suffered badly from depression over the years and my own daughter does not find aspects of modern life easy, so as a fellow dad I empathise.

Lush · Mar 14, 2018

That feeling of helplessness is horrible. Don't be afraid to seek counselling yourselves. You need a confidential place to unload and support from professionals too.

Sirnormangall · Mar 14, 2018

Sorry to hear that. I’ve had a very similar experience - happy to engage with you 1-1

Paul Reids Sock · Mar 14, 2018

Best of luck to you and all the family.

The good thing is that is is captured now. My wife had bulimia at a similar age and never got help for it and her family ‘didn’t realise’ she did ok but it was never dealt with. I didn’t know until I noticed some signs and google searches for dealing with it when she was around mid twenties. Luckily she got some support and a few years later is fighting fit, healthy and a superb mother to our two young boys.

It’s is horrible but the support from you will be key. People will say it’s attention seeking or just teenage girls but try and block that out, don’t rise to it and ensure that you divert that into caring for your daughter (which you obviously are) I would just make sure you try not to go over the top with praise for eating or dismay at not and you will all get through it together. Good luck and hopefully she will be on the road to recovery soon

Westdene Seagull · Mar 14, 2018

I'm anything but an expert but my cousin developed anorexia in her mid 20s. Her collegues and superiours at work put a lot of pressure on her to be seen as thin - despite her being a very healthy weight. I won't mention who she worked for as it will derail the thread but it came as a shock to her family. So much so they persuaded her to resign and move back home with them. As farmers they had a healthy relationship with food and over time, and with the help of the NHS, they got her eating again. She's had wobbles since but thankfully her support network has prevented her going back.

All I can say is support your daughter - she needs it. Good luck and my best wishes to you, your family and most of all your daughter. You can all beat it together.

Triggaaar · Mar 14, 2018

8049 said:
I think she is getting all the treatment and support that is available

Have you looked into what help there is available for families (as opposed to just the child)?

spence · Mar 14, 2018

Good luck mate.

maffew · Mar 14, 2018

There are 2 fellowships called ABA (Anorexia/Bolemia Anonymous) and EDA (Eating Disorders Anonymous) which follow the 12 step program developed by AA and adapted to the addiction/disorder GA/NA/CA/OA (Alcohol, Narctotics, Gamblers, Cocaine and Overeaters).

http://aba12steps.org

There arent too many in England, London would be your nearest

http://aba12steps.org/aba-meetings/meetings/united-kingdom/london
http://www.eatingdisordersanonymous.org/meetings.html

There is contact details and the meetings are listed as open which mean you dont need to suffer from anorexia to attend, so you could go in with daughter to support her or indeed attend without her) as opposed to a closed meeting where it is private to the substance user or disorder sufferer
The success of the programs (well the ones I know people I have attended are pretty decent though I don't have any stats)
https://www.amazon.com/Anorexics-Bulimics-Fellowship-Recovery-Anorexia/dp/0973137215

There should be a load more stuff you can watch on You Tube

I have no experience with ABA or EDA but the contact details on there will be able to help more and support you too/offer experience. If you attend yourself you will get a better understanding and they will likely have some literature you can purchase

Best of luck to you x

Greg Bobkin · Mar 14, 2018

I'm afraid I can't offer any help or advice, but just wanted to praise NSC for being so much more than just a football forum. A poster reaches out for help about such a sensitive subject and gets offers of help and positive responses from strangers :lowdown:

Good luck to you and your daughter, [MENTION=30839]8049[/MENTION] – I hope she gets the help she needs and is back on track sooner rather than later.

sirtonybloomthankyou · Mar 14, 2018

Mate, Im dealing with this right now, my daughter same age has just gone in to hospital, shes been fighting this for one year now, shes lost nearly six stone........you in my opinion need to attend some parent only group sessions, where you meet people that are going through the same (I would have been the first to rubbish the idea, but they are free and really worth it) it will help both yourself and your wife understand whats going on.

Im free to talk if you wish, certainly after Sunday this week, there are so many people that are going through this right now, your not alone, nor unfortunately are our daughters,sometimes its best talking to a stranger.

I wish you all the luck in the world

Chicken Run · Mar 15, 2018

I have know comprehension of what you must be going through, I have a 14 yo daughter too so can only imagine the pain your family are suffering! The word family is the key and together you are all stronger. My thoughts are with you.

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[Help] Dealing with Anorexia

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