Bell Cheeses at work

portlock seagull said:

It's extraordinary isn't it?! Many years ago we had a work shy office girl who ate nothing but pop, crisps and chocolate in industrial quantities and then was always off sick with a 'poor tummy', which undoubtedly was the case sometimes but it's taking the piss when you're doing it to yourself so blatantly. But she was utterly useless when in and moreover too stupid to not be seen on her sick days around town. One day we called her dentist with an 'urgent message' when she said she was there all afternoon. Guess what, no appointment that day and...YOU'RE FIRED happened next day. It was good tele as they say! Stupid cow. Anyway, don't know why I'm laughing, she's probably got 17 children living in a mock Tudor paid for by our tax these days. She was of 'that type'
let's say!

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lawros left foot said:

I worked in the kitchen of an Insurance company based in Worthing, the head chef was a complete and utter knob, not only hated by all the staff, but he also had a personal hygiene problem of epic proportions.

He also had a second job, as chef in a Arundel pub in the evenings and some weekends,and told myself and another chef that that, in the following week the day chef at the said pub was on holiday, and they had asked him to fill in for the week.He, of course had told them that he couldn't as his first loyalty was to the Insurance company job.
Come the Minday morning, low and behold he phoned in sick, with flu that would probably take about a week to recover from.When talking to the restaurant manager, I just happened to mention that it was unfortunate for the pub, thattheir main chef was on holiday, and that their evening chef now had a bout of flu, and that they must really be struggling for staff.
The manager decided that he fancied lunch in a certain Arundel pub that day, with the assistant manager, as a witness, erm, I mean company.
The next day, the manager was advertising for a new head chef, as the last one had suddenly recovered from flu, and decided to work in an Arundel pub, instead of going into his main very well paid job.
Obviously, the staff were elated with this turn of events, and, ee now had a B.O. free staff room.

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hans kraay fan club said:

Very little to report here, today. CRISPS returned from lunch with a bag of maltesers. They're 'lighter' than normal chocolates aren't they, according to the advertising that they aim squarely at fat office women? Obviously a £1.50 bag like they sell (to SHARE) at the cinema, rather than the £80p bag normal people might buy in the Co-op.

Anyway, being that she's is so USELESS she managed to f_ck up opening the bag, so about 20 little (lighter) malty chocolate balls sprayed all over her desk. She panicked and flailed about trying to save them and proceeded to knock a mug of pens flying, whilst half a dozen of her precious treats rolled off the desk and on to the floor.

I was the only other one here at the time, and she can't see me from where she sits.

She reached down from her chair, and picked them all up one by one, rolled her chair forward towards her bin. Held her hand over it for a second, then reconsidered and dropped them all back into the Malteser stash on her desk, before proceeding to dive in.

The shameless fat cow.

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bhanutz said:

No one likes a snitch!

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hans kraay fan club said:

Very little to report here, today. CRISPS returned from lunch with a bag of maltesers. They're 'lighter' than normal chocolates aren't they, according to the advertising that they aim squarely at fat office women? Obviously a £1.50 bag like they sell (to SHARE) at the cinema, rather than the £80p bag normal people might buy in the Co-op.

Anyway, being that she's is so USELESS she managed to f_ck up opening the bag, so about 20 little (lighter) malty chocolate balls sprayed all over her desk. She panicked and flailed about trying to save them and proceeded to knock a mug of pens flying, whilst half a dozen of her precious treats rolled off the desk and on to the floor.

I was the only other one here at the time, and she can't see me from where she sits.

She reached down from her chair, and picked them all up one by one, rolled her chair forward towards her bin. Held her hand over it for a second, then reconsidered and dropped them all back into the Malteser stash on her desk, before proceeding to dive in.

The shameless fat cow.

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lawros left foot said:

I worked in the kitchen of an Insurance company based in Worthing, the head chef was a complete and utter knob, not only hated by all the staff, but he also had a personal hygiene problem of epic proportions.

He also had a second job, as chef in a Arundel pub in the evenings and some weekends,and told myself and another chef that that, in the following week the day chef at the said pub was on holiday, and they had asked him to fill in for the week.He, of course had told them that he couldn't as his first loyalty was to the Insurance company job.
Come the Minday morning, low and behold he phoned in sick, with flu that would probably take about a week to recover from.When talking to the restaurant manager, I just happened to mention that it was unfortunate for the pub, thattheir main chef was on holiday, and that their evening chef now had a bout of flu, and that they must really be struggling for staff.
The manager decided that he fancied lunch in a certain Arundel pub that day, with the assistant manager, as a witness, erm, I mean company.
The next day, the manager was advertising for a new head chef, as the last one had suddenly recovered from flu, and decided to work in an Arundel pub, instead of going into his main very well paid job.
Obviously, the staff were elated with this turn of events, and, ee now had a B.O. free staff room.

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Bodian said:

Looking forward to our annual staff conference tomorrow. I seem to have avoided the worst of the corporate bolox 'sessions', namely:

Mini Olympics of Transformation
As we continue our journey to become transformational, this workshop will explore through the use of interactive and engaging activities the key themes of transformation including leadership, communication and the avoidance of silo working. This consists of about 6 events, all with a transformation theme.

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hans kraay fan club said:

She reached down from her chair, and picked them all up one by one, rolled her chair forward towards her bin. Held her hand over it for a second, then reconsidered and dropped them all back into the Malteser stash on her desk, before proceeding to dive in.

The shameless fat cow.

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Bodian said:

Looking forward to our annual staff conference tomorrow. I seem to have avoided the worst of the corporate bolox 'sessions', namely:

Mini Olympics of Transformation
As we continue our journey to become transformational, this workshop will explore through the use of interactive and engaging activities the key themes of transformation including leadership, communication and the avoidance of silo working. This consists of about 6 events, all with a transformation theme.

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studio150 said:

Not as silly as a girl who took a sickie after being told she couldn't take holiday only to be seen at ladies day at the races dressed up in her best outfit downing champagne and nibbles in the best of health.

It took sometime but was eventually dismissed.

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Bodian said:

Looking forward to our annual staff conference tomorrow. I seem to have avoided the worst of the corporate bolox 'sessions', namely:

Mini Olympics of Transformation
As we continue our journey to become transformational, this workshop will explore through the use of interactive and engaging activities the key themes of transformation including leadership, communication and the avoidance of silo working. This consists of about 6 events, all with a transformation theme.

Click to expand...

Easy 10 said:

What an almighty great hefty 24 carat slab of meaningless corporate OMNIBOLLOCKS.

Just the words "workshop", "interactive" and "engaging" has me breaking out in pus-filled BOILS of pure unaldulterated ANGST. I would literally rather hack my own bellend off with a rusty teaspoon than attend so much as 45 minutes of this cataclysmic clusterfvck of abject corporate dullard brainwashing.

I mean what, in the name of holy FRIG, is "silo working" anyway ? If you actually know - don't tell me. I don't give a shit, and you will be dead to me.

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Easy 10 said:

What an almighty great hefty 24 carat slab of meaningless corporate OMNIBOLLOCKS.

Just the words "workshop", "interactive" and "engaging" has me breaking out in pus-filled BOILS of pure unaldulterated ANGST. I would literally rather hack my own bellend off with a rusty teaspoon than attend so much as 45 minutes of this cataclysmic clusterfvck of abject corporate dullard brainwashing.

I mean what, in the name of holy FRIG, is "silo working" anyway ? If you actually know - don't tell me. I don't give a shit, and you will be dead to me.

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Lower West Stander said:

A slightly different angle last night.

I was on my way home on the train and my eyes were drawn to the work the guy sitting next to me was doing.

He was classic Laptop Train Man. His laptop was the size of a mini PC and he was hammering away at the keys doing a PowerPoint slide.

He was doing the same slide for an hour and it was awful. I won't mention the company but the main point of the slide was "to increase market penetration from 30 to 32%"

There followed a list of bullet points Steve Austin would not have been able to read with a bionic eye.

I left him to it. Poor sods at that presentation will have rough time.


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