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[Albion] Help the club by suggesting more palatable ways they can screw every last penny out of us.



The Antikythera Mechanism

The oldest known computer
NSC Patreon
Aug 7, 2003
7,759
How about a state of the art ground with roomy comfortable seats, a great community scheme that really helps the less fortunate and training facilities for all ages producing some great players for the future. Get a good manager and squad and maybe, just maybe get us into the top half of the Premier league in our second season .........oh!
 






Grassman

Well-known member
Jun 12, 2008
2,551
Tun Wells
A swear box on the back of the seat in front, front row potty mouths get a let off, or for an annual fee of £30, get to turn the air blue as much as you like.

Oh f*ck that you c*nt. It would f*cking cost me a c*nting fortune!!

*Oh just noticed the £30 a season charge. That's a great idea!
 


Change at Barnham

Well-known member
Aug 6, 2011
4,874
Bognor Regis
Hand car washes in the Bridge car park whilst at the game.
Priority exiting of the Bridge car park, if everyone buys one just think of the extra revenue.
Drive-in movies at the Bridge car park whilst waiting to get out.
Popcorn sales at the above event.
 








Icy Gull

Back on the rollercoaster
Jul 5, 2003
72,015
Half time smoking areas fenced around each stand at £10 per person, including vaping.
 






Knocky's Nose

Mon nez est en Valenciennes..
May 7, 2017
4,133
Eastbourne
I think they should have a one single row of "Ultra VIP" match day seating, just behind the advertising hoardings next to the pitch.

Here's the best bit.

There are literally hundreds of seats running all around the pitch with a view of all sides and ends, but..... you only have 100 tickets at say £500 each. Purchasers are allowed to move freely at any time and can run down the touchlines, behind the goals and so on for a super-premium view of the match at all times.

Plus... Beers and Pies served to them by the Substitutes are part of their half-time duties, and a private consultation after the game with CH about the teams performance for an extra £150.

Oh, and programmes printed on "Conqueror" paper with hand written annotations by the players and staff mentioned in the articles. £75.

Finally (for all those who lives in Lewes or Eastbourne and drive home from The Bridge Car Park) a VIP Service where your car is parked and waiting for you on the covered underpass on the right, just after you've done a right at the traffic lights (which always feels like an illegal turn, no matter how many times you do it..) ???
 


essbee1

Well-known member
Jun 25, 2014
4,079
How about barn owls in the North Stand? They wouldn't be disturbed there, it's so bleeding quiet :)

signed
WSU
 




Weststander

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Aug 25, 2011
63,411
Withdean area
Installation of a zip wire from WSU front row to ESL front row, for pre match entertainment. Marketed as Seagulls Launch Experience, with optional Launch photos available. Pricing based on the category of match. Comes with a classy polyester ‘I flew with the Seagulls’ t-shirt.
 


Knocky's Nose

Mon nez est en Valenciennes..
May 7, 2017
4,133
Eastbourne
Installation of a zip wire from WSU front row to ESL front row.... Comes with a classy polyester ‘I flew with the Seagulls’ t-shirt.

For an extra £250 you can take the "VIP Zip Wire" over the away end (for the hard-core fan) you go could aim for the 'I shit with the Seagulls' classy polyester t-shirt.

The budget version is hanging upside down on said zip wire and snatching food from people, going for the... etc etc
 


sydney

tinky ****in winky
Jul 11, 2003
17,737
town full of eejits
I think they should have a one single row of "Ultra VIP" match day seating, just behind the advertising hoardings next to the pitch.

Here's the best bit.

There are literally hundreds of seats running all around the pitch with a view of all sides and ends, but..... you only have 100 tickets at say £500 each. Purchasers are allowed to move freely at any time and can run down the touchlines, behind the goals and so on for a super-premium view of the match at all times.

Plus... Beers and Pies served to them by the Substitutes are part of their half-time duties, and a private consultation after the game with CH about the teams performance for an extra £150.

Oh, and programmes printed on "Conqueror" paper with hand written annotations by the players and staff mentioned in the articles. £75.

Finally (for all those who lives in Lewes or Eastbourne and drive home from The Bridge Car Park) a VIP Service where your car is parked and waiting for you on the covered underpass on the right, just after you've done a right at the traffic lights (which always feels like an illegal turn, no matter how many times you do it..) ???

valet parking @ 10 quid for the posh twatts is not a bad shout .
 






Knocky's Nose

Mon nez est en Valenciennes..
May 7, 2017
4,133
Eastbourne
The Seagulls Liver Awards. Prizes for the first 10 fans to 1,000 pints to a season, include complimentary MOT’s at the BUPA medical centre.

.... which you'd probably fail if you drank 1,000 pints a season at the Amex. That'd be 52.63 pints per game, though - which would bring in almost £240 a game (£4,500 a year) for the club. Not as if you'd remember much of it... :mad:
 


Publius Ovidius

Well-known member
Jul 5, 2003
45,919
at home
Loyal fans levy.

If you have been an albion fan from10 years or over, you are charged on a raising scale for loyalty:

10 years. You pay. One hundred pounds pa
It rises per five years by two hundred pounds every five years.

We are all mugs for being STH seemly so we will roll over and pay any old crap they ask us.
 











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