Got something to say or just want fewer pesky ads? Join us... 😊

Register Log in

[Help] OT neighbour advice



L

LockStock

Active member
Jan 29, 2008
139
Sussex
Hoping for some useful advise on dealing with my next door neighbour.
He has recently retired and has lots of time on his hands, he seems to use most of that giving me a hard time. On occasions I have some waste from work collected from the shared drive and he hates that but it’s kind of unavoidable for me running a small business and I always have it collected within a day of putting it there.

More recently he has started to become angry bordering aggressive, telling me how and where I can park, how I should or shouldn’t maintain my garden and whilst I was on holiday last week he decided to take the waste I’d left out and arranged to be collected back in my garden. (Trespassing as the gate was locked). He has also sent me a few angry emails with pictures he has taken of my garden over the wall and from his bedroom windows.

We used to get on well but after him shouting at me about my van being parked outside his house I told him to piss off, i know that hasn’t helped but I’d had a long day and it’s onstreet parking.

He has now sent me a text demanding a meeting at a neutral location that is 4 miles away from where we live. He is making me out to be some kind of neighbour from well when in actual fact I’ve done nothing but improve my house since we brought it 8 years ago!

He used to seem a nice guy and I’ve even done a fair bit of work for him in the past but I feel I need to put a stop to this despite him thinking I’m in the wrong.
 




Albion my Albion

Albion my Albion

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Feb 6, 2016
17,834
Indiana, USA
LockStock said:
Hoping for some useful advise on dealing with my next door neighbour.
He has recently retired and has lots of time on his hands, he seems to use most of that giving me a hard time. On occasions I have some waste from work collected from the shared drive and he hates that but it’s kind of unavoidable for me running a small business and I always have it collected within a day of putting it there.

More recently he has started to become angry bordering aggressive, telling me how and where I can park, how I should or shouldn’t maintain my garden and whilst I was on holiday last week he decided to take the waste I’d left out and arranged to be collected back in my garden. (Trespassing as the gate was locked). He has also sent me a few angry emails with pictures he has taken of my garden over the wall and from his bedroom windows.

We used to get on well but after him shouting at me about my van being parked outside his house I told him to piss off, i know that hasn’t helped but I’d had a long day and it’s onstreet parking.

He has now sent me a text demanding a meeting at a neutral location that is 4 miles away from where we live. He is making me out to be some kind of neighbour from well when in actual fact I’ve done nothing but improve my house since we brought it 8 years ago!

He used to seem a nice guy and I’ve even done a fair bit of work for him in the past but I feel I need to put a stop to this despite him thinking I’m in the wrong.
Click to expand...

Are you not by Village law officially in the wrong? I think you have to stop trying to talk yourself into the fact that you aren't in the wrong and breaking the law and face the fact that your neighbour could get the authorities involved and you could even receive a citation.
 


L

LockStock

Active member
Jan 29, 2008
139
Sussex
Albion my Albion said:
Are you not by Village law officially in the wrong? I think you have to stop trying to talk yourself into the fact that you aren't in the wrong and breaking the law and face the fact that your neighbour could get the authorities involved and you could even receive a citation.
Click to expand...

What am I doing that breaks the law or puts me in the wrong- surely as it’s my own property I’m entitled to store anything I want within reason obviously. Not picking an argument just curious.
 


Invicta

Invicta

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Nov 1, 2013
3,214
Kent
Set up a video camera filming the drive area, something like Hive or Nest. Takes away the his word vs your word.
 






Pavilionaire

Pavilionaire

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2003
30,569
Deck the c*nt.
 


A

astralavi

Active member
Apr 6, 2017
453
If it's a shared drive you may need to talk it through properly.
P.s I had a neighbourly dispute and found/read ( on mums.dot.net, my neighbour discussing our situation, it was not to her advantage to have the details of her pov on the web
 








beorhthelm

beorhthelm

A. Virgo, Football Genius
Jul 21, 2003
35,302
i reckon you should stop leaving waste on the drive, thats probably major source of contention.
 


clippedgull

clippedgull

Hotdogs, extra onions
Aug 11, 2003
20,789
Near Ducks, Geese, and Seagulls
It may be a good idea to have the proposed meeting and try and find some middle ground where you can discuss each others grievances.

Maybe start the meeting by apologising for telling him to p off, explaining that you were not feeling too good on that day. Small gesture but hopefully will break the ice.

Explain the waste situation and if it's unavoidable tell him so, if you can store it somewhere else for pickup then do that.

Just don't take an aggressive stance and hopefully you will both leave the meeting with a smile on your faces.
 




Daddies_Sauce

Daddies_Sauce

Falmer WSL, not a JCL
Jun 27, 2008
852
Using a domestic shared driveway for the temporary storage of commercial waste, can understand why he might be a bit miffed.
 


Wrong-Direction

Wrong-Direction

Well-known member
Mar 10, 2013
13,416
I used to live next door to a miserable old couple, you'll never change them so good luck

Sent from my SM-A310F using Tapatalk
 


Nitram

Nitram

Well-known member
Jul 16, 2013
2,178
clippedgull said:
It may be a good idea to have the proposed meeting and try and find some middle ground where you can discuss each others grievances.

Maybe start the meeting by apologising for telling him to p off, explaining that you were not feeling too good on that day. Small gesture but hopefully will break the ice.

Explain the waste situation and if it's unavoidable tell him so, if you can store it somewhere else for pickup then do that.

Just don't take an aggressive stance and hopefully you will both leave the meeting with a smile on your faces.
Click to expand...
This is very good advice the situation needs to be de-escalated, otherwise the stress is going to get to you both, never mind the impact it's having on both families. Try to start a clean sheet and not getting into name blaming and take the high road by biting your lip.
I had a similar situation with a neighbour but no matter how right you feel, you still need to live with them and at the end of the day tension and stress is not worth the hassle.
He obviously thinks it needs sorting as he has proposed a meeting. Good luck with a difficult situation.
 




Mackenzie

Mackenzie

Old Brightonian
Nov 7, 2003
33,536
East Wales
Talk it through, life’s too short to be worrying about this sort of crap especially as you’ve got to live next to the old prick.
 


Bold Seagull

Bold Seagull

strong and stable with me, or...
Mar 18, 2010
29,789
Hove
LockStock said:
Hoping for some useful advise on dealing with my next door neighbour.
He has recently retired and has lots of time on his hands, he seems to use most of that giving me a hard time. On occasions I have some waste from work collected from the shared drive and he hates that but it’s kind of unavoidable for me running a small business and I always have it collected within a day of putting it there.

More recently he has started to become angry bordering aggressive, telling me how and where I can park, how I should or shouldn’t maintain my garden and whilst I was on holiday last week he decided to take the waste I’d left out and arranged to be collected back in my garden. (Trespassing as the gate was locked). He has also sent me a few angry emails with pictures he has taken of my garden over the wall and from his bedroom windows.

We used to get on well but after him shouting at me about my van being parked outside his house I told him to piss off, i know that hasn’t helped but I’d had a long day and it’s onstreet parking.

He has now sent me a text demanding a meeting at a neutral location that is 4 miles away from where we live. He is making me out to be some kind of neighbour from well when in actual fact I’ve done nothing but improve my house since we brought it 8 years ago!

He used to seem a nice guy and I’ve even done a fair bit of work for him in the past but I feel I need to put a stop to this despite him thinking I’m in the wrong.
Click to expand...

I think in the first instance that while using the shared drive and dealing with the waste promptly seemed reasonable and unavoidable to you, consultation with the neighbour first should have happened - I would say this is perhaps where you are in the wrong. As a shared facility it shouldn't be assumed this necessity to you is acceptable to your neighbour. You could have presented this to your neighbour as a choice for them to agree, that you would remove it same day etc. and that you really needed to do it for your business, then you put it on him to be reasonable or unreasonable in agreeing with it. As it is, he has had to accept this happening and it's clearly made him increasingly frustrated and hostile.

To de-escalate, rather than an attitude 'putting a stop to this' I would suggest you need to start with an apology for not having asked him first about the shared drive and that you are sorry for any inconvenience and anxiety that has caused. I'm not saying apologise for any of your actions, just that you didn't speak to him first (assuming you didn't of course).

That should hopefully set a tone for the meeting that you are conciliatory and that from that point you can discuss the main reasons he is so annoyed without confrontation.

As unreasonable as you feel he is being, you are the one that needs use of the shared drive, so in a way it is incumbent on you to show willing to compromise in order for acceptance of that use. Perhaps agreeing not to park a van outside his house, that you'll keep the garden tidy - I would say they are small concessions to make in order to improve the relationship and enable to continue to use the drive.

If he's steadfast refusing to accept that usage, then it does become more difficult, and I guess you have to take a view whether you can avoid using it altogether, and present the alternatives to him like you'll get a license for a skip on the road once a week, or you'll pile it on your front garden and there would be nothing he could do about it and it would be a lot worse than the olive branch you're offering him.

Good luck!

(as [MENTION=785]clippedgull[/MENTION] said!)
 


W

Wardy's twin

Well-known member
Oct 21, 2014
8,434
I'm with those who say meet with him and find out what his objections are. You only need to drive around to see some people use their garden as permanent dumps. He might be worried about that and its impact on house value. That would be a bigger issue on a shared drive. Try to understand what his issues are and then go from there. Alternatively he might just have reached the Victor Meldrew phase in his life ...
 


A

Arthritic Toe

Well-known member
Nov 25, 2005
2,392
Swindon
LockStock said:
On occasions I have some waste from work collected from the shared drive and he hates that but it’s kind of unavoidable for me running a small business and I always have it collected within a day of putting it there.
Click to expand...

So you think this is perfectly fine? - and can't understand why he might be a bit miffed? I admire your total confidence that he is the problem.
 




Frankie

Frankie

Put him in the curry
May 23, 2016
4,139
Mid west Wales
What kind of waste ? if you work at Dungeness power station i could see why he maybe a bit upset .
 


B

Brovion

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 6, 2003
19,363
LockStock said:
Hoping for some useful advise on dealing with my next door neighbour.
He has recently retired and has lots of time on his hands, he seems to use most of that giving me a hard time. On occasions I have some waste from work collected from the shared drive and he hates that but it’s kind of unavoidable for me running a small business and I always have it collected within a day of putting it there.

More recently he has started to become angry bordering aggressive, telling me how and where I can park, how I should or shouldn’t maintain my garden and whilst I was on holiday last week he decided to take the waste I’d left out and arranged to be collected back in my garden. (Trespassing as the gate was locked). He has also sent me a few angry emails with pictures he has taken of my garden over the wall and from his bedroom windows.

We used to get on well but after him shouting at me about my van being parked outside his house I told him to piss off, i know that hasn’t helped but I’d had a long day and it’s onstreet parking.

He has now sent me a text demanding a meeting at a neutral location that is 4 miles away from where we live. He is making me out to be some kind of neighbour from well when in actual fact I’ve done nothing but improve my house since we brought it 8 years ago!

He used to seem a nice guy and I’ve even done a fair bit of work for him in the past but I feel I need to put a stop to this despite him thinking I’m in the wrong.
Click to expand...

Obviously I don't know all the details, (such as the exact nature of the waste or the shared driveway), but as others have said if you were my neighbour and you stored your trade waste on our shared driveway I would be seriously pissed off. You say it's 'unavoidable', ok, but then it's 'unavoidable' that your neighbour is going to give you grief over it. As you say the fact he's recently retired may have something to do with it - he has to sit and look at it all day now!

Have you offered to pay him compensation for the inconvenience?


EDIT: I think Bold Seagull has put it better than me.
 


You must log in or register to reply here.

Share this page

Albion and Premier League latest from Sky Sports


Top
Link Here