[Misc] DadsNet: helping your kids deal with little shits

Bozza said:

My 8-y-o son is, as kids go, pretty decent I think.

He's no angel, certainly, but he's kind-hearted and polite. He's also not "one of the lads" - he's not really into football (and it's not something I'm going to force) and whereas it seems there is a struggle to get kids to read anything at all, he's a voracious reader and consumes books at an incredible rate.

I'm concerned he's getting picked on a bit at school, primarily because he's eager to try and belong, and some of the sharper kids see him as an easy target.

Watching him playing Minecraft online this morning, he was in a world with two other kids from his school. One lives a couple of doors along and, when they're playing together, they seem to largely get on. There is another kid who does seem to be a little shit however, and he was also present. As he's not "Minecraft friends" (or whatever the term is) with my son, we couldn't hear him over the game chat thing, just the lad from up the road. However, both kids seemed to spend their whole time chasing my son and repeatedly killing him. To all intents and purposes it looked like (digital) bullying. In the end I persuaded him to turn the Xbox off and do something else.

School starts again tomorrow and I'm concerned that what I saw on screen is going to extend to the playground, if it wasn't happening already.

Does or has anyone else been through similar? How to you prep your kids to deal with the little shits they come across?

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Tom Hark said:

Jeez! Stop your 8 year old playing Minecraft online. Can it get any more simples? Or am I being whooshed in some subtle way?

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dadams2k11 said:

People may frown at this and think that it is wrong but I don't care.

My eldest son was being bullied by 3 older kids when he first went to secondary school so he came home really upset and didn't want to go back. He had told the teachers a few times with nothing happening to these 3 bullies.

I sat him down and told him to hit anyone that hits him and to hit the biggest one of the 3 if they hit him again and don't worry about what the teachers say, I will deal with them.. 3 days later they started on him again and he took my advise and hit the biggest one on the nose and made it bleed (well done son) and got took to the heads office with a call to his mum.

I was informed so called the school and told the head straight that he had reported these boys a few times with no action against them so I told him to hit them and anyone else that hits him which he thought was wrong and couldn't agree with but understood. He did get suspended for the rest of the week but he couldn't be seen with no action against him which was fair enough.

Needless to say he was not started on again by these boys, or anyone else and is friends with the one he hit.

In this day and age if you don't stand up to bullies, or anyone trying to take the piss, they will keep doing it.

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dadams2k11 said:

People may frown at this and think that it is wrong but I don't care.

My eldest son was being bullied by 3 older kids when he first went to secondary school so he came home really upset and didn't want to go back. He had told the teachers a few times with nothing happening to these 3 bullies.

I sat him down and told him to hit anyone that hits him and to hit the biggest one of the 3 if they hit him again and don't worry about what the teachers say, I will deal with them.. 3 days later they started on him again and he took my advise and hit the biggest one on the nose and made it bleed (well done son) and got took to the heads office with a call to his mum.

I was informed so called the school and told the head straight that he had reported these boys a few times with no action against them so I told him to hit them and anyone else that hits him which he thought was wrong and couldn't agree with but understood. He did get suspended for the rest of the week but he couldn't be seen with no action against him which was fair enough.

Needless to say he was not started on again by these boys, or anyone else and is friends with the one he hit.

In this day and age if you don't stand up to bullies, or anyone trying to take the piss, they will keep doing it.

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Harry Wilson's tackle said:

I am certainly not going to condemn that, even though it wouldn't have been my solution, since all people and circumstances are different. Nevertheless, as a matter of interst, how long ago was this and, if more than 5 years ago, would you go the same route today?

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dadams2k11 said:

This was 4 years ago and yes I am teaching my 6 year old that if someone at school hits him then to tell the teachers but out of school, if someone hits him then hit them back.

Tbf he is tall and stocky for his age and does boxing so I don't think he will be a target for bullies.

My Two daughters are taught the same, in school report it, out school hit them back.

If I ever found out that any of my kids were bulling anyone I would kick the shit out of them myself (jokes). They would be made to go around that persons house and apologize to the kid and the parents..

Like I say people may agree and people may disagree but in this world if you let bullies get away with it, they will keep doing it.

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sussex_guy2k2 said:

Excellent, a father that promotes violence...

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Let me tell you a little story. I'm an ex-teacher and I taught at a less than pleasant school for a few years. In my first year, it became clear that one pupil was bullying another when some less than savoury words were exchanged by one, much bigger, kid, to a smaller, geekier kid. I did something about it by reporting what I'd seen, as was my moral duty and statements etc were taken.

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Later that even was a parents' evening. The father of the bully came in and without provocation went up to the father of the child who was being bullied and punched him. He also grabbed the bullied kid and threatened him, telling him never to bully his kid again or he'd "kick the living sh*t out of you". People got involved, breaking it up. I was one of said people and I made it abundantly clear that actually his son was the bully and he had been going at this other kid for a number of weeks, with him finally crossing a line in front of a teacher earlier that same day.

The father stormed out, with his kid following with his tail between his legs. His son turned up to school the next day with some less than pleasant bruises and cuts, with the result being that social services were called in.

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Now I'm not suggesting you would beat your own child up (although you have stated you would do in the above post, and no, it isn't funny to joke about being kids up), but violence breeds violence and you teaching your kids that it's okay to beat other kids up just isn't okay because it has so many knock-on effects.

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There are ultimately ways to stand up to bullies without becoming a bully yourself.

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Bozza said:

My 8-y-o son is, as kids go, pretty decent I think.

He's no angel, certainly, but he's kind-hearted and polite. He's also not "one of the lads" - he's not really into football (and it's not something I'm going to force) and whereas it seems there is a struggle to get kids to read anything at all, he's a voracious reader and consumes books at an incredible rate.

I'm concerned he's getting picked on a bit at school, primarily because he's eager to try and belong, and some of the sharper kids see him as an easy target.

Watching him playing Minecraft online this morning, he was in a world with two other kids from his school. One lives a couple of doors along and, when they're playing together, they seem to largely get on. There is another kid who does seem to be a little shit, however, and he was also present. As he's not "Minecraft friends" (or whatever the term is) with my son, we couldn't hear him over the game chat thing, just the lad from up the road. However, both kids seemed to spend their whole time chasing my son and repeatedly killing him. To all intents and purposes it looked like (digital) bullying. In the end I persuaded him to turn the Xbox off and do something else.

School starts again tomorrow and I'm concerned that what I saw on screen is going to extend to the playground, if it wasn't happening already.

Does or has anyone else been through similar? How to you prep your kids to deal with the little shits they come across?

Click to expand...

sussex_guy2k2 said:

Excellent, a father that promotes violence...

Let me tell you a little story. I'm an ex-teacher and I taught at a less than pleasant school for a few years. In my first year, it became clear that one pupil was bullying another when some less than savoury words were exchanged by one, much bigger, kid, to a smaller, geekier kid. I did something about it by reporting what I'd seen, as was my moral duty and statements etc were taken.

Later that even was a parents' evening. The father of the bully came in and without provocation went up to the father of the child who was being bullied and punched him. He also grabbed the bullied kid and threatened him, telling him never to bully his kid again or he'd "kick the living sh*t out of you". People got involved, breaking it up. I was one of said people and I made it abundantly clear that actually his son was the bully and he had been going at this other kid for a number of weeks, with him finally crossing a line in front of a teacher earlier that same day.

The father stormed out, with his kid following with his tail between his legs. His son turned up to school the next day with some less than pleasant bruises and cuts, with the result being that social services were called in.

Now I'm not suggesting you would beat your own child up (although you have stated you would do in the above post, and no, it isn't funny to joke about being kids up), but violence breeds violence and you teaching your kids that it's okay to beat other kids up just isn't okay because it has so many knock-on effects.

There are ultimately ways to stand up to bullies without becoming a bully yourself.

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sussex_guy2k2 said:

Excellent, a father that promotes violence...

Let me tell you a little story. I'm an ex-teacher and I taught at a less than pleasant school for a few years. In my first year, it became clear that one pupil was bullying another when some less than savoury words were exchanged by one, much bigger, kid, to a smaller, geekier kid. I did something about it by reporting what I'd seen, as was my moral duty and statements etc were taken.

Later that even was a parents' evening. The father of the bully came in and without provocation went up to the father of the child who was being bullied and punched him. He also grabbed the bullied kid and threatened him, telling him never to bully his kid again or he'd "kick the living sh*t out of you". People got involved, breaking it up. I was one of said people and I made it abundantly clear that actually his son was the bully and he had been going at this other kid for a number of weeks, with him finally crossing a line in front of a teacher earlier that same day.

The father stormed out, with his kid following with his tail between his legs. His son turned up to school the next day with some less than pleasant bruises and cuts, with the result being that social services were called in.

Now I'm not suggesting you would beat your own child up (although you have stated you would do in the above post, and no, it isn't funny to joke about being kids up), but violence breeds violence and you teaching your kids that it's okay to beat other kids up just isn't okay because it has so many knock-on effects.

There are ultimately ways to stand up to bullies without becoming a bully yourself.

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Psychobilly freakout said:

Excellent a poorly written condescending post, that could only be posted by a sanctimonious teacher.

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BigGully said:

I am struggling to see what your point is in terms of dadams2k11 story, surely for it to be more relevant the subsequent aggression by the parent should have been triggered by the 'geeky' kid turning on the bully and hitting him, but he didn't, everyone went through your prescribed normal non retaliation reaction, with school and teacher going through their preferred policy and yet it still ended up in aggressive chaos against the bullied child.

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dadams2k11 said:

OK where shall i start!!!!



No!! You're completely wrong. I'm not promoting violence, I'm promoting sticking up for themselves.



Well done you. Wish you were the teacher dealing with the case when my eldest was being bullied by 3 older kids. It wasn't dealt with even tho it was reported on numerous occasions, hence taking the matter into my own hands to protect my son. If that makes me a bad father then i can live with that.



Again, well done you. Don't know what this has to do with my situation as i never went into the school and punch his father and never threatened his son. The father in your experience sounds like a complete thug and with no morals and no regard for anyone.



It was clearly a joke as i did put (jokes) next to it and yes i can joke about what i want. So far, only you have brought this to light. I know a lot of people that say i want to kill my kids, does that mean that they would? Its all about interpretation i suppose.

Can you show me where i am teaching my kids that it is OK to beat other kids up? Re read what i wrote. my quote was:

"If I ever found out that any of my kids were bulling anyone I would kick the shit out of them myself (jokes). They would be made to go around that persons house and apologise to the kid and the parents.."

You flame me for joking about kicking the shit out of my kids, but then fail to realise that i joked i would do it if they were bullies, which, you say, i'm teaching them is OK?

Am i missing something there?



So can you tell me, if someone hits you, what would your response be?

Mine would be to hit them back because i was raised that if someone hits me, i hit them and not to be scared of anyone. (My mums advise, never had a dad).

These bullies that go around hitting people do it because they know they wont get hit back. Once they get hit back it makes them stop and think and maybe see the error of there ways like in my situation. My son is now friends with one of the 3 kids that were bulling him and they play football for the same team. I did ask the kid a few years later why he targeted my son and he was open, honest and man enough to say because he could get away with it with my son until he hit him back and it made he realise that what he was doing was wrong. The kid is a lovely kids now and you would never think that he was a bully when he was younger, he as a bright future ahead now and setting himself up nicely for later life.

Now, i know you wont agree with this, like i don't agree with your post, but this is the way i will raise my kids so they will be able to protect themselves. I would love to live in a world where if you report something then action is taken, but unfortunately, we don't, so i will continue to parent how i see fit and those that want to judge me, well, two fingers to you!!

I was going to comment on the spelling mistakes in bold, considering you were a teacher, but i think i will leave it.

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sussex_guy2k2 said:

You should've seen the original post...

But I apologise for the poor state of the story. However, it's one of many examples I've seen as both a teacher and welfare officer at schools where children suffer because they take on learned behaviour from parents who believe that violence is the answer. When you've seen some of the things done to children and by children that I have, you would become ultra defensive when anyone insinuates that violence by children or towards children is the answer, let alone when the person insinuating as such is a parent.

If you consider that to be condescending or sanctimonious then so be it, but the safety of children was always the biggest priority in my job, and the post that I commented on was a BIG red flag. In simple terms, violence breeds violence, and the guy I was responding to was both promoting violence to his children and joking about hurting his children himself if they were bullies. From what I've seen in my career, that is absolutely never acceptable, it has many knock on effects that everyday people just don't see and it's behaviour.that needs to be pulled up.

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sussex_guy2k2 said:

Point 1) there's no difference between promoting violence and promoting sticking up for yourself. How do you kids know the difference? At what point do they stick up for themselves? After one comment, a week or comments, a push, a punch, months of abuse? Where is the breaking point that violence becomes okay?

Point 2) I wish I was too. No child should have to be bullied and I'm really sorry that it happened to your child.

Point 3) The example was a rushed one over lunch. As explained in other replies, violence breeds violence and as per point 1) kids often don't know when it becomes appropriate. But if you promote violence to your children and any situation, you run the very real risk that they will become violent themselves.

Point 4) Joking about abusing children is never funny. Ever. And I've seen far too many situations where children have been abused or have been violent as a result of their parents' advice to not pull someone up on that behaviour. If you think it's funny, then so be it, but I most certainly didn't and I imagine many people on here don't find joking about child abuse to be at all amusing.

Point 5) It's irrelevant whether it was your mum or dad promoting that behaviour - it's still poor behaviour. If someone hit me I'd call the police (or in the case of children at school, file a formal complaint and demand that the situation is dealt with, not letting it go until the school deal with it) - that's what they're there for. In very few situations do people get hit by people they don't know so there's almost always evidence. I appreciate taking the high road may seem weak to you, but demanding justice for a wrong isn't weakness, it's taking the high road and being the better person.

Point 6) I'm glad the bully has come out the other side as well. That's positive. But don't be confused, in most situations where bullying happens, a child hitting a bigger, bullying child doesn't result in them becoming best friends. It results in them having the sh*t kicked out of them and more emotional trauma. Your child is one of the lucky ones.

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sussex_guy2k2 said:

Point 1) there's no difference between promoting violence and promoting sticking up for yourself. How do you kids know the difference? At what point do they stick up for themselves? After one comment, a week or comments, a push, a punch, months of abuse? Where is the breaking point that violence becomes okay?

Point 2) I wish I was too. No child should have to be bullied and I'm really sorry that it happened to your child.

Point 3) The example was a rushed one over lunch. As explained in other replies, violence breeds violence and as per point 1) kids often don't know when it becomes appropriate. But if you promote violence to your children and any situation, you run the very real risk that they will become violent themselves.

Point 4) Joking about abusing children is never funny. Ever. And I've seen far too many situations where children have been abused or have been violent as a result of their parents' advice to not pull someone up on that behaviour. If you think it's funny, then so be it, but I most certainly didn't and I imagine many people on here don't find joking about child abuse to be at all amusing.

Point 5) It's irrelevant whether it was your mum or dad promoting that behaviour - it's still poor behaviour. If someone hit me I'd call the police (or in the case of children at school, file a formal complaint and demand that the situation is dealt with, not letting it go until the school deal with it) - that's what they're there for. In very few situations do people get hit by people they don't know so there's almost always evidence. I appreciate taking the high road may seem weak to you, but demanding justice for a wrong isn't weakness, it's taking the high road and being the better person.

Point 6) I'm glad the bully has come out the other side as well. That's positive. But don't be confused, in most situations where bullying happens, a child hitting a bigger, bullying child doesn't result in them becoming best friends. It results in them having the sh*t kicked out of them and more emotional trauma. Your child is one of the lucky ones.

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dadams2k11 said:

No i was not, go back a read the post. You have picked one bit of the story and jumped on it. i do not promote Violence, i promote Sticking up for themselves.

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