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[Football] So... surely it's high time to decide who is/was our slowest ever player...



Kosh

Kosh

'The' Yaztromo
Jul 14, 2003
5,217
Yaztromo's Tower; the borders of Darkwood Forest
For me... it has to be Richard 'running through treacle' Barker. I watched a breakaway featuring 'the bear' at Darlington back in the day, and everything went in super slow mo... I'm pretty sure dry ice covered the pitch too and alas I saw it all in real HD his legs were pounding away but he seemed to turn like a combine harvester stuck in a back alley and accelerate akin to a hardback book sitting on a bookshelf.
 








spongy

spongy

Well-known member
Aug 7, 2011
2,764
Burgess Hill
Marcus Painter? I cant remember the game but it was our first season at the Amex and he was chasing a ball down the left wing.

Poor guy. Never stood a chance.
 


TWOCHOICEStom

TWOCHOICEStom

Well-known member
Sep 22, 2007
10,563
Brighton
Not the slowest but remember when JOHNATHAN OBIKA tried to run after that ball with a 20yard head start and still got overtaken?

That was funny.
 




Stat Brother

Stat Brother

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 11, 2003
73,664
West west west Sussex
A favourite recent memory was in a game Wayne Bridge didn't play, possibly against Wolves.

Someone played a 'ball for Bridge' down to the SE corner flag, it was gamely chased down by Marcos Painter.
For all I know he's still running.
 


Kosh

Kosh

'The' Yaztromo
Jul 14, 2003
5,217
Yaztromo's Tower; the borders of Darkwood Forest
Bas Savage was also surprisingly very slow. With the ball at his feet he seemed to have to slalom from left to right in order to control the ball, which added to the almost comedic slowness at which he moved forwards.

There was one episode away at Tranmere I'll never forget. 10 yards clear he had to shoot from 25 yards as he was overtaken by the time he'd controlled and turned to run. As for the shot, he lost control had to kind of outside of the boot toe poke the ball towards the goal. I actually laughed as the ball span away and almost made the advertising board to the right of the goal. Awful.
 






Kosh

Kosh

'The' Yaztromo
Jul 14, 2003
5,217
Yaztromo's Tower; the borders of Darkwood Forest
Gary Hobson - seemed to play like he was from an alternate dimension where time and space moved at an entirely different pace.
 








sully

sully

Dunscouting
Jul 7, 2003
7,831
Worthing
By the time he came to us, Frank Worthington did the running through treacle thing. They still couldn’t get the ball off him, though. Total class act.
 






















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