Ok, so swap 'buy' to 'borrow'.
See above.
Yes, that's the one.
Yes they do.
User? WTF is a user? Why are you being dense?
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o/t Sharing a joke
- Thread starter Couldn't Be Hyypia
- Start date
1. "I'm not a fan of the new pound coin, but then again, I hate all change" - Ken Cheng
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine
The top 15 jokes at Edinburgh Fringe.
2. "Trump's nothing like Hitler. There's no way he could write a book" - Frankie Boyle
3. "I've given up asking rhetorical questions. What's the point?" - Alexei Sayle
4. "I'm looking for the girl next door type. I'm just gonna keep moving house till I find her" - Lew Fitz
5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field
6. "Combine Harvesters. And you'll have a really big restaurant" - Mark Simmons
7. "I'm rubbish with names. It's not my fault, it's a condition. There's a name for it..." - Jimeoin
8. "I have two boys, 5 and 6. We're no good at naming things in our house" - Ed Byrne
9. "I wasn't particularly close to my dad before he died... which was lucky, because he trod on a land mine" - Olaf Falafel
10. "Whenever someone says, 'I don't believe in coincidences.' I say, 'Oh my God, me neither!"' - Alasdair Beckett-King
11. "A friend tricked me into going to Wimbledon by telling me it was a men's singles event" - Angela Barnes
12. "As a vegan, I think people who sell meat are disgusting; but apparently people who sell fruit and veg are grocer" - Adele Cliff
13. "For me dying is a lot like going camping. I don't want to do it" - Phil Wang
14. "I wonder how many chameleons snuck onto the Ark" - Adam Hess
15. "I went to a Pretenders gig. It was a tribute act" - Tim Vine
The top 15 jokes at Edinburgh Fringe.
GT49er
Well-known member
Yes you can. They sell off old stock.
(PS That's an answer to the post, not a contribution to the jokes thread).
GT49er
Well-known member
At least two of which found their way on to here earlier. Plagiarism rules!
maffew
Well-known member
I deleted all my german contacts from my phone. Now its Hans free
Stato
Well-known member
- Dec 21, 2011
- 6,588
Surely the traditional NSC version should be:
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book about very small penises,
The librarian replies 'It isn't in yet,' and he says:
"In that case, wash your hands and make me a cheese sandwich."
Lankyseagull
One Step Beyond
I've just finished a book called "How to give constructive criticism".
It was sh*t!
It was sh*t!
portlock seagull
Why? Why us?
- Jul 28, 2003
- 17,116
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my Grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers
portlock seagull
Why? Why us?
- Jul 28, 2003
- 17,116
I've just finished a book about glue. Couldn't put it down
I'll never forget my grandpa's final words, "stop shaking the ladder you c**t."
Aaah! Tommy Cooper RIP.
Crispy Ambulance
Well-known member
I like to travel around to lots of obscure places in this great country of ours.
Yesterday, I went to Not In Service
I went by bus!
Yesterday, I went to Not In Service
I went by bus!
Albion in the north
Well-known member
Wife: "do you see that drunk man over there?"
Husband: "Yes, do you know him?"
Wife: "Yes, 10 years ago he asked me to marry him and I turned him down"
Husband: "And he's still celebrating?"
Husband: "Yes, do you know him?"
Wife: "Yes, 10 years ago he asked me to marry him and I turned him down"
Husband: "And he's still celebrating?"
Gazwag
5 millionth post poster
Wouldn't they advertise in $$$$$'s
Garage_Doors
Originally the Swankers
My grandad passed away peacefully in his sleep, unlike his passengers.
Garage_Doors
Originally the Swankers
When i need to reach up high i don't have any real ladders, i only have a step ladder.
Jack Straw
I look nothing like him!
I come from a long line of Conga dancers.
Lindfield by the Pond
Well-known member
Was that the grandfather that was a fighter pilot ace in WW2? The one that shot down countless planes, many of which were German?