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  1. #41
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    Once, a good few years back now. We were going to the funeral of an old aunt of my wife's and I had a light grey suit on (black tie, though!). We were just about to leave home and I thought I'd better have a final quick toilet visit before departing. However, the bladder was barely full and as I strained to release what little was in there, I somehow managed to squirt it all down my leg - resulting in a dark grey streak down as far as my knee. My good lady was hugely unimpressed as I revealed my disaster and we had to delay our departure whilst I went off for a wardrobe change!! Most embarrassing.

    I have however, once seen someone have a full release in their trousers. I have previously mentioned that many years ago in my younger days I was a police officer in London. Dealing with the drunks could often result in having to handle somebody who'd suffered a 'loss of control' of varying descriptions and that was always a bit messy and unpleasant. However, as an officer yourself, access to toilets could be quite tricky at times on duty and several amusing incidents took place during desperate panicky moments.

    But not long after we'd left training college, all the new recruits had to go to a sort of welcome to the criminal justice system type of event at the magistrates court. About twenty of us attended, in full uniform, and spent hours one morning sitting in the courtroom being spoken to at length by various magistrates and dignitaries. Just when we were thinking the event was finally coming to a close, an elderly chap who was something like the Lord Lieutenant of Middlesex (it was a long, long time ago!) arrived and warbled on and on and on.

    The event was far too pompous to be disturbed by exiting the room but suddenly there was some discreet but obvious consternation where we were all sitting and it very quickly became apparent that not only was the regaled and robed old chap in full flow with his speech, but one of our intake was also flowing voluminously ... into his uniform trousers!! The event had gone on for so long that the unfortunate lad hadn't been able to last out and with no means of exiting the room, he simply couldn't wait and torrentially wet himself sitting on a wooden bench.

    Never have a pair of pants been wetted so spectacularly. And around 19 other pairs came close too I suspect, through the laughter that erupted outside when we finally escaped. Memorable and side-splitting for weeks, months and years afterwards, but probably also mortifying for the poor young copper, too!

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    • #42
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      0 Not allowed!
      I should have added a footnote to the last post, saying that no-one was long-term harmed in the outlined incident. I suspect that a few readers would be overly concerned it was a policeman!!
    • #43
      tfso!
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      1 Not allowed!
      I have always had a weak bladder . Went to the docs who said I have very tight muscles around my bladder which makes me wanna piss a lot but not a lot comes out. So I can real off stories and stories but probably the best was when I was working in Croydon (so probably no one batted an eyelid) .
      I worked for Barclays and the systems went down so at midday on Friday they sent us home. Being mid 20s we all went on the piss and by 6pm we were all ruined . I vaguely remember getting a train about that time and then being woken up by the train guard or whatever he was at about 930pm . Weve all fallen asleep on trains but the train I was on only went 3 stops and then went back again . Got off the train and realised id pissed myself heavily and then it dawned on me that id been on that train going back and forth for more than 3 hours slowly pissing myself more and more on a Friday night . That train was busy too!
    • #44
      Members Albion my Albion's Avatar
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      0 Not allowed!
      Never regret yesterday. Life is in you today, and you make your tomorrow.

      ---- L. Ron Hubbard
    • #45
      Up the Albion! smudge's Avatar
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      2 Not allowed!
      If you haven't grand slammed, you're not a real matelot. (One for the RN crew).
      Tiptoe, through the North Stand,
      Wiv yer boots on......
    • #46

      3 Not allowed!
      Many years ago , with a bladder on bursting point, I was driving through London and was stuck in traffic. 2 lane road and I was stuck in the outside lane. Couldn't turn off into side road and the traffic kept moving then stopping , so no chance of opening car door for a sly pee. Was desperately searching for any suitable container, bottle .......anything!!!! But alas I had tidied the car the day before!! All these years later I can still remember the panic - I held on as long as I could but in the end I made the desperate decision to wet myself - I thought if I could just let a little out it would relieve my angst , it would mean I could concentrate on controlling the car and hey at worst it would only be slightly damp under crackers - the friends I was driving to would need never know?.......

      Well that initial release was a mixture of wonderous freedom and total horror....,.,, the slight trickle very quickly became a torrent of shame . I think I shouted out loud "really, no god no......"
      Needless to say I ended up with more than just damp underpants.......
      I won't go into any details of what happened when I arrived at my friends' house.......somethings in life are just too painful to think about........


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    • #47
      Glory hunting since 1969 lawros left foot's Avatar
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      3 Not allowed!
      A West Ham supporting friend of mine, tells the story of a game against Spurs that was a bit lively. During a skirmish in the street, he was trapped up against a wall by a large Police horse, which, at exactly that moment unleashed a torrent of very pungent horse piss , soaking my mate from the chest down. He reckons the smell was awful, and got worse as the day went on, but he did have a seat all to himself on the train home.
      You be glad you be Sussex born!
    • #48
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      I've reached the age where I dare not pass a toilet without popping in. If I'm honest a little dampness down below is the norm these days. Is it just me?
      Old Truelove ain't too hard to find
    • #49
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      1 Not allowed!
      Football tour to Manchester in the mid 80s. Night before the first match the whole team went out and got wasted, not just a bit wasted but beyond very wasted and then a bit more. First match is a morning kick-off we're all feeling more than a bit sore. So, early doors the opposition win a corner, when it comes over I jump to head it clear and I'm completely steam rollered by their juggernaut of a centre forward. As I hit the ground I spectacularly shat myself and vomited simultaneously. Turned out our other centre half had also been taken out in the same challenge and on hitting the deck had also followed through (but hadn't doubled up so to speak). Our keeper thinks it's the funniest thing he's ever seen and bent double with laughter also loses sphincter control. Needless to say the three of us weren't allowed in the communal bath until everyone else had been in it and reassured us they'd had a good slash in the water.
      There was a magical purple in the chrome of the exhaust of his Triumph motorbike
    • #50
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      0 Not allowed!
      Funnily enough, only three months after posting my "policeman in court" story (post 41) on here, I went to a reunion meal just a few weeks back, which unsurprisingly turned into a boozy night. PC Pants-Wetter was not in attendance and nobody really seemed to know where he had ended up but of course, the 'incident' came up in conversation. I didn't know this at the time but apparently he was told at the time that if it happened again (!) he'd need to see the medical bods. Understandable perhaps but much more bizarrely, the young officer received a letter from the Chairman of the Bench of Magistrates expressing their sympathy at what had happened and advising him to "ask" if he ever found himself in such a predicament in court in the future! How astonishing is that?!

      Good old magistrates and police. I bet that letter would be pure gold dust to read!!

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