Your personal contribution to our promotion is....what?

My lucky pants have been looking a bit threadbare this season but I've stuck with them. I know that lucky pants sound like a silly superstition that can't possibly affect the performance of a highly trained team of athletes, but this is how I know that they were key to our successful season: last night I bent down to pick up the cats' water bowl and they split with a thunderous tearing sound. They held together just long enough to get us to promotion, but at last, with Derby's equaliser seeing their job done, they were spent.

They're useless now. Not just unwearable: no good even as a rag. And their magic has sadly expired.

The hunt is now on for new lucky pants for the Premier League season. Maybe something expensive, glitzy and trying-too-hard, like a gold lamé thong.

Never seen a defeat this season at the stadium. Missed the Brentford game and Newcastle game. The girlfriend has come to only three games (not a football fan) but hasn't seen us concede, saw Sidders score from halfway.