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Thread: Joke du Jour

  1. #1
    Members The Andy Naylor Fan Club's Avatar
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    Joke du Jour


    4 Not allowed!
    The Queen visits a scottish army hospital and visits ward A. Inside is a Scots Soldier lying on his front with a cage and a blanket over his Bum. The Queen turns to him amd says
    "And What are you in for?"
    "Ma'am I've Got a terrible bout of Dysentry"
    "Gosh"replies the Queen"And Whats the treatment for that?"
    "Wire Brush and Dettol three times a day"he says
    " And Do You Have any ambition left in life?" She Asks
    "Yes Ma'am To Beat this terrible affliction and get back to serve for my Queen and Country"he replies
    "That's Mighty Brave Of You "she says and pins a medal of honour on his Bum

    So Then SHe Moves Onto the second Patient Of The Three And Asks:-
    "And What are you in for?"
    "Ma'am Iv'e Got a terrible strain of genital Herpes"
    "Gosh"replies the Queen"And Whats the treatment for that?"
    "Wire Brush and Dettol three times a day" he says
    " And Do You Have any ambition left in life?" She Asks
    "Yes Ma'am To Beat this terrible affliction and get back to serve for my Queen and Country"he replies
    "That's Mighty Brave Of You "she says and pins a medal of honour on his Chest
    She Moves Onto the Last Patient and asks
    "What are you in for?"
    The soldier replies in a croaky voice
    "tonsilitis"
    "And Whats the treatment for that?"
    "Wire Brush and dettol three times a day ma'am "comes the croaky reply"
    "Ohhhh Is'nt that awfully painful"She Asks
    "Whatever it takes to beat this affliction and get back to serving My Queen And Country"He Says Proudly
    "And Do You Have any ambition left in life"she asks
    "yes" The Man Replies "To get the Wire brush and dettol before those two dirty Ba***rds!!!"
    When you are out and about, if you see someone without a smile, give them one of yours.

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    • #2
      Whalewhine Taybha's Avatar
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      2 Not allowed!
      Is there any concrete evidence that a wire brush and dettol actually cures patients 1 and 2 ? i mean sounds a bit far fetched to me so patient 3 need not actually need the wire brush and dettol at all , on a side note my mum used to put a brown paper bag soaked in vinegar on my head when something was hurting , (didn't really matter where the pain was ) , funny old world i met quite a few girls with paper bags on their heads when i was a nipper so i guess there must of been something in that cure .
      "SOLLY MARCH IS GIVING JOHNATHAN GROUNDS A ABSOLUTE NIGHTMARE "
    • #3
      Members SouthCoastOwl's Avatar
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      4 Not allowed!
      I've checked the NICE guidelines on the prescribed treatments for the diseases and disorders mentioned and you're wrong on all three counts!

      ...........and why didn't the third soldier get a medal?
      There was a magical purple in the chrome of the exhaust of his Triumph motorbike
    • #4
      Mama said knock you out. LlcoolJ's Avatar
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      4 Not allowed!
      What is the significance of the first patient being Scottish and why aren't we told the nationality of the other two? Smacks of some sort of Scottish Nationalist bias to me.
    • #5
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      3 Not allowed!
      Most NHS hospitals would use a separate wire brush so I sense the soldier's concerns are somewhat redundant.

      My own view is that the third soldier should also be awarded a medal.
      I've lost my way. If anyone should find it, do return it quickly. I should imagine it quite rusty by now.
    • #6

      1 Not allowed!
      Quote Originally Posted by The Andy Naylor Fan Club View Post
      This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
      The Queen visits a scottish army hospital and visits ward A. Inside is a Scots Soldier lying on his front with a cage and a blanket over his Bum. The Queen turns to him amd says
      "And What are you in for?"
      "Ma'am I've Got a terrible bout of Dysentry"
      "Gosh"replies the Queen"And Whats the treatment for that?"
      "Wire Brush and Dettol three times a day"he says
      " And Do You Have any ambition left in life?" She Asks
      "Yes Ma'am To Beat this terrible affliction and get back to serve for my Queen and Country"he replies
      "That's Mighty Brave Of You "she says and pins a medal of honour on his Bum

      So Then SHe Moves Onto the second Patient Of The Three And Asks:-
      "And What are you in for?"
      "Ma'am Iv'e Got a terrible strain of genital Herpes"
      "Gosh"replies the Queen"And Whats the treatment for that?"
      "Wire Brush and Dettol three times a day" he says
      " And Do You Have any ambition left in life?" She Asks
      "Yes Ma'am To Beat this terrible affliction and get back to serve for my Queen and Country"he replies
      "That's Mighty Brave Of You "she says and pins a medal of honour on his Chest
      She Moves Onto the Last Patient and asks
      "What are you in for?"
      The soldier replies in a croaky voice
      "tonsilitis"
      "And Whats the treatment for that?"
      "Wire Brush and dettol three times a day ma'am "comes the croaky reply"
      "Ohhhh Is'nt that awfully painful"She Asks
      "Whatever it takes to beat this affliction and get back to serving My Queen And Country"He Says Proudly
      "And Do You Have any ambition left in life"she asks
      "yes" The Man Replies "To get the Wire brush and dettol before those two dirty Ba***rds!!!"
      A blanket over his Bum, you say? Why is the vagrant omitted from the rest of this story? Does he get a medal? Or is it just lax security in an army hospital? I think there should be an enquiry.
      RICHARD SWIVELLER, a good-hearted, though somewhat queer young man
    • #7
      5 millionth post poster Gazwag's Avatar
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      0 Not allowed!
      Quote Originally Posted by The Andy Naylor Fan Club View Post
      This quote is hidden because you are ignoring this member. Show Quote
      The Queen visits a scottish army hospital and visits ward A. Inside is a Scots Soldier lying on his front with a cage and a blanket over his Bum. The Queen turns to him amd says
      "And What are you in for?"
      "Ma'am I've Got a terrible bout of Dysentry"
      "Gosh"replies the Queen"And Whats the treatment for that?"
      "Wire Brush and Dettol three times a day"he says
      " And Do You Have any ambition left in life?" She Asks
      "Yes Ma'am To Beat this terrible affliction and get back to serve for my Queen and Country"he replies
      "That's Mighty Brave Of You "she says and pins a medal of honour on his Bum

      So Then SHe Moves Onto the second Patient Of The Three And Asks:-
      "And What are you in for?"
      "Ma'am Iv'e Got a terrible strain of genital Herpes"
      "Gosh"replies the Queen"And Whats the treatment for that?"
      "Wire Brush and Dettol three times a day" he says
      " And Do You Have any ambition left in life?" She Asks
      "Yes Ma'am To Beat this terrible affliction and get back to serve for my Queen and Country"he replies
      "That's Mighty Brave Of You "she says and pins a medal of honour on his Chest
      She Moves Onto the Last Patient and asks
      "What are you in for?"
      The soldier replies in a croaky voice
      "tonsilitis"
      "And Whats the treatment for that?"
      "Wire Brush and dettol three times a day ma'am "comes the croaky reply"
      "Ohhhh Is'nt that awfully painful"She Asks
      "Whatever it takes to beat this affliction and get back to serving My Queen And Country"He Says Proudly
      "And Do You Have any ambition left in life"she asks
      "yes" The Man Replies "To get the Wire brush and dettol before those two dirty Ba***rds!!!"
      Have you split Dettol on your caPs LoCk
      Become a fan of Northstandchat Dogs Syndicate and follow @NSCGreyhounds on Twitter
    • #8

      0 Not allowed!
      Swearing in front of Her Royal Majesty? Absolutely disgraceful.

      In my day, you'd have been hung, drawn, and quartered for that.
      Football. F**king football. Imagine not being into it. Those poor, poor, half-alive B*stards. - Danny Baker
    • #9
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      0 Not allowed!
      It is described as a Scots Army hospital, and the first patient is Scottish. Maybe the other two aren't and they have to use the Jock's dirty cast off. Scottish Racists!!!
      The 2 sporting loves in my life:
      Brighton and Hove Albion and Bath Rugby
    • #10
      Members Tim Over Whelmed's Avatar
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      1 Not allowed!
      According to The Gazette HM Queen has no appointments in Scotland today, are you sure this is factually correct?

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