John Bumlick
Banned
What do you call a black man flying a plane?
A pilot, you racist b'stards.
A pilot, you racist b'stards.
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Student Graduation Ball speech - joke needed
- Thread starter Moshe Gariani
- Start date
Bold Seagull
strong and stable with me, or...
Making this speech reminds me of how nervous I was when I had to recite the Lords Prayer in front of the whole school and I forgot the words. That taught me a valuable lesson in always writing things down [look down at speech cards, look up with a pause] Our father, who......
BBassic
I changed this.
- Jul 28, 2011
- 12,319
And now I have a line to use on friends I haven't seen for a while when they ask "how have you been?"
crodonilson
He/Him
“NASA decided they’d finally send a man up in a capsule after sending only monkeys in the earlier missions,”
“They fire the man and the monkey into space.
“The intercom crackles, 'Monkey, fire the retros.'
“A little later, 'Monkey, check the solid fuel supply.'
“Later still, “Monkey, check the life support systems for the man.'
“The astronaut takes umbrage and radioes NASA, 'When do I get to do something?'
“NASA replies, 'In 15 minutes - feed the monkey.'”
“They fire the man and the monkey into space.
“The intercom crackles, 'Monkey, fire the retros.'
“A little later, 'Monkey, check the solid fuel supply.'
“Later still, “Monkey, check the life support systems for the man.'
“The astronaut takes umbrage and radioes NASA, 'When do I get to do something?'
“NASA replies, 'In 15 minutes - feed the monkey.'”
JamesAndTheGiantHead
Well-known member
What time does Sean Connery like to arrive at Wimbledon?
Tennish.
Tennish.
Mo Gosfield
Well-known member
- Aug 11, 2010
- 6,284
A chap was out playing golf with friends one day and played a wild shot, deep into the woods. " You'll never find that ball " said his mates but he trotted off and came back with it in his hand. " That's amazing " they said..." How did you find it ?...." Simple " he replied, " This ball lets off a bleeping noise, when it is hidden in undergrowth, allowing me to locate it "
On the next hole, he drove straight into the lake and the ball sunk without trace. " Bad luck " said his friends, " You'd better play another ball "...." No, wait a minute " he said and to their amazement, the ball popped back up onto the surface of the lake and floated to the bank. " How did it do that? " they asked...." It's got an inbuilt flotation device " he said. " That's incredible " said his mates, " You actually have a ball that is impossible to lose "..." where on earth did you get it from? "
" I found it " he said.
On the next hole, he drove straight into the lake and the ball sunk without trace. " Bad luck " said his friends, " You'd better play another ball "...." No, wait a minute " he said and to their amazement, the ball popped back up onto the surface of the lake and floated to the bank. " How did it do that? " they asked...." It's got an inbuilt flotation device " he said. " That's incredible " said his mates, " You actually have a ball that is impossible to lose "..." where on earth did you get it from? "
" I found it " he said.
Normal Rob
Well-known member
What's a pirates favourite letter?
(after the inevitable Arrrrgghhhh)
Arrrrgghhhh you might think that, but their first love is the c.
(after the inevitable Arrrrgghhhh)
Arrrrgghhhh you might think that, but their first love is the c.
Moshe Gariani
Well-known member
- Mar 10, 2005
- 12,090
- Thread starter
- #29
Thanks TCT... Luckily, given the quality of mirth making material on here, I actually spent the afternoon writing a proper speech ...
I might try the monkeys in the bath though.
Easy 10
Brain dead MUG SHEEP
