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Alan Partridge Quotes







Balders

Well-known member
Aug 19, 2013
282
Your hand is about 30 mil from my gland, and if i were dressed to the other side it would be in contact
 




Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
61,673
Location Location
AP: I see they’ve opened up the Norfolk Broads to wheelchair users. Unbelievable. It might seem like a good thing but how many people do you know in wheelchairs who genuinely want to go on the Norfolk Broads? I’d suggest it’s 0.00000000000000001%. Is it worth the disruption for largely blameless able-bodied people?
SS: What if you had an accident and were in a wheelchair?
AP: I’d just watch TV. Or go on the computer. There’s loads of things you can do.
 






Brightonfan1983

Tiny member
Jul 5, 2003
4,803
UK
AP: "Kev in Norwich..."
KiN: "Gravy."
AP: "That's not a condiment that's a hot sauce."
KiN: "Bisto then."
AP: "That's a brand of gravy."
KiN: "Branston Pickle then."
AP: "And that's a relish. It's 8 minutes to 12. In less than one hour - "
KiN: "Mustard."
AP: [cuts caller off] - myself and Sidekick Simon will come face to face with one of the most beautiful women in the world, Anthea 'The Body' Turner..."
 


Prince Monolulu

Everything in Moderation
Oct 2, 2013
10,201
The Race Hill
(about suffering from erectile issues)

AP : Alright, alright once but that was only because I had already commenced foreplay when I remembered I had not renewed my tax disc. But, erm, once I had put a quick call into the DVLA err lovemaking could begin in anger.

There have been times when I have been more rubbery than turgid. You can't just summon up tumescence like room service.
 




Caveman

Well-known member
Jul 14, 2003
9,926
Alan: Erm, Shona. Do you want to put those pears back, please? I really would rather you didn’t… mess with those pears. Please, really, honestly. I really would rather you didn’t.. Oh, what the heck, rock and roll! Let’s all have a pear!
Let me ask you this, question I’ve always wanted to ask a Scottish woman. What has a Scotsman got underneath his kilt?

Shona: His penis.

Alan: Oh for god’s sake. I know exactly what you’re thinking. You all think, right, I’m a big square. Let me tell you something. I’ve seen what you done, I’ve seen it all before. I’ve inhaled hashish. I’ve worn tall shoes. I’ve had an afro haircut. I went on all-weekend binges to Prestatyn to see Wings. And I’ll tell you something else; Chirs De Burgh, Mike Oldfield, Jean Michel Jarre and The Eagles could eat you lot for breakfast. (to Keith) You’re quite.
 




Mellotron

I've asked for soup
Jul 2, 2008
31,730
Brighton
It's not easy to find unless you have Sky Go or Sky Player or whatever but I wanted to use this opportunity to HIGHLY recommend the 2nd series of Mid Morning Matters.

It's genuinely some of the funniest Partridge I have ever seen. They have his character absolutely nailed down to a tee now.
 






MattBackHome

Well-known member
Jul 7, 2003
11,689
It's not easy to find unless you have Sky Go or Sky Player or whatever but I wanted to use this opportunity to HIGHLY recommend the 2nd series of Mid Morning Matters.

It's genuinely some of the funniest Partridge I have ever seen. They have his character absolutely nailed down to a tee now.

Completely agree - it's up there with the best of Partridge.

I didn't realise until this week that there is a new Partridge book coming out: Amazon link here.
 






theroyal

Well-known member
May 11, 2014
434
"This whole political correctness thing really bugs the heck out of me. You can't say boo to a goose these days. In fact, you probably couldn't even say “goose”. You've probably got to call them feathered... dogs”

"One day I lost five pounds, although that was partly because I'd eaten some bad ham. I thought, well, whatever works. I used to seek out bad ham. I'd go to the supermarket and say, "Can I have a pound of your baddest ham?" And I don't mean 'bad' in a black street culture way, I mean genuinely awful ham."
 


ManOfSussex

We wunt be druv
Apr 11, 2016
14,730
Rape of Hastings, Sussex
It's not easy to find unless you have Sky Go or Sky Player or whatever but I wanted to use this opportunity to HIGHLY recommend the 2nd series of Mid Morning Matters.

It's genuinely some of the funniest Partridge I have ever seen. They have his character absolutely nailed down to a tee now.

The episode of the royal visit where he recites, as a play, the conversation Prince William and Kate have in the bedroom had me utterly, utterly crying with laughter. That was the funniest thing I had seen in years.

"and now the theme to Blue Peter."
 
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KingstonSeagull

New member
May 1, 2013
2,185
Shoreditch
Let me tell you something about the Titanic, people forget, people forget that on the Titanic's maiden voyage there were over 1000 miles of uneventful, very pleasurable cruising before it hit the iceberg!
 









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