I am an alcoholic

On the Left Wing · Sep 3, 2004

I am an alcoholic.

Forced to admit it to loved ones a few days ago and gaining much support from Mrs OTLW and my older son and daughter. Been drinking all my life, but chronically for past 14 years. Manage to idle through most days at work – absences have gone under excuses such as writer’s block or artistic temperament! But come 5.30 every night the ritual began of a large glass of whisky or vodka followed by bottle or two of wine and then more spirits. EVERY NIGHT for 14 years! When I really pushed the boat out it would be 3 or 4 bottles of wine … and never any hangover!

Maybe I drank to forget, maybe there were reasons to start with, but the drink later gave me the reason. In any case a Conservative estimation is I have spent over £35,000 on daily drink in just 14 years (that does not include going out, parties or Christmas).

But it started to catch up with my health … ke-tones in my urine, drenching night sweats, enlarged liver, sleeplessness and general irritability.

I have been dry for 5 days – each evening has been it’s own cold turkey – and am officially in Recovery. I have my first meeting of AA to attend tonight ... am terrified.

Marshy · Sep 3, 2004

Good luck. I do believe this post for some reason.

Cian · Sep 3, 2004

Woah. Weird admission for NSC anyway.

Good luck with the AA and the not drinking. Takes a lot of willpower to get off anything.

edna krabappel · Sep 3, 2004

Cue Trisha-audience-like round of applause....

Seriously, if you're not on a wind up, that is some confession to make on here. Fair play and good luck.

chips and gravy · Sep 3, 2004

I feel for you - hope you get yourself sorted. I am curiuos why you're telling us all this though - are you steeling yourself for tonight?

zefarelly · Sep 3, 2004

well done for you and your family, and maybe this isnt such a place to make such an admission, despite all the crap on here sometimes there are some good people here and I'm sure genuine well wishers. stick with it OTLW and hope you feel better soon

Gwylan · Sep 3, 2004

This doesn't sound like a wind-up. Brave admission to make on here, but good luck OTLW.

Admitting it is the first and biggest step.

On the Left Wing · Sep 3, 2004

chips and gravy said:
I feel for you - hope you get yourself sorted. I am curiuos why you're telling us all this though - are you steeling yourself for tonight?

As with Tanya and Cardiff ... it is often easier to come clean on things anonymously to most folk whom I have never met.
Took me years to admit it to myself and almost 4 years to tell Mrs OTLW.

And, no, it's no wind-up!

Just curious how something as few glasses of wine can over time ruin so much.

On the Left Wing · Sep 3, 2004

Brovian may remember this, but many many years ago when we were at Boundstone, we would have the odd residential weekend at Lodge Hill.

One such weekend was addressed by a blind person and an old guy who was an alcoholic. I remember he wore a trilby with fish flies hooked in it. He said he wore it cos he was a keen fisherman, but also to remind himself he was hooked!

I also remember he said his problem began by the habit of having a few whiskies each night he got in from work, until the few whiskies became a ritual, then a habit and then an addiction.

Think that is how is also was for me.

Uncle Spielberg · Sep 3, 2004

I have the utmost respect for you. Good luck in your quest.

Digweeds Trousers · Sep 3, 2004

All the best. it is something that I personally can see is a very easy trap to fall into - habits can become destructive. I think you are so right about sometimes writing things down that are so hard to say to people close to you, but there is a comfort on this board that we know other people are reading what we write.

it is so much better than hoping someone sees it someday. you feel heard because there will be such an instant response.

Good luck OTLW. I think that I can safely say that all here wish you strength

Bobby's Gull · Sep 3, 2004

Good luck I'm sure it'll be ok tonight at AA, just make sure you're doing this because you really want to and it isn't just a smokescreen so that your family and friends think you're making an effort. If you've been a bit of dickhead to them as well, apologise they will appreciate it.

Icy Gull · Sep 3, 2004

I've wondered at what stage it becomes alcoholism. Is it when you have to have a drink or two everyday? I know plenty of people who do that, me included.

Is it when, as OTLW says you have been drinking for years and can get through 3 to 4 bottles of wine as well as spirits and get night sweats?

I know a 20 year old who can go days without drink but the moment he has one he has to keep drinking until he falls asleep or passes out. Is he an alcoholic or just a binge drinker?

Is it when you can't keep within the limits that the medical bodies suggest as guides?

It's a tough one and I don't think you have to be a George Best to be an alcoholic, I reckon there are plenty of alcoholics who would be shocked to be called that.

Good Luck OTLW

ben andrews' girlfriend · Sep 3, 2004

Good luck OTLW - we are all behind you

caz99 · Sep 3, 2004

I hope you manage to kick it. it is the hardest thing to do to admit to yourself that you have a problem once you have done that you have won the battle and have to carry on to win the war.

my father was an alcoholic sadly the drink killed him when i was 13, however from the sounds of it his habit was a bit worse than yours. he would go through a bottle of port and 1/2 litre of vodka as well as lager a day. he had five heart attacks by the time he died his first starting at 36. his pancreas eventually gave up and so did he. its not very nice watching your parents suffer either.

brighton rock · Sep 3, 2004

well played mate just try to stick with it

your were one of many who drinks far too much booze but at least you have the guts to admit it and try to do something about it and i bet the rest of the family are over the moon with your new life style and will be there for you all the way.

On the Left Wing · Sep 3, 2004

Thanks ....

Odd how we create our own web in our lives where everything becomes intertwined.

I think I initially started drinking chronically (though must admit have always druk too much since the age of 17!) when Tanya’s mum ceased all contact with me in 1990.

The irony is that Tan and I found each other exactly a year ago. Personally it has been a triumphant year, but I have also coped with the ups in the same way I coped with the downs … by immersing myself in alcohol. And it was Tan who was the first to say to me “You don’t half drink a lot!”

London Irish · Sep 3, 2004

We'll be interested to hear your experiences of AA - that's if, if you want to stay in confession mode.

Good luck!

On the Left Wing · Sep 3, 2004

caz99 said:
I hope you manage to kick it. it is the hardest thing to do to admit to yourself that you have a problem once you have done that you have won the battle and have to carry on to win the war.

my father was an alcoholic sadly the drink killed him when i was 13, however from the sounds of it his habit was a bit worse than yours. he would go through a bottle of port and 1/2 litre of vodka as well as lager a day. he had five heart attacks by the time he died his first starting at 36. his pancreas eventually gave up and so did he. its not very nice watching your parents suffer either.

Caz ... so so sorry for you. Thanks also for your sentiment.

Safeway · Sep 3, 2004

As someone with first-hand experience of alcoholism and what it can do to people I would like to wish you the very, VERY best of luck with your quest to beat it.

The road ahead will not be an easy one, but if YOU really want to get over it then you will. Because that's the thing, only you are able to stop yourself. It's no good trying to do something because other people are telling you to.

Sincere best wishes.

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