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How do you cope



Stat Brother

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 11, 2003
73,776
West west west Sussex
Confidence is definitely the key.

Advise which means nothing to someone with little or no self confidence - I should know.
 




Nibble

New member
Jan 3, 2007
19,238
Advise which means nothing to someone with little or no self confidence - I should know.

Apologies, yes a bit meaningless on it's own. I meant it as reinforcement of the suggestions for confidence building other posters have written. All the things mentioned are the things I would do to build confidence.
 






Adders1

Active member
Jan 14, 2013
368
...and it never stays up for long

Good old NSC, never more than 3 pages from a knob joke.

Seriously, to the OP, your pist echoes more or less every feeling I have had in my 20s, but relax, take it easy, do something you enjoy, and study your jacobs off to be better than the idiots that let you go.
 




rool

Well-known member
Jul 10, 2003
6,031
Have a look at Meet Up in the web. There are loads of social groups doing all sorts of stuff in London. I'm in a couple of gigging and walking groups

I joined this group when I first moved alone to London in 2010 https://www.citysocializer.com/

I don't like socialising with work colleagues as I like to keep my work and private lives separate and this worked perfectly. I was a bit nervous at first but everyone was really friendly and just start chatting to you. I liked the fact that it wasn't a dating thing too so there was no need for chat up BS. It could be a meet up in a bar, a walk, a picnic or a group going to the cinema so all sorts of activities to join in. Until I joined this I pretty much went back to my flat every night and just slept all evening because I had nothing else to do. Weekends would pretty much be spent dozing in bed and just falling out of it to get some food or use the bathroom. I suffer from depression anyway but the inactivity just made it even worse.

A bit more of an extreme step and a lot harder for me at 50 but I have been looking at this too http://www.runawayguide.com/ . Pretty tempting for me as a better alternative to the dark thoughts that come into my head more frequently lately.
 












Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
12,790
Toronto
Confidence is a bit like a penis, everyone else always seems to have more of it than me.

...and it never stays up for long

And it STINKS

....and just when you need it the most, it goes missing :(

I'm suddenly thinking of this guy

article-0-1AF944E4000005DC-967_634x422.jpg
 




Uncle Spielberg

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 6, 2003
42,819
Lancing
I joined this group when I first moved alone to London in 2010 https://www.citysocializer.com/

I don't like socialising with work colleagues as I like to keep my work and private lives separate and this worked perfectly. I was a bit nervous at first but everyone was really friendly and just start chatting to you. I liked the fact that it wasn't a dating thing too so there was no need for chat up BS. It could be a meet up in a bar, a walk, a picnic or a group going to the cinema so all sorts of activities to join in. Until I joined this I pretty much went back to my flat every night and just slept all evening because I had nothing else to do. Weekends would pretty much be spent dozing in bed and just falling out of it to get some food or use the bathroom. I suffer from depression anyway but the inactivity just made it even worse.

A bit more of an extreme step and a lot harder for me at 50 but I have been looking at this too http://www.runawayguide.com/ . Pretty tempting for me as a better alternative to the dark thoughts that come into my head more frequently lately.

I am in the same boat now, rool. I have been single now for nearly 3 years after having partners in my life bar a few months for over 20 years. I am pretty much full time single now as I cannot see it ever working out with anyone again. The loneliness can be crippling and when at a low ebb can make you feel you are walking through Treacle. My advise to the OP is at 26 you can still make a great life for yourself, when you get the wrong side of 50 frankly time is not on your side anymore
 


rool

Well-known member
Jul 10, 2003
6,031
I am in the same boat now, rool. I have been single now for nearly 3 years after having partners in my life bar a few months for over 20 years. I am pretty much full time single now as I cannot see it ever working out with anyone again. The loneliness can be crippling and when at a low ebb can make you feel you are walking through Treacle. My advise to the OP is at 26 you can still make a great life for yourself, when you get the wrong side of 50 frankly time is not on your side anymore

Loneliness isn't so much a problem for me now. I do have people around me but I do wonder whether they are there for the right reasons. I just feel like stepping out to be honest and quite frankly I have nothing to lose.
 


Uncle Spielberg

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 6, 2003
42,819
Lancing
Loneliness isn't so much a problem for me now. I do have people around me but I do wonder whether they are there for the right reasons. I just feel like stepping out to be honest and quite frankly I have nothing to lose.

Good luck rool
 




Nathan

Well-known member
Jan 8, 2010
3,755
I am in the same boat now, rool. I have been single now for nearly 3 years after having partners in my life bar a few months for over 20 years. I am pretty much full time single now as I cannot see it ever working out with anyone again. The loneliness can be crippling and when at a low ebb can make you feel you are walking through Treacle. My advise to the OP is at 26 you can still make a great life for yourself, when you get the wrong side of 50 frankly time is not on your side anymore

50 is no age and you can still find someone to be happy with.
 


El Presidente

The ONLY Gay in Brighton
Helpful Moderator
Jul 5, 2003
39,713
Pattknull med Haksprut
Without wanting to sound too much like a Hi-Di-Hi rep gentlemen, don't give up at 50, there's still loads to discover.
 


Triggaaar

Well-known member
Oct 24, 2005
50,207
Goldstone
My advise to the OP is at 26 you can still make a great life for yourself, when you get the wrong side of 50 frankly time is not on your side anymore
My advice to someone the wrong side of 50, is that there's still plenty of life left to enjoy, and that could still be with a partner. My dad died when my mum was 45, and she wasn't going to be rushing into a new relationship. She started seeing someone when she was 50, and they've now been together for 23 years, and they're really happy.
 


Uncle Spielberg

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 6, 2003
42,819
Lancing
50 is no age and you can still find someone to be happy with.

53 next month. My point is the OP at 26 is no age and he can really turn his life around, after 50 opportunities definitely diminish, career wise, health wise, romance wise, the best years are behind you. What you have to do is make the best fist of things you can on a daily basis. There is some good advice for the OP on here and I wish him well
 




Triggaaar

Well-known member
Oct 24, 2005
50,207
Goldstone
53 next month. My point is the OP at 26 is no age and he can really turn his life around
We know that, and our advice to you is that 53 is no age, and you can really turn your life around.

after 50 opportunities definitely diminish, career wise, health wise, romance wise, the best years are behind you.
That's a matter of perspective. Plenty of people enjoy their later years more than their early years. The fact is, the past is history, and all any of us have is the future, so let's make the best of it. Career wise, I think you're doing ok. Sure, there'll be less romantic opportunities, but how many ladies do you need? Don't be defeatist and assume that it's not possible. If it's something you want, make sure the opportunities are there.

There is some good advice for the OP on here and I wish him well
And for you :)
 


BBassic

I changed this.
Jul 28, 2011
12,337
I had a similar "crisis" when I was around that age too. I'm only 30 now so don't think of this a "Listen here lad" type thing.

You're still so young though and, by your own admission, not really tied to anyone or anywhere or anything. If I were you, I'd pack a bag and bugger off somewhere for a year. Go and see somewhere you've always wanted to see.

This does all pass as well. I'm a much happier thirty year old than I ever was in my twenties.
 


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