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Bell Cheeses at work



hans kraay fan club

The voice of reason.
Helpful Moderator
Mar 16, 2005
61,290
Chandlers Ford
The company I now work for are Plymouth Bretheren. Their religion states that they cannot listen to music as its classed as sinful, so all radios are banned in all 3 buildings.

They've even disconnected the stereos in ALL company vehicles (including the lorry drivers) that deliver roofing materials and cladding to sites nationwide the poor ********.

I was due to go on break on Thursday morning. Smoking is obviously banned on the property so I actually have to go round the corner for a quick ciggy. I just wanted to get something done so paused whilst on my way out the door, ciggy in mouth and headphones in when the MD approached me from behind.

He made me jump and in doing so I spun round in a startle, unlit ciggy falling from my mouth and muttering a "**** me".

It's difficult to describe the look on his face. But if the earth had opened up right there and then to take me to the depths of hell I don't think he would have minded.

I'm all for people believing what they want to but why force their beliefs onto others? There's loads of little leaflets like the ones J.W post through your door and even a bible in the seating area for customers and clients.

The best one is the MD's PA. She thinks she runs the place. She came in to me last week and wanted a word and told me to put my mask on (whilst she didnt) saying she didn't want me to give her covid........ it doesn't work like that does it:ffsparr::ffsparr:

She told me that there has been reports of us leaving the keys in the forklift and it presents a serious H&S breach.

I tried to explain that a parked and switched off forklift does not present a risk. Its only if someone unqualified and untrained (Everyone on site has a license) gets on it. But she wouldn't have it. Daft bint.

The best one is that she came to me on another occasion and asked me not to use the kitchen to make a hot drink or get a drink of water from that kitchen and asked to use the other one in the building over the road. (Even if it's freezing or raining).

Her desk is in the kitchen. She moved her office into the kitchen area as she wanted to be alone and away from the big office upstairs.... and is now fed up with people going into her office to make a drink:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:

She even moved the microwave into our little 6ft square office on shopfloor as she was fed up with people making smelly food in her office.

ITS THE ****ING KITCHEN WOMAN. IF YOU DONT WANT PEOPLE MAKING DRINKS AND FOOD IN YOUR OFFICE THEN DONT MOVE YOUR OFFICE INTO THE ****ING KITCHEN.

Rant over.

She’s clearly a complete ****, but she is of course, right about the forklift.

You’re taught on your course not to ever leave them in, you’d fail your test if you dismount and leave them in, and any H&S audit would unquestionably pull you up on It, if they found it like that.

(Obviously we leave them in the ignition, like everyone else)
 




spongy

Well-known member
Aug 7, 2011
2,764
Burgess Hill
She’s clearly a complete ****, but she is of course, right about the forklift.

You’re taught on your course not to ever leave them in, you’d fail your test if you dismount and leave them in, and any H&S audit would unquestionably pull you up on It, if they found it like that.

(Obviously we leave them in the ignition, like everyone else)

I'm not so sure about that. It's like asbestos. It can be very harmful and do a lot of damage. But if you leave it alone and dont **** about with it (like trying to drill through it, move it or break it or sand it down then it won't harm you).

Everyone on site has a license. And there's only 3 keys for it. With a possible 15 users. They tried the key hook on the wall charade but it only took one person to walk off with it in their pocket to completely **** up everyone else who needed it for half an hour until it was found.

Everyone is licensed to use it. A forklift will not just randomly click itself into drive and drive into a pillar, stack of materials, or a person by itself. Especially a gas powered one.
 


hans kraay fan club

The voice of reason.
Helpful Moderator
Mar 16, 2005
61,290
Chandlers Ford
I'm not so sure about that. It's like asbestos. It can be very harmful and do a lot of damage. But if you leave it alone and dont **** about with it (like trying to drill through it, move it or break it or sand it down then it won't harm you).

Everyone on site has a license. And there's only 3 keys for it. With a possible 15 users. They tried the key hook on the wall charade but it only took one person to walk off with it in their pocket to completely **** up everyone else who needed it for half an hour until it was found.

Everyone is licensed to use it. A forklift will not just randomly click itself into drive and drive into a pillar, stack of materials, or a person by itself. Especially a gas powered one.

https://www.atlantictraining.com/safety-tips/forklift-safety-tips.php

Never leave an operating forklift unattended. In fact, leaving keys in an unattended forklift (or, thus, leaving on the ignition of this vehicle) is illegal, and has dire consequences as a safety hazard, even without the actual occurrence of an accident.

https://www.wayco.ca/blog/2018/12/18/forklift-safety-checklist

Never Leave Keys in Forklift Unattended

A forklift is a dangerous tool if the operator is not trained to use it. Leaving keys in an unattended forklift is illegal even without the actual occurrence of an accident. The truck should be turned off, and the key should be removed from the ignition and stored in its proper location. Only a trained certified operator can be entrusted with heavy machinery.

https://www.hse.gov.uk/pubns/indg457.pdf

Always -
Apply the parking brake, select neutral, switch off the engine and remove the key
Remove keys to their pace of safekeeping


:shrug:
 
Last edited:


Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
61,750
Location Location

Not sure how locked down your setup is for installs, but if you Google MouseJiggler, that's what I use.

Can set the timer up to 60 seconds as to how frequent you want it to nudge the mouse cursor. It also has a Zen mode so it can nudge, but doesn't actually move the cursor visually.

Hope this helps/makes things simpler!

Sent from my SM-G975F using Tapatalk

Forgot to mention - I got a USB one. GAMECHANGER.

I pile in first thing and get 80% of my shit done in the morning, often leaving me with some pretty quiet afternoons aside from a bit of firefighting now and then. Which means the PC (me) can be IDLE for some periods. Teams grasses you up. Not any more.

I plug this sucker in and happy days - I'm always showing as 'available' - as opposed to 'away watching the cricket', which I was for most of this afternoon.

Excellent. God I love WFH.
 


Thompson720

Well-known member
Jan 5, 2019
1,250
Patcham
Forgot to mention - I got a USB one. GAMECHANGER.

I pile in first thing and get 80% of my shit done in the morning, often leaving me with some pretty quiet afternoons aside from a bit of firefighting now and then. Which means the PC (me) can be IDLE for some periods. Teams grasses you up. Not any more.

I plug this sucker in and happy days - I'm always showing as 'available' - as opposed to 'away watching the cricket', which I was for most of this afternoon.

Excellent. God I love WFH.
Our equipment is governed by Group Policy, so if you're inactive for 10 minutes, not only does Teams go to Inactive but it logs you out and puts up the screensaver. Quite annoying really...

Glad to hear you're smashing it while WfH haha!
 




Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
61,750
Location Location
Our equipment is governed by Group Policy, so if you're inactive for 10 minutes, not only does Teams go to Inactive but it logs you out and puts up the screensaver. Quite annoying really...

Glad to hear you're smashing it while WfH haha!

Wouldn't one of these crafty little USB suckers bypass your group policy ?

At the moment, its looking like the best £20 I've spent in the last 12 months.
 




Thompson720

Well-known member
Jan 5, 2019
1,250
Patcham
Wouldn't one of these crafty little USB suckers bypass your group policy ?

At the moment, its looking like the best £20 I've spent in the last 12 months.
For Security Reasons, all external USB drives are blocked, it's no big deal like I said, still got the mouse juggler app which cuts all that crap out haha!

Had that installed since April last year haha!
 




RandyWanger

Je suis rôti de boeuf
Mar 14, 2013
6,032
Done a Frexit, now in London
For Security Reasons, all external USB drives are blocked, it's no big deal like I said, still got the mouse juggler app which cuts all that crap out haha!

Had that installed since April last year haha!

As our companies IT man, if I'd have gone through all the troubles of setting up a group policy locking down USB drives, I'd have the ability to see what apps are installed.

We're very relaxed here, let our users be local admin and do what they want pretty much (just an ad agency so not life or death stuff) but I can still see who's got what installed.

Are all your USB blocked? You can use 'Platform' to install apps on an external USB and run them without installing on your corporate computer, but if all USB are blocked it doesn't help you.
 


Thompson720

Well-known member
Jan 5, 2019
1,250
Patcham
As our companies IT man, if I'd have gone through all the troubles of setting up a group policy locking down USB drives, I'd have the ability to see what apps are installed.

We're very relaxed here, let our users be local admin and do what they want pretty much (just an ad agency so not life or death stuff) but I can still see who's got what installed.

Are all your USB blocked? You can use 'Platform' to install apps on an external USB and run them without installing on your corporate computer, but if all USB are blocked it doesn't help you.
I work in IT in the public sector, but I don't have as elevated permissions as others. So although I am trusted, there's an over governing ruling by an Infrastructure team that implement these devices into our Anti Virus system as 'blocked'.

Like I said though, works for me anyway haha!
 


Cian

Well-known member
Jul 16, 2003
14,262
Dublin, Ireland
I took a look at the company-wide installed app monitoring thing (which I don't have to use as engineering staff are on our own network) and the single most installed and used app (after Chrome) is a mouse jiggler - by some margin. We don't have Office licences as we use GSuite so there'd be no single non-web app with huge usage, other than ones to stop their FIVE MINUTE screen lockout.

In an office that makes sense but when people are WFH, generally in actual home offices - there was a fair bit of money thrown around for people get desks, chairs, etc - and most of them are doing nothing even vaguely secretive its obvious why people are installing them.
 




Blinkers

Active member
Jul 8, 2020
147
I run a simple PowerShell script that makes a simple F16 virtual key press every 14 minutes. You may not have a physical F16 key but the OS still recognises the virtual key press. No more locked screens and always active.
 


Whitechapel

Famous Last Words
Jul 19, 2014
4,071
Not in Whitechapel
There is a new guy at work.

He does a daily countdown until it’s the weekend every morning.

He doesn’t include the current day in the countdown.

It’s 9:07 on Wednesday, we have another 7 hours and 53 f*cking minutes left of this shift. It is not f*cking 2 days to the weekend you irritating f*cking bellend

It’s a matter of time until I roundhouse kick his head clean off his shoulders.
 






Sirnormangall

Well-known member
Sep 21, 2017
2,967
There is a new guy at work.

He does a daily countdown until it’s the weekend every morning.

He doesn’t include the current day in the countdown.

It’s 9:07 on Wednesday, we have another 7 hours and 53 f*cking minutes left of this shift. It is not f*cking 2 days to the weekend you irritating f*cking bellend

It’s a matter of time until I roundhouse kick his head clean off his shoulders.

He sounds happy in his job!
 


Jim Van Winkle

Well-known member
Jul 14, 2010
3,125
Hawaii
There is a new guy at work.

He does a daily countdown until it’s the weekend every morning.

He doesn’t include the current day in the countdown.

It’s 9:07 on Wednesday, we have another 7 hours and 53 f*cking minutes left of this shift. It is not f*cking 2 days to the weekend you irritating f*cking bellend

It’s a matter of time until I roundhouse kick his head clean off his shoulders.

I bet calls Wednesday, ‘hump day’.
 


Barham's tash

Well-known member
Jun 8, 2013
3,615
Rayners Lane
JO7sA6Y.gif


I'll get one.

Alternatively if your mouse is optical simply turn the little bugger on it's back like a turtle in the sun and place your watch face down on it. The ticking second hand is enough movement to trigger the cursor.
 


Barham's tash

Well-known member
Jun 8, 2013
3,615
Rayners Lane
I bet calls Wednesday, ‘hump day’.

We had a 'watercooler chat' Zoom session today where I was on the panel as a senior male leading by example and taking shared parental leave for the upcoming birth of my second child [does this make me the bellcheese?!] and as we started the session an ex-army [already makes him a bellcheese in the professional environment in my eyes] chap decides to quip 'Happy HUMP day - guess there've been a few of those during lockdown, which is why we're having this sesh today' joke to the assembled listeners. It was at this point I longed for there to be a tumbleweed emoji on the Zoom reactions panel but alas no.
 




Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
61,750
Location Location
Alternatively if your mouse is optical simply turn the little bugger on it's back like a turtle in the sun and place your watch face down on it. The ticking second hand is enough movement to trigger the cursor.

Life hacks :lolol:

The USB one works a treat though. Managed to watch Judge Rinder and Tin Cup this afternoon (between a few emails). Marvellous.
 


jakarta

Well-known member
May 25, 2007
15,623
Sullington
Now given todays nonsense THIS is a thread that must be bounced on a regular basis.

It obviously is amusing but it also keeps me realising that while self employment and working at home on your own is sometimes a pain, it is infinitely better than the Bell Cheese Offices that I have suffered over the years. :thumbsup:
 


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