Bell Cheeses at work

Iggle Piggle · Jan 27, 2020

Cian said:
The CEOs PA has done a day and a half "health and safety" training course is now starting to argue with both of the actually qualified engineers over what she considers to be "unsafe wiring"

A pile of completely disconnected cables sitting on top of a box nowhere near a plug socket was written up as a "fire hazard" today.

Cables. Bain of my life.

For one customer, they kicked off because the cables we installed were standard x but they insisted that wanted Standard Y installed even though we argued Standard x were in fact safer than y. Despite this and after many months of wrangling, we lost the argument and at great expense, our company travelled the UK changing out perfectly safe and serviceable cables in favour of some which were of lesser quality in one of the most pointless Projects I've seen in 25 years in the game.

Some 2 years later, they agreed that Standard X was in fact better and asked for all future installs to follow that model. They even asked if we'd mind swapping them back. We obviously told them to **** off unless they paid through the nose for it.

Idiots.

Badger · Feb 11, 2020

A woman I used to work with has just shared a job advert on Facebook for a "Customer Success Executive"

I assume being a bell cheese is a prerequisite.

Sirnormangall · Feb 11, 2020

Badger said:
A woman I used to work with has just shared a job advert on Facebook for a "Customer Success Executive"

I assume being a bell cheese is a prerequisite.

Indeed - and so too the person who thought up the job title.

dazzer6666 · Feb 12, 2020

Badger said:
A woman I used to work with has just shared a job advert on Facebook for a "Customer Success Executive"

I assume being a bell cheese is a prerequisite.

Genius. Can you post the ad as well ?

Lower West Stander · Feb 12, 2020

We’ve just had a desk move.

I work in an open plan office with around 200 people on the floor. It was decided to move 80 people because 4 fund managers needed to sit closer to the quant team. Previously it was a good 10 seconds walk to each other’s desks now they sit back to back. That in itself accounts for management bellcheesery.

At the same time we have been give new “efficient” desks. These are half as big as the ones we had previously, obviously take up less space and have little buttons on them to press if you want raise them and work standing up.

Unfortunately our facilities team forgot to check fire regs. Result is we now have a bunch of people cramped into part of the office with punctuated with wide open spaces which we can’t fill because we are already operating with the maximum number of people on the floor.

We can’t upgrade fire escapes as the infrastructure won’t allow it.

Unbelievable incompetence. Still at least I can work standing up now.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Badger · Feb 12, 2020

dazzer6666 said:
Genius. Can you post the ad as well ?

Ooh, I hadn't even clicked on the ad. I'm glad I have though, it's a business bullshit full house.

https://apply.workable.com/futrli/j/D6472E8387/

"We have a hands off online onboarding programme to train them, but your regular contact calls and emails will ensure they stay on track and remain engaged with our products."

South Stand Bonfire · Feb 12, 2020

Badger said:
Ooh, I hadn't even clicked on the ad. I'm glad I have though, it's a business bullshit full house.

https://apply.workable.com/futrli/j/D6472E8387/

"We have a hands off online onboarding programme to train them, but your regular contact calls and emails will ensure they stay on track and remain engaged with our products."

“....shiny Mac book...”

mr_pachaa · Feb 12, 2020

"To protect the revenue within the portfolio you will be delivering excellent customer service"
Good to see there's no other reason to provide good customer service

"identifying any upsell opportunities for the Sales team"
If you do speak to a client, make sure to screw them!

"Experience in a fast-paced working environment and... a proactive approach to your work schedule"
We will treat you like a dog and expect you to work whatever hours we demand

I've never read a job advert I'd like to apply for less, sounds dreadful...

dazzer6666 · Feb 12, 2020

Badger said:
Ooh, I hadn't even clicked on the ad. I'm glad I have though, it's a business bullshit full house.

https://apply.workable.com/futrli/j/D6472E8387/

"We have a hands off online onboarding programme to train them, but your regular contact calls and emails will ensure they stay on track and remain engaged with our products."

Beautiful stuff.......I had a look at their website too. In a new BC departure, they’ve even got a profile of a ****ing DOG on their ‘meet the team’ page. FFS.

https://www.futrli.com/about

Badger · Feb 12, 2020

dazzer6666 said:
Beautiful stuff.......I had a look at their website too. In a new BC departure, they’ve even got a profile of a ****ing DOG on their ‘meet the team’ page. FFS.

https://www.futrli.com/about

"Chief Biscuit Nibbler"

Christ on a BIKE.

This isn't the company I worked for by the way. I've worked in one office with dogs (see my posts from 2014/15) that's enough for me. I do recognise a few people from the photos though. Exactly the people I'd expect to be working there.

dazzer6666 · Feb 12, 2020

Badger said:
"Chief Biscuit Nibbler"

Christ on a BIKE.

This isn't the company I worked for by the way. I've worked in one office with dogs (see my posts from 2014/15) that's enough for me. I do recognise a few people from the photos though. Exactly the people I'd expect to be working there.

Sounding a bit defensive there mate [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

Badger · Feb 12, 2020

dazzer6666 said:
Sounding a bit defensive there mate [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

I'm just relieved I'm not working there :lolol:

dazzer6666 · Feb 12, 2020

Badger said:
I'm just relieved I'm not working there

I could warm feet and eat biscuits......doesn’t sound too bad.

Jim Van Winkle · Feb 12, 2020

Badger said:
Ooh, I hadn't even clicked on the ad. I'm glad I have though, it's a business bullshit full house.

https://apply.workable.com/futrli/j/D6472E8387/

"We have a hands off online onboarding programme to train them, but your regular contact calls and emails will ensure they stay on track and remain engaged with our products."

You had me at ‘move the needle’. Christ. Avoid that place like the plague.

Badger · Feb 12, 2020

dazzer6666 said:
I could warm feet and eat biscuits......doesn’t sound too bad.

Don't underestimate how much I dislike dogs. Especially in an office.

Jim Van Winkle · Feb 12, 2020

dazzer6666 said:
I could warm feet and eat biscuits......doesn’t sound too bad.

A trip to the park at lunch and someone telling you you’re a good boy. Sounds like the life to me.

dazzer6666 · Feb 12, 2020

Badger said:
Don't underestimate how much I dislike dogs. Especially in an office.

Yeah but this is about BEING the dog.......

Badger · Feb 12, 2020

dazzer6666 said:
Yeah but this is about BEING the dog.......

We don't need to hear about your weird fetishes.

happypig · Feb 12, 2020

I bet they have huddles and deep dives.

I'd last about 5 minutes

Barham's tash · Feb 12, 2020

Not so much bellcheesery but a yarn worth telling none the less.

One of our team head’s PAs was tasked with doing the necessary IT service request raising to ADD someone to particular file for access rights purposes.

The guy she’s adding is the numero uno big cheese among our sales guys - manages a portfolio of over $6bln and the most important clients in the business.

Anyway instead of raising the add permissions options she manages to delete his account:

Platform access
Outlook
Security pass

All GONE.

For his clients emailing in they get a bounce back, for internal people looking him up the outlook black cross of death that normally signifies the individual has either left or been let go.

Wonderful day of rumour and conjecture ensues and the best part is it’s going to take days to resolve thanks to bloated bureaucracy of incompetence that our IT function is. Marvellous.

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Bell Cheeses at work

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Who lit that match then?

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Staring at the rude boys

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