Bell Cheeses at work

dazzer6666 · Jun 26, 2018

Barham's tash said:
I’ve been forced to sit through an hour and a half presentation on AGILE.

We’re 40 minutes in and apparently

“It works”

“All companies are embracing this way of working”

Thing is 40 minutes in and I still have NO IDEA what Agile is - other than a set of random 12 principles with such nuggets as:

Simplicity - the art of maximising the amount of work NOT done is essential.

Christ.

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It’s a pile of **** - a smart-arsed way of making ‘getting stuff done quickly and practically using mostly common sense’ sound new that some senior management seem to fall for (to make up for their own shortcomings in being unable to make decisions or manage projects to budgets and deadlines) and spunk 000s on to have some twattish consultant in a shiny suit help them ‘identify sprints to quick wins’ or some such bollocks.

See also ‘six sigma blackbelts’.

timbha · Jun 26, 2018

dazzer6666 said:
It’s a pile of **** - a smart-arsed way of making ‘getting stuff done quickly and practically using mostly common sense’ sound new that some senior management seem to fall for (to make up for their own shortcomings in being unable to make decisions or manage projects to budgets and deadlines) and spunk 000s on to have some twattish consultant in a shiny suit help them ‘identify sprints to quick wins’ or some such bollocks.

See also ‘six sigma blackbelts’.

still on the fence with Agile then?

dazzer6666 · Jun 26, 2018

timbha said:
still on the fence with Agile then?

Yes. Giving it careful consideration and a fair chance to succeed [emoji23][emoji23]

Normal Rob · Jun 26, 2018

Beach Hut said:
A woman has just put "Okey Dokey" in an email - FFS

I quite often put okey dokey into an email. Never come across anyone who was bothered by it. It's a light hearted way of saying yes that could only possibly annoy those who want to be annoyed.

dazzer6666 · Jun 26, 2018

Normal Rob said:
I quite often put okey dokey into an email. Never come across anyone who was bothered by it. It's a light hearted way of saying yes that could only possibly annoy those who want to be annoyed.

Have you identified the bell cheese in your workplace.....?

Psychobilly freakout · Jun 26, 2018

Beach Hut said:
A woman has just put "Okey Dokey" in an email - FFS

That's Tinder for you......

BBassic · Jun 26, 2018

I've recently started a new job and have yet to identify any bellcheeses.

Which obviously only means one damn thing: I am the bellcheese.

dazzer6666 · Jun 26, 2018

BBassic said:
I've recently started a new job and have yet to identify any bellcheeses.

Which obviously only means one damn thing: I am the bellcheese.

Have you put ‘okey dokey’ in any emails yet ?

happypig · Jun 26, 2018

I'm back to my pet hate, offshore helpdesks.
Currently working in Suffolk training some blokes on very old technology. On Friday I booted up my laptop but it wouldn't start so I rang the helpdesk and got through to a lad in the Punjab. At the very start I said to him "I'm sorry but I have hearing problems and being in a big office on a normal phone I might struggle so can you speak slowly and clearly please".
"Okay. Putter putter putter putter putter putter putter putter putter putter putter putter "
"Didn't catch a word of that, can you speak more slowly please"
"Sorry. putter putter putter putter putter putter "

This went on for a while until he said "I will transfer you" (bits of "putter" in there as well).
A minute on hold and I got "Hello my love, are you having trouble ?" with a slight East Anglian accent. She then told me "go to room 22, Mick's expecting you"
When I got back Monday it was waiting or me.

Remind me again, what value do offshore helpdesks provide ?

Oh, and as for Agile, I see it as a reason to f..k off home early with a cheery "I'm flexing myself agile, seeya"

BBassic · Jun 26, 2018

dazzer6666 said:
Have you put ‘okey dokey’ in any emails yet ?

No, though I am partial to an 'okey dokey' in WhatsApp / text messages. It's a slippery slope.

dazzer6666 · Jun 26, 2018

BBassic said:
No, though I am partial to an 'okey dokey' in WhatsApp / text messages. It's a slippery slope.

Uh oh.

Barham's tash · Jun 26, 2018

dazzer6666 said:
It’s a pile of **** - a smart-arsed way of making ‘getting stuff done quickly and practically using mostly common sense’ sound new that some senior management seem to fall for (to make up for their own shortcomings in being unable to make decisions or manage projects to budgets and deadlines) and spunk 000s on to have some twattish consultant in a shiny suit help them ‘identify sprints to quick wins’ or some such bollocks.

See also ‘six sigma blackbelts’.

The “course” was billed as Agile for LEADERS.

I’m tempted to hack the learning plan to Agile for LOSERS.

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Lower West Stander · Jun 26, 2018

BBassic said:
No, though I am partial to an 'okey dokey' in WhatsApp / text messages. It's a slippery slope.

Net net, I think you’re pushing the envelope a bit too far at the margin with this one.....

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Badger · Jun 26, 2018

Lower West Stander said:
Net net, I think you’re pushing the envelope a bit too far at the margin with this one.....

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Going forward, I think we should take this offline and reach out to all the stakeholders. Then we can touch base at close of play on Friday.

Norman Potting · Jun 26, 2018

My heart skips with joy when I see this thread re-appear but then I don't get out much

Cheshire Cat · Jun 26, 2018

Badger said:
Going forward, I think we should take this offline and reach out to all the stakeholders. Then we can touch base at close of play on Friday.

If that is the case, you can all f*** off, because I've just booked Friday off and gone home.

:wave:

SpongebobSquarepants · Jun 26, 2018

I literally have to put up with the idiot youngsters who sit behind me literally saying literally in literally every sentence.
That and the fact they witter on about love island constantly makes putting on headphones literally my only escape.

Today the enormous lesbian just behind me said "I literally shit my pants". No you didn't

Sirnormangall · Jun 27, 2018

Cheshire Cat said:
If that is the case, you can all f*** off, because I've just booked Friday off and gone home.

Well done - management won’t notice your absence on Friday cos they won’t be there!

clapham_gull · Jun 28, 2018

Beach Hut said:
A woman has just put "Okey Dokey" in an email - FFS

best

bh

AmexRuislip · Jul 4, 2018

Not exactly at work, but.........

Those people who use their phones through car speakers, via Bluetooth, especially when they're outside their homes.
So bloody loud!!
They sound like wannabee town criers, can't they just talk normally on the phone instead?
:flounce:

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