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Bell Cheeses at work



Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
12,782
Toronto
I've come to the conclusion that the guy next to me really doesn't do any work. He's got THREE PC monitors and the one which is facing away from me is quite BLATANTLY his "social" monitor which he spends most of the day looking at, watching videos, reading music articles or (most of the time) looking at eBay. A lot of these websites (including eBay) are supposed to be blocked but he's somehow got the override password from IT letting him go to any site he wants, which in itself is a slight security risk. He has spent most of today and yesterday keeping track of the items he's selling, including spending half-an-hour yesterday morning packing up a parcel to be picked up by a courier. I'm amazed the people at reception haven't had a go at him given that he uses them as his personal courier service for sending or receiving parcels, people need things delivered to work occasionally but he really takes the PISS. He picked up a box on Friday and it contained two cheap looking baseball caps.

When he does actually attempt to do any work he's a piss poor software developer. The rest of us always seem to be showing him some very basic things that any self-respecting developer should know inside out. He seems to have absolutely no desire to learn anything new, so he refuses to do work on any of the new(ish) projects that the rest of us have developed because he "doesn't like" how it's been done (i.e. he doesn't understand it and doesn't ever want to). I don't mind people not knowing stuff but if they aren't willing to expand their knowledge then they really are BCs. I honestly don't understand how he's been here for 4 years doing so little.

Of course he's been in the pub for the last hour and a half. Well it is a TUESDAY after all.
 




Nibble

New member
Jan 3, 2007
19,238
I've come to the conclusion that the guy next to me really doesn't do any work. He's got THREE PC monitors and the one which is facing away from me is quite BLATANTLY his "social" monitor which he spends most of the day looking at, watching videos, reading music articles or (most of the time) looking at eBay. A lot of these websites (including eBay) are supposed to be blocked but he's somehow got the override password from IT letting him go to any site he wants, which in itself is a slight security risk. He has spent most of today and yesterday keeping track of the items he's selling, including spending half-an-hour yesterday morning packing up a parcel to be picked up by a courier. I'm amazed the people at reception haven't had a go at him given that he uses them as his personal courier service for sending or receiving parcels, people need things delivered to work occasionally but he really takes the PISS. He picked up a box on Friday and it contained two cheap looking baseball caps.

When he does actually attempt to do any work he's a piss poor software developer. The rest of us always seem to be showing him some very basic things that any self-respecting developer should know inside out. He seems to have absolutely no desire to learn anything new, so he refuses to do work on any of the new(ish) projects that the rest of us have developed because he "doesn't like" how it's been done (i.e. he doesn't understand it and doesn't ever want to). I don't mind people not knowing stuff but if they aren't willing to expand their knowledge then they really are BCs. I honestly don't understand how he's been here for 4 years doing so little.

Of course he's been in the pub for the last hour and a half. Well it is a TUESDAY after all.

Ah, if he continually orders stuff to work he'll probably be expecting something most days. He sounds like he opens them in front of the office? You see where I'm going?

You can choose the name and address of anything you order on Amazon. If you can stand to spend a tenner or so, order him the biggest, blackest dildo you an find.....
 


Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
12,782
Toronto
Ah, if he continually orders stuff to work he'll probably be expecting something most days. He sounds like he opens them in front of the office? You see where I'm going?

You can choose the name and address of anything you order on Amazon. If you can stand to spend a tenner or so, order him the biggest, blackest dildo you an find.....

:lolol: This sounds like something to arrange for next week (my last week here).

Ah he's finally back. The unmistakeable smell of beer breath after a guaranteed THREE pints. Of course he DROVE the 300 METRES from the pub back to the office.
 


seagully

Cock-knobs!
Jun 30, 2006
2,955
Battle
I think I may have come across a new category of Workplace B.C.- please feel free to correct me though. A woman who sits on the row of desks opposite mine is a serial INTERRUPTER. She will INTERRUPT any and all conversations in order to spout some inane b******s about how "her husband has had a similar issue" or "her niece once met a bloke who did that". The worst is when the Irish guy on my team talks about going home to visit family- she is a textbook plastic paddy and JUMPS on the conversation to regale us all with thrilling tales of how she used to visit a little cottage in Galway as a child and which motorways give you the fastest route from the ferry to Dublin.....

The other day we were talking about gun controls in the US (think there had been another shooting in the news). She was on a conference call (speaking to the Dallas office) and interrupted not only our conversation but also her call in order to loudly exclaim that we had better stop talking about the "gun nutty Yanks", as she was on the phone to some of them and they may get upset. Cringeworthy enough if she had just been talking to us, but she also declared this to the entire American audience of her conference call.

:facepalm:
 


Nibble

New member
Jan 3, 2007
19,238
:lolol: This sounds like something to arrange for next week (my last week here).

Ah he's finally back. The unmistakeable smell of beer breath after a guaranteed THREE pints. Of course he DROVE the 300 METRES from the pub back to the office.

Get it ordered! And call the rozzers on him when he leaves the pub at lunchtime. Make your last day at work his WORST day at work ever.
 




anygivensunday

Active member
Jul 5, 2012
175
Singapore
I think I may have come across a new category of Workplace B.C.- please feel free to correct me though. A woman who sits on the row of desks opposite mine is a serial INTERRUPTER. She will INTERRUPT any and all conversations in order to spout some inane b******s about how "her husband has had a similar issue" or "her niece once met a bloke who did that". The worst is when the Irish guy on my team talks about going home to visit family- she is a textbook plastic paddy and JUMPS on the conversation to regale us all with thrilling tales of how she used to visit a little cottage in Galway as a child and which motorways give you the fastest route from the ferry to Dublin.....

The other day we were talking about gun controls in the US (think there had been another shooting in the news). She was on a conference call (speaking to the Dallas office) and interrupted not only our conversation but also her call in order to loudly exclaim that we had better stop talking about the "gun nutty Yanks", as she was on the phone to some of them and they may get upset. Cringeworthy enough if she had just been talking to us, but she also declared this to the entire American audience of her conference call.

:facepalm:

Cnts of the highest order, those types.
 


Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
12,782
Toronto
Get it ordered! And call the rozzers on him when he leaves the pub at lunchtime. Make your last day at work his WORST day at work ever.

I have been tempted to call the cops, I certainly won't leave here without telling him what an IDIOT he is for doing it. He didn't seem to like it on Friday when I called him LAZY for driving such a ridiculously short distance.
 


An error has occurred with a job we sent on Monday, my part in all this was merely to estimate the job, which I hasten to add was done correctly and at a healthy 30% mark up.

It is quite something to see all those involved disappearing up their own arses looking for cover.

I fully expect that within the hour I will somehow become embroiled in the shitstorm that is gaining momentum at a furious rate.
 






thbjenkins

Active member
Mar 12, 2014
154
Lancing
Just seen this on Twitter... It's perfect for this thread...

40a74b79f2f86bf8b382173bef46ccef.jpg
 














Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
12,782
Toronto
Congratulations for making it to the end without going on a hate filled rampage.

I look forward to hearing about a whole new set of bell cheeses at your next role.

Thank you, I'd like to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread for getting me through the tough times. Without this thread I hate to think what I would have done.

I'm off to Toronto to do a Master's degree, I won't be working again until next May :clap2: when I'm sure I'll have some Canadian bell cheeses to report on.
 




Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
12,782
Toronto
Will be keeping an eye on the local news for details of any dog related office incidents in BN1.

The office is in BN8 :thumbsup:

Luckily (for the owner) the ANNOYING dogs haven't been in for a few weeks, in fact there are none at all in my office today.
 


hans kraay fan club

The voice of reason.
Helpful Moderator
Mar 16, 2005
61,345
Chandlers Ford
The office is in BN8 :thumbsup:

Luckily (for the owner) the ANNOYING dogs haven't been in for a few weeks, in fact there are none at all in my office today.

Brother [MENTION=6625]Badger[/MENTION] is FREE. :clap2:



Dog-free here today as well.

Crisps is two days into a two week holiday, which is undeniably a good thing, except that noise machine now has "double the workload" - cue UNPRECEDENTED levels of SIGHING and BUSTLING.
 




Stat Brother

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jul 11, 2003
73,750
West west west Sussex
Sorry people but Heart FM is a fabulous radio station...






...if you've just spent the last 3 hours listening to Smooth FM..

The HIGHLIGHT was Enya warbling Sail Away.
Never have I listened to so much turgid whining dog shite in one morning.

I dream of Heart FM coming in to save me.


Obviously that is of course until someone actually puts that arse cake on.
But hey, for 30 seconds or until someone says something or plays any music Heart FM smashes Smooth FM's back doors in.
 


METALMICKY

Well-known member
Jan 30, 2004
6,080
The office is in BN8 :thumbsup:

Luckily (for the owner) the ANNOYING dogs haven't been in for a few weeks, in fact there are none at all in my office today.

The constant yapping of a CTA called Kimberley must by now be driving people nuts!
 


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