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Bell Cheeses at work



Easy 10

Easy 10

Brain dead MUG SHEEP
Jul 5, 2003
61,772
Location Location
The toilet on our floor only has 2 traps, and I really cannot ABIDE defecating next to someone. The noises and smells of the anonymous “partner in crime” in that kind of proximity really is too much for me to take, so I always descend two floors to enjoy the decadent, spacious luxury of the handicapped toilet on the ground floor.

It truly is LUDICROUSLY large – you could comfortably fit a poorly parked Renault Kangoo in there and still have room to spare. You also have a comfortable armrest on the left, which is perfect for a casual “lean” when having a browse on Twitter (the office wi-fi is still in range 2 floors down, which is quite impressive).

Earlier this year, I went in and a load of tiles had mysteriously fallen off the wall and smashed all over the floor (I have no idea how, or why, but I was not involved). This led to an “OUT OF ORDER” sign being put on the door. Naturally I ignored this sign, as the toilet itself was still in perfect working order. And for about 2 months I was completely free of the mild disappointment (or worry, depending on whether I was in danger of touching cloth) of encountering that door being locked, as seemingly most other patrons stayed away. Marvellous.

One Monday morning I arrived for my daily motions to discover the sign had gone. The tiles had finally been replaced, AND a new loo seat installed to boot. Lovely.
 








The Clamp

The Clamp

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Jan 11, 2016
24,539
West is BEST
Looking for a decent toilet is like looking for a woman. If you leave it too late the only ones left are either filthy or disabled.
 


happypig

happypig

Staring at the rude boys
May 23, 2009
7,972
Eastbourne
I used to work in an office where the top floor was all the directors offices. The cleaners would come round in the evening, including sprucing up the executive kharzis ready for the high flying bottoms the next day. A co-worker, let's call him Keith, seemed to live on a diet of raw sewage and would regularly pop upstairs for a huge download in the morning before the big cheeses had arrived. I think he saw it as playing his small part in the class war.
The snotty email-to-all arrived after a few months.
 




K

knocky1

Well-known member
Jan 20, 2010
12,971
dazzer6666 said:
In our London office there are a few guys who must suffer from some kind if dump-related paranoia. Every day, there is a length of bog roll hung from the top door hinge to cover the gap (about an eighth of an inch maybe) between the door and the frame in most of the cubicles. Why FFS??? I really am not planning on spying on you doing your thing....weird.
Click to expand...

More involved than that. They don't want you talking about the name of Harry Enfield's posh antique shop "I saw you coming" when they get back in the office.
 




Cheshire Cat

Cheshire Cat

The most curious thing..
Nov 4, 2006
11,445
Sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off...
Igzilla said:
My bugbear, and this is witnessed most mornings when I come into the office, is the bellcheese who uses a entire roll of toilet paper, consequently blocking the bog. I simply don't understand why anyone thinks this is an acceptable thing to do. Ditto the bellcheeses who piss all over the seat and don't clean it up, FFS!
Click to expand...
This!!!! It's disgusting, especially when there is a particularly evil floater staring back up at you.... I don't want or need to see a host of scrapings on the blocking paper either - YUK.
 






highflyer

highflyer

Well-known member
Jan 21, 2016
2,435
Blimey. The opportunity to show off all the different words and phrases we know for having a poo at work really does get the overgrown schoolboy element of NSC overexcited doesn't it? Can we maybe get this thread back on track. Maybe start again at the post about cats seeing in 40 colours. THAT was what this thread is supposed to be about.
 






AmexRuislip

AmexRuislip

Trainee Spy 🕵️‍♂️
Feb 2, 2014
33,823
Ruislip
IMG-20161119-WA0001.jpg

Photo shop specialists from Facebook :bla:
 


S

Springal

Well-known member
Feb 12, 2005
23,847
GOSBTS
Carnage at our place of work as we were acquired recently, followed by a quick announcement that half the business was back up for sale.

The office gossips / rumourmongers are loving it / think the world is ending and there is constant emails from the US HQ and calls. During these calls you can ask execs questions, some of the questions are REALLY stupid. Within a week of the announcement (both companies NASDAQ listed..)

1) can I choose what company I work for.

2) when will the other company be sold?

3) what happens with xyz products

4) do our new parent company use Oracle? I've just spent 12 months upgrading our own Oracle and it seems like a waste.

And now everyone locally is either in major arse kiss mode, or telling all and sundry those in the company being re-sold is screwed, better to get on the job market now, all our customers hate us, etc etc
 


dazzer6666

dazzer6666

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Mar 27, 2013
52,496
Burgess Hill
Springal said:
Carnage at our place of work as we were acquired recently, followed by a quick announcement that half the business was back up for sale.

The office gossips / rumourmongers are loving it / think the world is ending and there is constant emails from the US HQ and calls. During these calls you can ask execs questions, some of the questions are REALLY stupid. Within a week of the announcement (both companies NASDAQ listed..)

1) can I choose what company I work for.

2) when will the other company be sold?

3) what happens with xyz products

4) do our new parent company use Oracle? I've just spent 12 months upgrading our own Oracle and it seems like a waste.

And now everyone locally is either in major arse kiss mode, or telling all and sundry those in the company being re-sold is screwed, better to get on the job market now, all our customers hate us, etc etc
Click to expand...

Mergers and acquisitions.......the perfect excuse to do NO WORK

I had an 'all staff' call with my lot at work which just happened to be the week after the Brexit vote. Any questions ?

'What plans have you made for the team for Brexit ?'

'Well, as neither the Government nor the group have any idea what they're going to do, I'm going to leave it a few more days. However Roberto as an EU worker based in the UK I'll probably have to replace you'
 




Bigtomfu

Bigtomfu

New member
Jul 25, 2003
4,416
Harrow
dazzer6666 said:
Mergers and acquisitions.......the perfect excuse to do NO WORK

I had an 'all staff' call with my lot at work which just happened to be the week after the Brexit vote. Any questions ?

'What plans have you made for the team for Brexit ?'

'Well, as neither the Government nor the group have any idea what they're going to do, I'm going to leave it a few more days. However Roberto as an EU worker based in the UK I'll probably have to replace you'
Click to expand...

Excellent.

We currently have tonnes of Brexit/UK ring fence bell cheeses who at the slightest hint of any trouble/issue/rumour immediately claim this wouldn't be happening without Brexit/Ring-fence*


Just waiting for the first PLUM to claim Trump is the reason for said issue.

*separation of retail and investment banking operations designed to limit the systemic risk a la credit crunch
 


dazzer6666

dazzer6666

Well-known member
NSC Patron
Mar 27, 2013
52,496
Burgess Hill
Bigtomfu said:
Excellent.

We currently have tonnes of Brexit/UK ring fence bell cheeses who at the slightest hint of any trouble/issue/rumour immediately claim this wouldn't be happening without Brexit/Ring-fence*


Just waiting for the first PLUM to claim Trump is the reason for said issue.

*separation of retail and investment banking operations designed to limit the systemic risk a la credit crunch
Click to expand...
Haha, was in our New York office this week. Trump already being blamed for people doing f-all.....
 


Igzilla

Igzilla

Well-known member
Sep 27, 2012
1,646
Worthing
Cheshire Cat said:
This!!!! It's disgusting, especially when there is a particularly evil floater staring back up at you.... I don't want or need to see a host of scrapings on the blocking paper either - YUK.
Click to expand...

highflyer said:
Blimey. The opportunity to show off all the different words and phrases we know for having a poo at work really does get the overgrown schoolboy element of NSC overexcited doesn't it? Can we maybe get this thread back on track. Maybe start again at the post about cats seeing in 40 colours. THAT was what this thread is supposed to be about.
Click to expand...

Without wishing to derail the thread, just wanted to say that TWO out of three of the bogs were blocked up with toilet paper this morning. :facepalm: Jesus wept, what is wrong with these people?
 


lawros left foot

lawros left foot

Glory hunting since 1969
Jun 11, 2011
13,727
Worthing
Easy 10 said:
The toilet on our floor only has 2 traps, and I really cannot ABIDE defecating next to someone. The noises and smells of the anonymous “partner in crime” in that kind of proximity really is too much for me to take, so I always descend two floors to enjoy the decadent, spacious luxury of the handicapped toilet on the ground floor.

It truly is LUDICROUSLY large – you could comfortably fit a poorly parked Renault Kangoo in there and still have room to spare. You also have a comfortable armrest on the left, which is perfect for a casual “lean” when having a browse on Twitter (the office wi-fi is still in range 2 floors down, which is quite impressive).

Earlier this year, I went in and a load of tiles had mysteriously fallen off the wall and smashed all over the floor (I have no idea how, or why, but I was not involved). This led to an “OUT OF ORDER” sign being put on the door. Naturally I ignored this sign, as the toilet itself was still in perfect working order. And for about 2 months I was completely free of the mild disappointment (or worry, depending on whether I was in danger of touching cloth) of encountering that door being locked, as seemingly most other patrons stayed away. Marvellous.

One Monday morning I arrived for my daily motions to discover the sign had gone. The tiles had finally been replaced, AND a new loo seat installed to boot. Lovely.
Click to expand...




Living the dream. :bowdown:
 






BHAFC_Pandapops

BHAFC_Pandapops

Citation Needed
Feb 16, 2011
2,844
Hopefully about to leave my workplace but startled by how bad the team I work with are getting.

Manager: saw another company offering a higher salary for the same job, told regional boss that he'd leave our company with no notice if regional boss didn't increase his salary in kind.

Deputy Mgr: making untold errors in all aspects of her job, has been given charge of rotas and fudged that up totally. Half of our team don't know when they're working, so deputy mgr was asked what the problem was and if she needed help. When asked the latter she went nutter butters not liking the fact her authority has been questioned, she'd rather make huge errors than accept the fact someone below her who knows what they're doing.

Team leader: made everyone sure she was the right candidate to 'lead' us/increase sales etc. Her style of leading us is making costly mistakes and then openly telling the team she flaps when under pressure, doesn't know what to do etc, and actually said 'people come in and expect me to know about products we're selling, we're not experts' etc.

Every other sales assistant we've had can't sell anything and will talk themselves out of sales. I did think if the interview process was lacking and recently, I happened to accidentally come across old files while throwing stuff out. Turns out the interview stage cut short to save time, and the bit that was cut was to demonstrate sales proficiency.

It's depressingly toxic.
 


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