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Bell Cheeses at work



TSB

Captain Hindsight
Jul 7, 2003
17,666
Lansdowne Place, Hove
We simply can’t close this thread, because it’s the best one on here. You are however crowned “Thread King” or whatever title you choose. Congratulations (and commiserations obviously. Stay strong)

I always fancied myself as an 'Overlord'.

At least until we find someone who used to work with BG.
 


jonnyrovers

mostly tinpot
Aug 13, 2013
1,181
Shoreham-by-Sea
While showing off about making my spicy chicken & rice lunch from scratch today, a nearby nerd informed me that in order to make anything ‘from scratch’ I would have to have first created the universe.

Zero irony detected.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 


Brian Fantana

Well-known member
Oct 8, 2006
7,202
In the field
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.

We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:

"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"

As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.

"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).

Savage. Absolutely savage :lolol:
 




Beach Hut

Brighton Bhuna Boy
Jul 5, 2003
71,906
Living In a Box
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.

We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:

"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"

As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.

"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).

Savage. Absolutely savage :lolol:

What a ****, seen this happen loads of time previous
 




Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patreon
May 8, 2007
12,750
Toronto
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.

We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:

"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"

As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.

"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).

Savage. Absolutely savage :lolol:

:clap2: :lolol:

I'm guessing what he said was entirely accurate too.
 




Beach Hut

Brighton Bhuna Boy
Jul 5, 2003
71,906
Living In a Box
Talking of bellcheesery just listing to an HR call on bonus payments this year - talk about buzzword bingo........
 




Notters

Well-known member
Oct 20, 2003
24,865
Guiseley
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.

We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:

"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"

As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.

"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).

Savage. Absolutely savage :lolol:

This is what this thread was made for, brilliant stuff. Did the lad get sacked?

I have started a new job so will have one or two stories to tell when I get the chance...
 


Brian Fantana

Well-known member
Oct 8, 2006
7,202
In the field
This is what this thread was made for, brilliant stuff. Did the lad get sacked?

I have started a new job so will have one or two stories to tell when I get the chance...

I actually had to leave to pick up my daughter straight after the call, so I've not yet been updated on the aftermath. I'll report it back when I find out. I'd be VERY surprised if I see him in the office on Monday though.
 


Guinness Boy

Tofu eating wokerati
Helpful Moderator
NSC Patreon
Jul 23, 2003
33,821
Up and Coming Sunny Portslade
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.

We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:

"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"

As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.

"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).

Savage. Absolutely savage :lolol:

Well played. That's made my Friday.
 




dazzer6666

Well-known member
NSC Patreon
Mar 27, 2013
52,020
Burgess Hill
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.

We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:

"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"

As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.

"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).

Savage. Absolutely savage :lolol:

There but for the grace of God.......I always ask a test ‘can you hear me ?’ after putting a call on mute. So easily done......

Had a VC recently where one of the girls was working from home, and forgot she had all her underwear on a clothes dryer behind her [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]
 


AmexRuislip

Trainee Spy 🕵️‍♂️
Feb 2, 2014
33,727
Ruislip
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.

We've just had a bit of a restructure at our company, which has now been completed pretty much. In order for one of the new functional directors to introduce himself to his new team, a mass conference call was arranged for this morning. The usual sort of nonsense: the director gives a very rallying speech and there's a time for a Q&A at the end etc etc. I was sitting in a room with a couple of the guys in my team and we dialled in to listen. Unfortunately, one of the junior lads on my team who had dialled us into the call forgot to put our phone on mute. Always being nervous about the whole mute function thing, I NEVER risk saying anything when listening on a call. Sadly, the junior lad doesn't have the same level of nous. About 10 minutes into the director's rambling address, he turned to one of other guys and said:

"F**k me, this guy could bore the paint off a wall. Why on earth did they get rid of X and bring him in instead? His voice makes me want to top myself. Can you imagine having to report directly to him?"

As he was saying this, I immediately looked at the phone to see if the red mute button was illuminated. I think the look on my face was enough for the penny to drop for the poor lad. That, and the fact that the director had suddenly gone silent. There was an excruciating pause on all sides for about 10 seconds before a callous colleague decided to well and truly drop the lad in it.

"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).

Savage. Absolutely savage :lolol:

Brilliant :thumbsup:
 






Perry Milkins

Just a quiet guy.
Aug 10, 2007
6,146
Ardingly
Polish girl working in my team.

Quite a knobbish Director who sits adjacent to her was having an issue with his chair in that the recline lever kept failing such that he was inclined to jerk backwards. It was getting to him and he engaged himself in a battle to get the lever to stick. This resulted in him wobbling to and fro whilst gripping the lever.

Polish girl was watching and after a minute or so loudly proclaimed " oh Jonathan keep going like that and I am sure you will ejaculate soon".

She has meant to use the term 'eject' as if he were in an ejector seat.

Created quite a lot of sniggering and chortling.
 


Greg Bobkin

Silver Seagull
May 22, 2012
14,747
This thread is fantastic – I was reminded of it from the 'One thing about NSC' one and thought I'd already contributed, but clearly not.

My experience is not anywhere in the league of some of the tales on here, but I hope you'll agree that the sight of a Palace fan turning up for work in FULL CPFC kit (including football boots) on MORE THAN ONE OCCASION, is Bellcheesy enough to make the grade. He wasn't quite the ticket this lad, so thought nothing of wandering around the place, dodging work and generally annoying people with his antics – and polluting people's vision with the sight of those red and blue stripes! Amazingly he stayed in his admin job (and then got another one in sales) for years, until he left because he had to go on the run for some reason (I honestly can't remember what now). Anyway, last I heard he was re-selling old bed linen from hotels and doing very well for himself. Mind you, he always was full of BS...
 


Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patreon
May 8, 2007
12,750
Toronto
Just overheard an interesting conversation between one of the HR women and a guy who manages a team which sits near me. It was one of those "secret" conversations where they try to whisper to each other, oblivious to the fact anyone within 10 metres can hear almost everything they're saying. Anyway, it transpires someone in this guy's team has misbehaved and been given his marching orders. They didn't discuss the details but it appears he was caught getting intimate with a female colleague in the office. I feel I need to do some digging to find out who is involved and exactly what happened. I'm wondering whether both of them are being kicked out, or if perhaps the intimacy wasn't reciprocated....
 


Petee

Well-known member
Nov 22, 2010
3,031
Brighton
Polish girl working in my team.

Quite a knobbish Director who sits adjacent to her was having an issue with his chair in that the recline lever kept failing such that he was inclined to jerk backwards. It was getting to him and he engaged himself in a battle to get the lever to stick. This resulted in him wobbling to and fro whilst gripping the lever.

Polish girl was watching and after a minute or so loudly proclaimed " oh Jonathan keep going like that and I am sure you will ejaculate soon".

She has meant to use the term 'eject' as if he were in an ejector seat.

Created quite a lot of sniggering and chortling.

She definitely meant ejaculate. The 'eject' part has cover story written all over it as she realised what she said
 




Barham's tash

Well-known member
Jun 8, 2013
3,612
Rayners Lane
There but for the grace of God.......I always ask a test ‘can you hear me ?’ after putting a call on mute. So easily done......

Had a VC recently where one of the girls was working from home, and forgot she had all her underwear on a clothes dryer behind her [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

Had someone VC in from the Philippines on Thursday - he used to work in London but since schtupping one of the locals and becoming a daddy he put in for a transfer (a whole other story) - he must have forgotten he was on VC rather than just called in.

Half way through the call he proceeded to drink and down a glistening two litre bottle of water. The VC aspect was bad enough but he hadn’t muted his line. Sounded like that scene from the Naked Gun where Frank Drebbin goes for a slash with the radio mike on....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 


TheJasperCo

Well-known member
Jan 20, 2012
4,590
Exeter
Absolutely textbook bellcheesery alert.

...

"Whoever just said that, we can hear you. It might be a good idea to learn how to use the mute button, CHARLES" (there's only one lad with that name in our team).

Savage. Absolutely savage :lolol:

Ladies and gents, I give you the next King of England.
 



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