Bell Cheeses at work

Easy 10 said:

I’m sorry to announce, we appear to have employed a hipster.

He has a beard (natch). He often wears red trousers to work (and we’re talking bright postbox-red here), braces to hold them up, and sandals, which he often takes off at his desk to go completely barefoot. Worst of all - I’m not kidding - he has introduced a compost bin to the office kitchen. There’s a sign on the side of it saying “Compo’s compost welcomes tea bags, fruit peel, veg, salad, coffee granules, loo rolls”. On the lid of the bin is another sign saying “Dear Cleaners, no need to do anything with this, we will empty it out once a week ourselves! Compo”.

As the organic detritus builds up through the week, the smell when someone opens the lid and puts something in is almost indescribable. When the lid is then dropped down, a warm, pungent waft is released into the kitchen and hangs in the air like a cloying fug that catches the back of the throat. The odour is something akin to how it would smell if you doused the rotting head of a dead penguin in worcester sauce, rolled it in piss, and left it in a breadbin for a month.

I’m trying to think of a way to sabotage it so we can get rid once and for all. Next time I stay late, I might just plant a big old douglas in it.

Click to expand...

Easy 10 said:

I’m sorry to announce, we appear to have employed a hipster.

I might just plant a big old douglas in it.

Click to expand...

Easy 10 said:

I’m sorry to announce, we appear to have employed a hipster.

He has a beard (natch). He often wears red trousers to work (and we’re talking bright postbox-red here), braces to hold them up, and sandals, which he often takes off at his desk to go completely barefoot. Worst of all - I’m not kidding - he has introduced a compost bin to the office kitchen. There’s a sign on the side of it saying “Compo’s compost welcomes tea bags, fruit peel, veg, salad, coffee granules, loo rolls”. On the lid of the bin is another sign saying “Dear Cleaners, no need to do anything with this, we will empty it out once a week ourselves! Compo”.

As the organic detritus builds up through the week, the smell when someone opens the lid and puts something in is almost indescribable. When the lid is then dropped down, a warm, pungent waft is released into the kitchen and hangs in the air like a cloying fug that catches the back of the throat. The odour is something akin to how it would smell if you doused the rotting head of a dead penguin in worcester sauce, rolled it in piss, and left it in a breadbin for a month.

I’m trying to think of a way to sabotage it so we can get rid once and for all. Next time I stay late, I might just plant a big old douglas in it.

Click to expand...

Brian Fantana said:

Having had the pleasure of not having to contribute to this thread for a while, which has been both a blessing and a curse, I've now got cause to jump in again.

Following the resurgence of popularity of football with England's success in the WC, there's now an inordinate amount of BCAW who have become overnight EXPERTS in virtually every facet of the game. It was vaguely endearing for the first few days, but it's now reached the point where I wish they'd just JOG ON.

A classic case in point was yesterday in one of the kitchens on our floor. I mooched in after lunch to make a coffee and found two of the new 'converts' eagerly discussing the upcoming season. They were genuinely deciding which team they were going to support. The general conclusion was that it would be much more fun if they each chose a different team to support, because then they always be able to have some 'great banter' on a Monday morning.

Not wanting to jump in and immediately call them tossers, I allowed this procession of nonsense to continue - actually harboring a weird interest in what reasoning would be used to determine who to support for ever more. Bell Cheese A decided on Liverpool, based on a combination of loving The Beatles and ' that Tunisian guy with the long hair who everyone seemed to be singing about' (some questioning led to the conclusion that he meant Salah). Bell Cheese B plumped for Newcastle, because he had been on a really great stag night there once, and had really gotten along with the locals (quick clarification, having lived in the North East for a fair while, most locals think the majority of the stag and hen parties are *****).

So, with their teams set for life, they seemed pretty happy to move on and enjoy a lifetime of fulfillment. They were busily chatting about where they'd watch the matches between Newcastle and Liverpool, and whether or not they'd be able to get tickets in the respective home/away ends for each game.

Having angrily stirred my coffee to the point where there was basically nothing left in the cup, I had to jump in and ask a couple of questions. Number one was what happened if either team, but most likely Newcastle, got relegated? Blank stares greeted me. Silence followed. And then it dawned on me - they had zero idea what this meant. I then explained the concept, and was met with further confusion. Both had been under the impression that the Premier League operated on the same basis as top level US sport. Once this has been explained, both simply said that they would choose another team if theirs dropped out of the league, and seemed perfectly happy with this logical decision.

Christ. On. A. Bike.

Click to expand...

Brian Fantana said:

Having had the pleasure of not having to contribute to this thread for a while, which has been both a blessing and a curse, I've now got cause to jump in again.

Following the resurgence of popularity of football with England's success in the WC, there's now an inordinate amount of BCAW who have become overnight EXPERTS in virtually every facet of the game. It was vaguely endearing for the first few days, but it's now reached the point where I wish they'd just JOG ON.

A classic case in point was yesterday in one of the kitchens on our floor. I mooched in after lunch to make a coffee and found two of the new 'converts' eagerly discussing the upcoming season. They were genuinely deciding which team they were going to support. The general conclusion was that it would be much more fun if they each chose a different team to support, because then they always be able to have some 'great banter' on a Monday morning.

Not wanting to jump in and immediately call them tossers, I allowed this procession of nonsense to continue - actually harboring a weird interest in what reasoning would be used to determine who to support for ever more. Bell Cheese A decided on Liverpool, based on a combination of loving The Beatles and ' that Tunisian guy with the long hair who everyone seemed to be singing about' (some questioning led to the conclusion that he meant Salah). Bell Cheese B plumped for Newcastle, because he had been on a really great stag night there once, and had really gotten along with the locals (quick clarification, having lived in the North East for a fair while, most locals think the majority of the stag and hen parties are *****).

So, with their teams set for life, they seemed pretty happy to move on and enjoy a lifetime of fulfillment. They were busily chatting about where they'd watch the matches between Newcastle and Liverpool, and whether or not they'd be able to get tickets in the respective home/away ends for each game.

Having angrily stirred my coffee to the point where there was basically nothing left in the cup, I had to jump in and ask a couple of questions. Number one was what happened if either team, but most likely Newcastle, got relegated? Blank stares greeted me. Silence followed. And then it dawned on me - they had zero idea what this meant. I then explained the concept, and was met with further confusion. Both had been under the impression that the Premier League operated on the same basis as top level US sport. Once this has been explained, both simply said that they would choose another team if theirs dropped out of the league, and seemed perfectly happy with this logical decision.

Christ. On. A. Bike.

Click to expand...

Farehamseagull said:

What country do you work in out of interest?

Click to expand...

Farehamseagull said:

What country do you work in out of interest?

My experience of Bell Cheesery this week is not as funny as previous examples but equally annoying to me. One of my incredibly irritating members of staff booked two weeks off starting next week a few months ago, all fine. She's not booked a holiday or anything, just taking time off which is fair enough. Her husband is a teacher so off for the six weeks aswell. Anyway, due to various circumstances in the office out of everybody's control - long term sickness, marriage break up, new member of staff already having a holiday paid for then - we're unexpectedly going to now be hugely short staffed one of her two weeks booked off. Anyway, for-seeing this a few weeks ago I asked her if there was anyway she could put off her two week break by a week to help cover as it is going to be a hugely difficult week for us now, I even offered her an extra couple of paid days off as a thank you. I don't think I was being unreasonable and believe me, she has a great job, very well paid with a lot of perks working the hours she wants for an independent, family company. She is very well looked after including a fully paid up trip to Ascot last week. Anyway, she was adamant she couldn't possibly change as that is the two weeks her and her husband had planned she would have off, despite NOT having anything planned or holiday booked. She made me feel quite bad for even asking and clearly didn't want to help the company at all.

Anyway as it turns out, she has had some problems with a house move and came up to me yesterday to say bold as brass she would like to cancel some of her holiday next week and swap it for some time in September as she doesn't have any time off left. Despite the fact I've had to already turn away some business next week and make contingency plans for lack of staffing which has proven a massive pain in the arse. When I said I didn't think she could change her holiday she mumbled something about a change of plans. Anyway, I'm going to allow it as I'm not a total tosser and it will help us out in the long run but I might string it out a bit.

Click to expand...

Brian Fantana said:

Having had the pleasure of not having to contribute to this thread for a while, which has been both a blessing and a curse, I've now got cause to jump in again.

Following the resurgence of popularity of football with England's success in the WC, there's now an inordinate amount of BCAW who have become overnight EXPERTS in virtually every facet of the game. It was vaguely endearing for the first few days, but it's now reached the point where I wish they'd just JOG ON.

A classic case in point was yesterday in one of the kitchens on our floor. I mooched in after lunch to make a coffee and found two of the new 'converts' eagerly discussing the upcoming season. They were genuinely deciding which team they were going to support. The general conclusion was that it would be much more fun if they each chose a different team to support, because then they always be able to have some 'great banter' on a Monday morning.

Not wanting to jump in and immediately call them tossers, I allowed this procession of nonsense to continue - actually harboring a weird interest in what reasoning would be used to determine who to support for ever more. Bell Cheese A decided on Liverpool, based on a combination of loving The Beatles and ' that Tunisian guy with the long hair who everyone seemed to be singing about' (some questioning led to the conclusion that he meant Salah). Bell Cheese B plumped for Newcastle, because he had been on a really great stag night there once, and had really gotten along with the locals (quick clarification, having lived in the North East for a fair while, most locals think the majority of the stag and hen parties are *****).

So, with their teams set for life, they seemed pretty happy to move on and enjoy a lifetime of fulfillment. They were busily chatting about where they'd watch the matches between Newcastle and Liverpool, and whether or not they'd be able to get tickets in the respective home/away ends for each game.

Having angrily stirred my coffee to the point where there was basically nothing left in the cup, I had to jump in and ask a couple of questions. Number one was what happened if either team, but most likely Newcastle, got relegated? Blank stares greeted me. Silence followed. And then it dawned on me - they had zero idea what this meant. I then explained the concept, and was met with further confusion. Both had been under the impression that the Premier League operated on the same basis as top level US sport. Once this has been explained, both simply said that they would choose another team if theirs dropped out of the league, and seemed perfectly happy with this logical decision.

Christ. On. A. Bike.

Click to expand...

Brian Fantana said:

Having had the pleasure of not having to contribute to this thread for a while, which has been both a blessing and a curse, I've now got cause to jump in again.

Following the resurgence of popularity of football with England's success in the WC, there's now an inordinate amount of BCAW who have become overnight EXPERTS in virtually every facet of the game. It was vaguely endearing for the first few days, but it's now reached the point where I wish they'd just JOG ON.

A classic case in point was yesterday in one of the kitchens on our floor. I mooched in after lunch to make a coffee and found two of the new 'converts' eagerly discussing the upcoming season. They were genuinely deciding which team they were going to support. The general conclusion was that it would be much more fun if they each chose a different team to support, because then they always be able to have some 'great banter' on a Monday morning.

Not wanting to jump in and immediately call them tossers, I allowed this procession of nonsense to continue - actually harboring a weird interest in what reasoning would be used to determine who to support for ever more. Bell Cheese A decided on Liverpool, based on a combination of loving The Beatles and ' that Tunisian guy with the long hair who everyone seemed to be singing about' (some questioning led to the conclusion that he meant Salah). Bell Cheese B plumped for Newcastle, because he had been on a really great stag night there once, and had really gotten along with the locals (quick clarification, having lived in the North East for a fair while, most locals think the majority of the stag and hen parties are *****).

So, with their teams set for life, they seemed pretty happy to move on and enjoy a lifetime of fulfillment. They were busily chatting about where they'd watch the matches between Newcastle and Liverpool, and whether or not they'd be able to get tickets in the respective home/away ends for each game.

Having angrily stirred my coffee to the point where there was basically nothing left in the cup, I had to jump in and ask a couple of questions. Number one was what happened if either team, but most likely Newcastle, got relegated? Blank stares greeted me. Silence followed. And then it dawned on me - they had zero idea what this meant. I then explained the concept, and was met with further confusion. Both had been under the impression that the Premier League operated on the same basis as top level US sport. Once this has been explained, both simply said that they would choose another team if theirs dropped out of the league, and seemed perfectly happy with this logical decision.

Christ. On. A. Bike.

Click to expand...

sydney said:

but along with great banter they also get free education , free health care and a free house ................why T F are they bothered about what team to support ...

Click to expand...

sydney said:

"one of the kitchens on our floor" you lost me there .....zzzzzzzzz

Click to expand...

Brian Fantana said:

It's fairly simple to understand. An office which has multiple staff kitchens on each floor.

Click to expand...

hans kraay fan club said:

Genuinely, I have absolutely no idea at all, what point you are making, typing that reply to the post in question?

What do you mean?

Click to expand...

TSB said:

Wild stab in the dark: he'd made the (likely incorrect) assumption that because they didn't already have a team to support, that implies that they are foreign.
Just a guess given his usual agenda.

Click to expand...

sydney said:

snigger ....my usual agenda...

Click to expand...

sydney said:

snigger ....my usual agenda...

Click to expand...

The Clamp said:

I think he means your usual, tiresome, right wing, xenophobic agenda. But I don't want to put words in his mouth.[/QUOTE}

arse biscuits

Click to expand...