Son getting bullied at school

happypig · Feb 7, 2013

Don't be afraid to escalate your complaint if you don't get action from the head; the next step would be to complain to the chair of governors and if that doesn't get a result, write to the clerk of the governors requesting it be referred to the DofE. always copy those in the chain "below" in on the letters.
I've also heard, anecdotally, that threatening to withdraw them and home school them can galvanise them into action.

I've had to complain twice to my boy's current school and on both occasions they mysteriously "lost" the initial letter. The first occasion my boy was threatened with a pair of scissors and told he would be stabbed; My first reaction was to find the kid and shit him up with a Crocodile Dundee quote and a diving knife but I calmend down and wrote to the school. I heard nothing so a week later I wrote again and told them I intended to refer the matter to the police as they seemed unable to deal with it. Funnily enough they were suddenly on it like a tramp on a bag of chips.

BadFish · Feb 7, 2013

bushy said:
Its nothing to do with the school when you turn up on the said parent's front doorstep, for your guide it happened to my son, kid 2 years older was picking on my son, making his life a misery, the school were very good , but it carried on out of school, I went and saw his old man, who to be fair , made the right noises, but I'm quite sure my general demeanour left little room for misunderstanding , badfish , you can spout the mantra that " violence solves nothing ", unfortunately, in some cases , it does.

Fair point Bushy. But it would be my last resort and something i would only consider after other avenues were exhausted. It is more about giving your kids useful strategies to deal with the situations they face in life. Going round to the kids house and shouting the odds is not going to be useful for him as he isn't fighter (just like his dad). There are other ways to deal with these problems. Sad thing is i will probably need all of them as he is going to be a target for bullying as he gets older.

Maybe some martial arts lessons are in order.

User removed 4 · Feb 7, 2013

BadFish said:
Fair point Bushy. But it would be my last resort and something i would only consider after other avenues were exhausted. It is more about giving your kids useful strategies to deal with the situations they face in life. Going round to the kids house and shouting the odds is not going to be useful for him as he isn't fighter (just like his dad). There are other ways to deal with these problems. Sad thing is i will probably need all of them as he is going to be a target for bullying as he gets older.

Maybe some martial arts lessons are in order.

As it was mine mate as well, I take my son boxing for a bit of confidence, he loves it , but hasnt actually sparred yet, not sure if i want to watch that !

bluenitsuj · Feb 7, 2013

Go to the head. If it still happens then insist the bullies are expelled or the school may find itself getting some media coverage. I have heard a lot of stories where it is the bullied child that has to end up leaving and the bullies get to carry on as normal.
Totally unfair but unfortunately that is what tool old England has become.

marshy68 · Feb 7, 2013

Eaglesdestroyseagulls said:
FOUR FFS, and I thought schools in London were meant to be bad. Are you really sure its bullying? im not even sure that four year olds are capable of bullying. But if you feel they are and you get nowhere with the school then chat with the parents. My son was getting picked on in his secondary school last year and I had to get hold of one of the boys dads and explain that everytime my son got hurt he would be off work for at least a fortnight. That worked wonders but these are only four year olds

are you obsessed with NSC - come out of the closet get yourself a season ticket and admit your love for all things Albion or feck off to BBS.

Berty23 · Feb 7, 2013

I spoke to his teacher this morning and she was great. She gave me a list of things they are going to do today and she has promised to give me a call later. There was absolutely no denial tere was a problem and she was shocked he was being targeted because she thought he was popular. Sadly it seems this has all been triggered by his award for his reading a couple of weeks ago. Apparently something similar happened to a different boy when he got one. I did feel assured she would deal with it and my son promised to tell me or his teacher if anything happened.

The really odd thing was talking to his teacher I nearly started crying. You can't imagine how hard something like this is. Fingers crossed it will be sorted.

Thanks all

Berty

Neecha · Feb 7, 2013

I would try and speak to the parents of the kids after school if all else fails. They may need to know whats going on themselves

CheeseRolls · Feb 7, 2013

Berty23 said:
I spoke to his teacher this morning and she was great. She gave me a list of things they are going to do today and she has promised to give me a call later. There was absolutely no denial tere was a problem and she was shocked he was being targeted because she thought he was popular. Sadly it seems this has all been triggered by his award for his reading a couple of weeks ago. Apparently something similar happened to a different boy when he got one. I did feel assured she would deal with it and my son promised to tell me or his teacher if anything happened.

The really odd thing was talking to his teacher I nearly started crying. You can't imagine how hard something like this is. Fingers crossed it will be sorted.

Thanks all

Berty

Berty you have a little boy who is struggling in a situation you feel you can not protect him from. You are doing the right things, but one more piece of advice, try not to let your boy sense how anxious you are about this. I would also try to speak to the parent of the other child who was picked on, there may be an ally there.

upthealbion1970 · Feb 7, 2013

Berty23 said:
I spoke to his teacher this morning and she was great. She gave me a list of things they are going to do today and she has promised to give me a call later. There was absolutely no denial tere was a problem and she was shocked he was being targeted because she thought he was popular. Sadly it seems this has all been triggered by his award for his reading a couple of weeks ago. Apparently something similar happened to a different boy when he got one. I did feel assured she would deal with it and my son promised to tell me or his teacher if anything happened.

The really odd thing was talking to his teacher I nearly started crying. You can't imagine how hard something like this is. Fingers crossed it will be sorted.

Thanks all

Berty

Hope he has a better day today :thumbsup:

BadFish · Feb 7, 2013

Berty23 said:
I spoke to his teacher this morning and she was great. She gave me a list of things they are going to do today and she has promised to give me a call later. There was absolutely no denial tere was a problem and she was shocked he was being targeted because she thought he was popular. Sadly it seems this has all been triggered by his award for his reading a couple of weeks ago. Apparently something similar happened to a different boy when he got one. I did feel assured she would deal with it and my son promised to tell me or his teacher if anything happened.

The really odd thing was talking to his teacher I nearly started crying. You can't imagine how hard something like this is. Fingers crossed it will be sorted.

Thanks all

Berty

Glad to hear the teacher is doing something about it and the school has an action plan. It is worth remembering that teachers care about their students a great deal and will do what they can to help (obviously their are ones that don't fit this description). The hardest thing for teachers is that kids are good at hiding things and we don't know everything that happens. Keep her informed and tell you boy to tell her or you of everything that happens (keeping records is a good idea too). If it keeps happening then the head should be bought in and things should be taken further.

EDS · Feb 7, 2013

marshy68 said:
are you obsessed with NSC - come out of the closet get yourself a season ticket and admit your love for all things Albion or feck off to BBS.

No not obsessed but I do like it as a forum, you always get a good mix of views on football and non footballing issues. You also get a decent laugh sometimes as well.
You also hear some intelligent grown up views as well, but you wouldnt know about that.

Tyrone Biggums · Feb 7, 2013

Teach him to do this...

T soprano · Feb 7, 2013

Eaglesdestroyseagulls said:
No not obsessed but I do like it as a forum, you always get a good mix of views on football and non footballing issues. You also get a decent laugh sometimes as well.
You also hear some intelligent grown up views as well, but you wouldnt know about that.

You're getting a fair share of stick today mate, on this thread and being Called SHIT BOY on another thread ( I think you're being bullied for being a palace fan ) :lolol:

EDS · Feb 7, 2013

T soprano said:
You're getting a fair share of stick today mate, on this thread and being Called SHIT BOY on another thread ( I think you're being bullied for being a palace fan )

- - - Updated - - -

T soprano said:
You're getting a fair share of stick today mate, on this thread and being Called SHIT BOY on another thread ( I think you're being bullied for being a palace fan )

mejonaNO12 aka riskit · Feb 7, 2013

I would suggest spending about £500 and loading him up with Premier League SHINY stickers.

He will be the absolute DON as he strolls around with his CANTONA'S and SHEARER'S glistening in the February sun.

If you have the shinies, you are POPULAR.

glasfryn · Feb 7, 2013

my daughter spent some years being bullied by girls and boys same age as her but all bigger (my daughter is very small) and my take with her when she complained was to fight back and even if you only get one good hit in then take a beating it would be the last time it happened
Eventually she was picked on by one of the bullies and my daughter went ape shit and we were called down to the school with everyone in the office other girl twice the size of our daughter and both the other parents being very aggressive.
I started laughing hysterically at the head teacher who seemed to think it was very serious that my daughter who given the other girl a bloody nose and a black eye until I pointed out that what was serious is the fact that the school had allowed the other bullies to get away with bullying a girl half their size and also that if it continued my daughter would protect herself as it seemed the teachers and other staff were incapable of doing so

my daughter spent the last 3 years at that same school without any more problems

and that girl and my daughter some 30 years on are very good friends

GingerBeerMan · Feb 7, 2013

mejonaNO12 aka riskit said:
I would suggest spending about £500 and loading him up with Premier League SHINY stickers.

He will be the absolute DON as he strolls around with his CANTONA'S and SHEARER'S glistening in the February sun.

If you have the shinies, you are POPULAR.

Back in my day the cool thing to have was GEL PENS. Especially if they were the SMELLY ones.

mejonaNO12 aka riskit · Feb 7, 2013

GingerBeerMan said:
Back in my day the cool thing to have was GEL PENS. Especially if they were the SMELLY ones.

I sense a new thread coming on. "What was COOL when you were at SKOOL".

I remember in primary school there being a phase of (and this is the best way I can describe it) COLLECTABLE photos. Eg there was ones of footballers were it would be a photo like piece of card (like when you have a photo developed) with the picture of the footballer and his shirt number. I think it was an attempt to beat the footy stickers but they won through.

I remember having about 20 Paul Parkers and crying to my mum. I then went to Asda with her and got THE number 1 sticker. a SHINY premier league badge to go on the first page. Seriously, I was commanding big money for that on the playground. £3, maybe even £4.

father_and_son · Feb 7, 2013

Berty23 said:
I spoke to his teacher this morning and she was great. She gave me a list of things they are going to do today and she has promised to give me a call later. There was absolutely no denial tere was a problem and she was shocked he was being targeted because she thought he was popular. Sadly it seems this has all been triggered by his award for his reading a couple of weeks ago. Apparently something similar happened to a different boy when he got one. I did feel assured she would deal with it and my son promised to tell me or his teacher if anything happened.

The really odd thing was talking to his teacher I nearly started crying. You can't imagine how hard something like this is. Fingers crossed it will be sorted.

Thanks all

Berty

Glad this seems to be taking a positive direction.

Every parent's worse nightmare is watching their child struggle with something like this and not being able to just step in there and stop it immediately.

To re-iterate some of the previous posters, IMHO the best long term 'cure' for a kid being bullied is martial arts. My 9yo does mixed martial arts and has done for about 18m now. It is great for them to have the confidence that, should something happen, they "know what to do". Its not that a 9yo yellow belt can actually do anything worthwhile in a "street fight", but just exuding the confidence is enough to keep them safe in most instances.

I'm sure you have a MMA school locally that would be happy to let you son try it out for a lesson or two.

Nibble · Feb 7, 2013

There is and only ever has been one way to get bully's off your back, regardless of age. You need to teach your boy to stand up for himself and do it soon before this permanently affects his confidence.

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