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  1. #41
    A different kind of pasty pasty's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Easy 10 View Post
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    The toilets on our floor consist of Trap 1 and Trap 2, no urinal. I simply refuse to shit in there. I'll go in there for a jimmy, but I simply cannot BEAR defecating directly next to someone, or risking someone entering the trap next to me whilst I am embroiled mid-cack. The plop-plop noises are bad enough when they are someone elses, but I cannot begin to imagine the horror if they were my own, quite apart from the smell.
    We also have only T1 and T2 available, however their location is quite a way from my desk (which can prove tricky but thats another story) and there are at least 4 circuitous routes back to my desk available to me. With that in mind, when someone else enters AFTER I have secured myself into T1, I positively RELISH the complete opposite action to your good self, and take great enjoyment in making as much plop plop noise as is humanly possible whilst creating a stench, safe in the knowledge that my identity will remain secret. Mwah ha ha ha ha
    And coming on for Manchester United, Zlatan Ibrahimović
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    • #42
      Legal Alien tedebear's Avatar
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      Why is it when men drop a nasal burner there is much high fiving and guffaw's but when women do it we become dirty?

      My son can burn the hairs of the inside of your nasal passages but that is met with pride by my husband, whereas if I dare to even squeak they all roll about in deathly throws and de-camp to the workshop til it subsides...
      Yes I'm bored...
    • #43
      I hate Palarse
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      Quote Originally Posted by El Presidente View Post
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      I had an invite to our new 80 million office today, although its official opening date is a few months away thought I would christen the cistern.

      Imagine my dismay when I got to the building, having baked one all morning, when I was asked to give a 30 minute presentation to a bunch of colleagues about the new AV equipment that has been installed.

      I was hopping from foot to foot for the last dozen slides, and then after a somewhat strangled "Are there any questions" I bombed out of the room before anyone could raise a hand.

      Further panic ensued when I realised that I didn't actually KNOW where the bogs were, and as the building is not yet complete, they have not yet put the toilet signs on the rooms. I was diving in and out of offices, stationery cupboards and God knows what until eventually I found a bog (not sure if it was male or female), sat down to unleash a logjam, which was now so old it had FUR growing on it. Felt suitably proud of myself, and then realised that because the building is not officially open there was no BOGROLL.

      It was a suitably uncomfortable journey home, as there are a few winnits clinging on to my hairy Irish arse, and as soon as I got home I put my undercrackers straight into the washing machine on a BOIL wash, to remove the crocodile skiis that are lining my Calvin Kleins.

      I am sure there is a moral to this tale, but not sure what it is.
      I think you've trumped Easy 10's anecdote with this post. I had tears of laughter rolling down my face while reading it.
    • #44

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      Quote Originally Posted by Barrel of Fun View Post
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      I could have beckoned over the hearing dog and trodden on his paw, I guess.
      What the F is a 'hearing dog'?
    • #45
      Members grubbyhands's Avatar
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      I worry about anyone who wants to christen the CISTERN
    • #46
      The oldest known computer
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      Whoever smelt it, dealt it.
    • #47
      Legal Alien tedebear's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by The Antikythera Mechanism View Post
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      Whoever smelt it, dealt it.
      He who said the rhyme, did the crime!
      Yes I'm bored...
    • #48
      Egg Dr. Notthenineo'clocknews's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Dirk Gently View Post
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      Farting in a lift is just wrong on so many levels.
      another
    • #49
      Members spongy's Avatar
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      My missus does the most vile, evil, nose curling farts I've ever known.

      Monday night we both both asleep, it was 2.36 and I was disturbed from a deep sleep, I didn't know what caused me to wake up, didn't remember hearing a bang or noise and then the smell hit me properly. When I say smell, I mean it REALLY stank

      It was so bad I had to get up and unload half a canister of febreze into the room. Even after spraying it smelt of a mix of fart and air freshener.

      The noise of the aerosol stirred her, she turned over and fell back asleep not knowing what was happening.

      I ended up leaving the room for 20 mins then going back to bed, I'm considering shoving a butt plug up her arse to stop her but I think the back pressure could cause the plug to fail and for it to be shot out at such velocity it could break a window.

      End of the season we're starting a diet as the pies have made me a bit portly so I dread to think what lots of veg is going to do to her.
      I feel sorry for people who don't drink because when they wake up, that's the best they are going to feel all day.
    • #50
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      There is an older bloke in my office that goes into a trap, and drops his trousers and pants to his ankles to give himself a bog roll cock wipe down all while leaving the door open. He does this when others are in the loo. If he is on his own he stands at the sink, drops the trousers and pants and washes his cock off. I've wandered into the bogs to be presented with his arse and leopard skin pants and so has a colleague. We had to report him to security. The fear of not knowing if he was going to be in there became too much. The old guy on reception didnt know what to make of it, other than on finding out who it was did tell me that he had always thought the bloke a bit of a wrong un.

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