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  1. #31
    And it's all gone quiet.. SeagullSongs's Avatar
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    Solid gold.
    Up there with the Do you use the CIGAR CUTTER when having a DUMP? thread.
    We're just too good for you...
    http://i.imgflip.com/eft5.gif - - - - - http://i.imgflip.com/6354.gif - - - - - http://i.imgur.com/TZQrnHD.gif?1?6501
    Quote Originally Posted by Oscar Garcia 20/12/2013
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    Merry Christmas, Happy Christmas and a healthy New Year

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    • #32
      Blue & White Forever
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      Quote Originally Posted by Gritt23 View Post
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      Being a veggie myself, I can confirm that there is a lot of truth in that.
      Same, I could bottle my veggie farts and sell them to middle east terrorist's
      Goldstone ---> Priestfield ---> Withdean ---> AMEX. ee's complicated
    • #33

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      Pure poetry Easy!

      There really isn't anything on this earth funnier than FARTS and POO.

      In particular, the word DUMP.
    • #34
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      Having a dump at work is always filled with potential pitfalls. Our work bogs only have two traps which not only means you are virtually sitting on top of anyone in the next trap but there is always a steady flow of people wanting to use them. I for one if i've had a pretty smelly dump will always wait for any other occiupants of the toilet to disburse before leaving the trap but sods law there is always a malingerer taking forever haning around for some unknown reason. Then ther eis the "turd burglar" who even though the door to the trap is locked still tries the door............
      Because tonight, I'm a Rock N Roll star!!!!
    • #35
      Members Brightonfan1983's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Easy 10 View Post
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      A VAST room you could park a medium sized Transit in. A metal bar screwed into the wall on the right for extra grip and traction if straining (mind the red emergency cord though). And a fold-down armrest on the left for the more relaxed, leisurely release.
      Squat Cobbler
    • #36
      The ONLY Gay in Brighton El Presidente's Avatar
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      I had an invite to our new 80 million office today, although its official opening date is a few months away thought I would christen the cistern.

      Imagine my dismay when I got to the building, having baked one all morning, when I was asked to give a 30 minute presentation to a bunch of colleagues about the new AV equipment that has been installed.

      I was hopping from foot to foot for the last dozen slides, and then after a somewhat strangled "Are there any questions" I bombed out of the room before anyone could raise a hand.

      Further panic ensued when I realised that I didn't actually KNOW where the bogs were, and as the building is not yet complete, they have not yet put the toilet signs on the rooms. I was diving in and out of offices, stationery cupboards and God knows what until eventually I found a bog (not sure if it was male or female), sat down to unleash a logjam, which was now so old it had FUR growing on it. Felt suitably proud of myself, and then realised that because the building is not officially open there was no BOGROLL.

      It was a suitably uncomfortable journey home, as there are a few winnits clinging on to my hairy Irish arse, and as soon as I got home I put my undercrackers straight into the washing machine on a BOIL wash, to remove the crocodile skiis that are lining my Calvin Kleins.

      I am sure there is a moral to this tale, but not sure what it is.
      Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
    • #37
      Resident pedant Triggaaar's Avatar
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      Excellent thread
      Still in the Championship
    • #38
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      There is one worrying aspect that I think
      I have picked up from reading this thread. And that is the unspeakable horror of unisex toilets, are these common in modern offices?
    • #39
      Banned NMH's Avatar
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      Quote Originally Posted by Dirk Gently View Post
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      Farting in a lift is just wrong on so many levels.
      Quality

      On this very subject, I was offered a lift from a party by a well-to-do and suited lass in her...roundabout later 40's, two weeks back.

      On the journey, as we were chatting away freely, she let out a SBD. The smell of poo was obvious and there were only the two of us in the car.
      To hide any embarrassment I made conversation as if nothing awry had occurred, and didn't wind down the window or go quiet. I suppose I could have said "pfwaaarrr, gorblimey missus!" but she was the one doing me a favour and saving me a walk and a bus ride.

      I have to think she probably couldn't help it, otherwise the 'Dutch oven' isn't what you do in the car with a relative stranger!
    • #40
      Banned NMH's Avatar
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      An aside - but I was staying at a girlfriend's about a year ago for a few days, and at the end of my stay she revealed that she had not taken a dump in 3 days because of my being there....and she didn't want to make a pong in the (only) bathroom/shower.
      I dread to think what the room was like after I'd left for the airport!

      Also just as well I didn't consider....... ahem, I'll let you the reader imagine the rest.

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