Many years ago, I attended a famous beer festival abroad. Needless to say, I got absolutely hammered and ended up in the nearby city centre. I awoke, in a shop doorway, to the sound of street cleaners going by. Absolutely desperate for a shit, I dashed into the street looking for a public loo. No sign of one anywhere. I panicked, as the first brown sausage was starting to say hello to the world.
Just then, I heard the clanking of gates and turning round, saw the underground being unlocked. I swept past the surprised gentleman and down the steps. There were two loos on the concourse, both locked. Time had run out. My sphincter muscles had given up the uneven struggle. I had about ten seconds. I looked around. All seemed quiet.
I crept under the stairway and deposited a massive steaming pile. Relief, oh what relief.
When I looked around, one of the ticket windows had just opened ( directly looking out at the area under the stairway ) and a railway official was staring at me with a look of utter abhorrence on his face. I was out of there like Mr. Bolt out of the blocks and kept running until I was a considerable distance away.
Ashamed, yes...but as with the previous story, I only had two options.