Rubbish Jokes

Harry Wilson's tackle · Jul 11, 2015

I though this was a rubbish joke thread. Some of those posted are quite funny :wrong:

This was the first joke I was ever told, in the school playground, aged 5, before we'd started anatomy lessons:

A lady is walking her three dogs, called Bum, Tits and Willy. Unfortunately she loses them and can't find them.

She asks a policemen "Have you seen my Bum, Tits and Willy".

He says "No, but I'd like to".

Jack Straw · Jul 11, 2015

This morning, I opened the door in my pyjamas. Anyone else got a door in their pyjamas?

AmexRuislip · Jul 11, 2015

What is long and sticky?

A stick :facepalm:

WATFORD zero · Jul 11, 2015

What's brown, steaming and comes out of Cowes

..............it doesn't work written down, does it :dunce:

Nibble · Jul 11, 2015

Blind man walks into a pub. He settles down and says, hey! Anyone want to hear a blonde joke?
The barmaid stops him and says
Before you go on, you should know that I'm 6 foot 6, world female wrestling champion and blonde, over there is Betty, a 6 foot tall alligator wrestler and blonde, to your left is Jane, 7 foot tall, the woes strongest woman and blonde, to your right is Tina, 6 foot tall, women's boxing champion and blonde. Now do you still want to tell your blonde joke?

Nah, not if going to have to explain it 4 times.

Pevenseagull · Jul 11, 2015

what kind of man sits down to pee?

a woman

Fef · Jul 11, 2015

A skeleton walks into a bar.
The barman says 'What can I get you?'
Skeleton says 'A pint of bitter and a mop.'

Dorset Seagull · Jul 11, 2015

Harry Wilson's tackle said:
I though this was a rubbish joke thread. Some of those posted are quite funny

This was the first joke I was ever told, in the school playground, aged 5, before we'd started anatomy lessons:

A lady is walking her three dogs, called Bum, Tits and Willy. Unfortunately she loses them and can't find them.

She asks a policemen "Have you seen my Bum, Tits and Willy".

He says "No, but I'd like to".

Snap as it was the first joke in the playground when I was 5 however the version I heard was "will you hold my tit while I find my bum and scratchit"

Jack Straw · Jul 12, 2015

Try again - corrected.

Jack Straw said:
This morning, I opened the front door in my pyjamas. Anyone else got doors in their pyjamas?

Still not that funny!

BN9 BHA · Jul 20, 2015

What did the Pirate say when he turned 80?

Aye matey.

Norman Potting · Jul 21, 2015

What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot

BadFish · Jul 21, 2015

Harry Wilson's tackle said:
I though this was a rubbish joke thread. Some of those posted are quite funny

This was the first joke I was ever told, in the school playground, aged 5, before we'd started anatomy lessons:

A lady is walking her three dogs, called Bum, Tits and Willy. Unfortunately she loses them and can't find them.

She asks a policemen "Have you seen my Bum, Tits and Willy".

He says "No, but I'd like to".

Where did you go to school? Bankok!

el punal · Jul 21, 2015

A man goes to the doctor and says " Doctor I think I've got a golf ball stuck up my arse." The doctor replies " Drop your trousers and pants and bend over so I can have a look."

"Ah yes!" says the doctor " I see it's gone up a fairway."

(Apologies if this has already been posted but I really can't be ARSED to go through 15 pages of torture!)

smeariestbat · Jul 21, 2015

'knock knock'
'doors open'
'oh....'

BadFish · Jul 21, 2015

When my son was born my father gave me the book of dad jokes that had been handed down through generations.

"I'm Honoured" I exclaimed

"Hi Honoured, I'm Jeff" He replied

Tony Towner's Fridge · Jul 21, 2015

Nibble said:
Blind man walks into a pub. He settles down and says, hey! Anyone want to hear a blonde joke?
The barmaid stops him and says
Before you go on, you should know that I'm 6 foot 6, world female wrestling champion and blonde, over there is Betty, a 6 foot tall alligator wrestler and blonde, to your left is Jane, 7 foot tall, the World's strongest woman and blonde, to your right is Tina, 6 foot tall, women's boxing champion and blonde. Now do you still want to tell your blonde joke?

Nah, not if going to have to explain it 4 times.

That is seriously funny....

Chortle chortle

TNBA

TTF

Garry Nelson's teacher · Jul 21, 2015

A fly is sitting on a dog turd. He's joined by his pal to whom he says 'Hi mate - not seen you around much lately'. To which his mate replies ' No - I've been on the sick.'

mickybha · Jul 21, 2015

Terrified male patient running down a hospital corridor with a nurse chasing after him while carrying a large bowl of very hot water
Doctor shouts... NURSE NURSE I SAID PRICK HIS BOIL !!!!

Monsieur Le Plonk · Jul 21, 2015

A man goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.' The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.

The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.'

The Andy Naylor Fan Club · Jul 21, 2015

mickybha said:
Terrified male patient running down a hospital corridor with a nurse chasing after him while carrying a large bowl of very hot water
Doctor shouts... NURSE NURSE I SAID PRICK HIS BOIL !!!!

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